"its not good news"

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  • nervous1
    nervous1 Member Posts: 9
    edited January 2010

    Cindy, these poems are so beautiful and moving...I just sit here and cry.  I agree with the other person that suggested you publish them when you are on the other side of this war.  I know they would truly bless others as they have us on this list.

    Blessings to you!

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited January 2010

    Cindy

    "It's not good news", that is what my surgeon said when I went for my follow up appt., after my biopsy....

    yes, you should publish your poems, when you get through your tx...

    Thinking of you, and praying that all is well...

    Harley

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited January 2010

    Thank you to everyone for leaving comments. They mean the world to me. Knowing that I can connect with each of you this way is very important to me.

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  • wahine
    wahine Member Posts: 8,231
    edited January 2010

    Cindy, Your  poems are amazing....as though I can feel your pain and confusion, and sadness, through your words. As a bc survivor, I can identify with some of what you went through, and your words express it perfectly. Thank you so much for sharing that which comes from your soul, with us here! Keep writing throughout this journey, and as others mentioned, I do hope you publish this, once you kick the bc beast to the curb!

    Hugs and prayers,

    Kathy

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  • walnutkitten
    walnutkitten Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2010

    Im not really sure what to write...my life has been turned upside down...inside out...its not my life anymore....IT SUX....I have gone from a cyst...that i didnt even have to have removed ..but i chose to..went home only to get a call to come back to hosptial for a follow up appt....There it all went wrong...... Now..just had a right mastectomy and all nodes and glands removed.and now chemo and then radiotherapy...im not sure of any of this....im scared as hell...but always putting on the brave face..and saying...im ok...WHY...??

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  • eastender
    eastender Member Posts: 29
    edited January 2010

    Cindy,

    Your words are absolutely incredible.  Although I have finished radiation December 11, 2009 my flashbacks are so real and painful and I heal everydays.  You have a wonderful way of telling the personal 9/11.  Thank you!  This for my is healing. 

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited January 2010

    Littlebird, you are an amazingly talented writer.......Your poems put into words what all of us have felt or are feeling at any time in this crazy cancer journey...........I just wanted to let you know about my friend Bonnie who had non-Hodgekins Lymphoma 10 years ago........Before she had the cancer she had been pregnant with her first child ......We were all excited for her and she and I would shop frequently for her little boy.......Sadly she contracted German Measles her first trimester and the doctors thought it was jsut a rash and she lost that precious boy......Fast forward 2years and her DH passes from a long illness.........Then happily she found someone else to love her.....He was and is still a very loving man to her...Then the Big C hits her.......She goes through very harsh chemo and is told she is infertile.....NO children for her.........But the Good Lord has other plans for her.......She is now the mother of a very healthy and happy 8 yr old boy.........Don't give up hope........I'm not saying it will happen and I'm not saying it won't...I'm just saying don't give up Hope..........I have met several women since my own diagnosis 3 years ago who have gone on to have a child after chemo.........Please continue with the beautiful poems of your journey........They help more women than you wil ever know.....And I wish you much love, luck and peace.........

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited March 2011

    Edited to redact a post with personal information.

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited March 2011

    Edited to redact a post with personal information.

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  • Ezscriiibe
    Ezscriiibe Member Posts: 598
    edited January 2010

    Thank you, groundhog.

    It is a beautiful thread.

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited January 2010

    groundhog - thanks for the bump. I am hanging in there. One more chemo treatment on the 26th of January. Mentally I've gone through "depression" and back again but trying to stay focused on work as we have some major changes happening and I don't want to get lost in the shuffle. Thanks to everyone for all your warm comments. I love sharing with you guys.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited January 2010

    littlebird.. - i'[m glad your chemos are soon to be over.

    your 'story' was wonderfully told.  Please join us on the poetry thread.

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/734703?page=1

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited January 2010

    apple - the link didn't work and I'm so thrilled to know there is a poetry thread. Can you share it with me again or tell me what keyword search to use to find it. Thanks.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited January 2010

    ok .. it's in the forum:  "Help Me Get Through Treatment   - accessible in the forum index.. (not very far down).  I bumped it up for you.

    the title of the thread is 'Poetry thread anyone?

    maybe this link will work

     http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/734703?page=1

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited February 2010

    Hair

    two months now
    and this is getting old
    it was fun at first
    but I'm so over it now...

    last week we went out
    and I absentmindedly
    thought
    I should do my hair
    until I remembered
    there is no hair to be done

    I see the brush
    and I reach for it

    I see the hair stylist
    and think
    is it time for a trim?

