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BlueCowgirl
BlueCowgirl Member Posts: 667
edited June 2014 in Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries

Seriously, I'm the only one who is posting on this forum? 

For most of you, I guess, there are kids - little or grown -  who you are celebrating with. I wish I had that, but this fucking disease has robbed me of the option.

I cannot wait until Xmas is over. I am happy for my friends (here and IRL) who are celebrating with their kids and spouses, and I don't need to complain to them. Just reaching out to others who might be out there in the same boat as I am, struggling to stay afloat.

Wanna commiserate together? Christmas will be over in less than 48 hours and I for one cannot wait. 

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  • GramE
    GramE Member Posts: 5,056
    edited December 2011

    Blue, you could call me Scrooge today - Christmas Eve.   I have gifts for family wrapped and will transport them and almost all the food (meal) tomorrow morning.    They are not getting all the things on their lists, as I ran out of energy looking to please them.   There is nothing I want or need, since I live alone in a one bedrm apartment and have downsized several times from having a house for over 30 years.   I sold it 5 years after my DH died and moved into rental apartments since, which was a really good idea once I was dx with BC.    I am sorry you do not have children, as I do feel that Christmas is for kids.    Once in a while I enjoy the music and sights of the season, but today I never even got a shower or dressed.    

    This week I had the annual Pap smear and mammo and both results are "normal", for which I am very grateful and that is all the gift(s) I want this year.   A couple of friends and I exchanged gifts last night and I got a bath mat, Snuggie and box of assorted nuts.    These are friends because they realize I do not need another gadget or "dust collector", if you know what I mean.    

    I got them each an automatic soap dispenser and spare batteries - something I know they would not buy for themselves and they all have spouses and still live in their own houses.    And it is not about money either.   I have enough, not a lot of excess, but I do well on my own.    

    Yes, I will be very happy when this is over and I am back home.   The drive is about 45 minutes and there will be my first grand child there - 22 months old.  The other grand parents will be there and they will leave in a day or two for their Florida winter condo and of course will not see the grand child for several months till they get back here.    But, you know, that is their choice, not mine and I don't care if they are down there for the rest of the winter and spring.    

    Enough whining for now.   Vent away - I just did.      

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited December 2011

    So its time for me to vent.my back is killing me.i cannot sit in a car for long sooo that means goin nowhere.fine.was supposed to go to my nieces but the kids are sick and i will be doin most of the work so no thank you.ill stay home.

    My dear friend/mentor a 26 yr bc/colon cancer is fighting for her life right now in MSK hospital.i sure dont want to do anything but pray.her BP is 200 and they cannot get it down.yikes.

    I told my son not to come to get me tomorrow as i refuse to sit in traffic for hours going from NJ to Brooklyn...so home alone sounds good to me.just leave me alone and let Christmas be over.

    end of rant.

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  • Wabbit
    Wabbit Member Posts: 1,592
    edited December 2011

    I'll be the Grinch.   My favorite part of the holidays is also when they are over with.  It's not all bad of course ... but too much of it is a marathon of trying to think of what to get as gifts (most of them for people who live many miles away and I have no clue what they have or want) shopping, wrapping, boxing, mailing.  Then there is the decorating and I have hubby looking at me all month with puppy dog eyes wondering what and when I'm going to bake or cook.  And clean up the resulting mess of it all myself too.  He enjoys the holidays - I get irritated ... go figure.  Grump, grump

    I don't need a darn thing so even trying to come up with a wish list is a hassle ... and they won't accept the 'just donate to the animal shelter' suggestion.  

    Then seeing the news stories about people trampling each other to get into stores to buy the latest 'hot item' is the final straw on my bad attitude.  I'm beginning to see the whole thing as a giant greedfest. 

    And since I'm not religious I can't go that direction with it either.

    The rest of the year I am perfectly happy and have nothing much to complain about.  So yeah ... away from this craziness and back to normal is really the only present I want.

    So vent away ... you are not alone.   

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  • AlaskaAngel
    AlaskaAngel Member Posts: 1,836
    edited December 2011

    Hi,

    The contrast between the American traditional Christmas and the brutish ugly upheavals all over the world is a bit too much for me to truly buy into the brief annual focus on Christmas.

    Even as a stage 1 now 99% close to 10 years out with no recurrence, life for me and mine has continued to be tied to the medical merry-go-round. Those who created treatment regimens never have had to deal before very much with those of us