    I see the scrunchie
    and remember
    I don't have any use for it.

    Hair?
    Please come back.
    I miss you so.

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited February 2010

    Hi Cindy - thanks for the new poem, it's very timely.  I start chemo 3/9 TCx6, getting an interim shortie cut 3/2 and donating my long hair to Locks of Love. 

    Congrats on 1 month PFC, hope this finds you well.  {{hugs}}

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  • Frapp
    Frapp Member Posts: 1,987
    edited February 2010

    I love your poems.

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited March 2010

    the journey continues

    and I wait for sun

     reflecting on the past

    these past several months

    feels surreal

    someone else living my life

    where did I go?

    where have you gone?  

    I want to spread a message

    awareness

    has a new meaning now  

    but I feel I have no voice

    only scars

    and damaged dreams  

    regrets?

    perhaps.

    but this is my road, my path.

    I don't think there could be another.   
     

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  • janny99
    janny99 Member Posts: 119
    edited April 2010

    Thank you Cindy (and others) for putting into words what I am feeling right now.  I am newly diagnosed and scared.  I am 49 years old, 3 daughters 1 grandson & another new grandchild on the way.  The wait for surgery at the end of April feels like an eternity.  I've been searching the internet, researching, asking lots of questions, learning termonology that was completely foreign to me a month ago.....

     Odd thing is that I feel okay, I'm not sick, my health is good otherwise, so how can I possibly have cancer?  At this point I kind of feel like this is all so unreal, except for the huge hematoma from a biopsy on my healthy breast, I am not sick!  Sometimes I think this is just a mistake.  Then I look at my pathology report and realize it's not...does anybody else feel this way?

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  • sweatyspice
    sweatyspice Member Posts: 922
    edited April 2010

    janny99, I think we all felt that way when we were diagnosed.  I know I did.

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  • hopeful34
    hopeful34 Member Posts: 1,569
    edited April 2010

    I just had my mammo and ultrasound yesterday and I saw them mesauring the "black area" on the screen.  I closed my eyes hoping it wasn't anything just paranoia. The radiologist came in and said he was about 70% sure it was malignant. Oh Joy!  I go next week for my biopsy.  I am freaking out and this poem of yours is the first relatable thing I have read.  Thanks so much.  You described my anxiety perfectly.

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  • puddingirl84
    puddingirl84 Member Posts: 120
    edited April 2010

    littlebird75- First of all my sister, I would like to say just one word. COPYRIGHT!!!!! Please do it. You are talented. We all appreciate what you are doing here, I am a poet also. Damn girl!!!! I read your poems for the first time tonight, I joined the boards in December. I have often wanted to write poems on the boards, but decided it's better to publish those amazing words and those original thoughts. Have your inner most feelings copyright protected my friend. It is not expensive. You are a phenomenal wordsmith,I wouldn't want to see others get credit for it. 

    I am recovering from my first chemo, walking around like a zombie, I suddenly come across your poem and I feel alive again. You have inspired me to write a poem tonight. Damn!!!! girl.

    I feel honored to have found you on these boards. 

    Puddin' 

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited March 2011

    Edited to redact a post with personal information.

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited September 2010

    badger - thank you. I am well - I feel like I've made it to the "and it will be nothing...and everything" part of my poem.

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited December 2010

    bump

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited December 2011

    anniv bump ~ I was dx 2 years ago and Cindy's poetry helped me.  Maybe you too?  {{hugs}}

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  • wahine
    wahine Member Posts: 8,231
    edited December 2011

    I loved Cindy's poems too, and had saved this thread as a "favorite", hoping she would post again. Hope you're doing well, Badger!

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited December 2011

    Thanks, wahine, back at'cha! 

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  • littlebird75
    littlebird75 Member Posts: 120
    edited January 2012

    Thank you for the bump. I am alive and well. My hair is finally growing back to a length that maks me feel like a woman again. I continue to be amazed at my life's lessons including valuing every moment we have. 

    I participated in the Susan G Komen for the Cure 3 day walk in Seattle in September 2011 and am planning to participate in 2012 as well.  

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  • wahine
    wahine Member Posts: 8,231
    edited January 2012

    Thanks for the update, Cindy. Was very concerned, when you hadn't posted on this thread for a long time. Still writing your amazing poems? Thats neat about doing the walk!

    Happy New Year!!!!

    Kathy

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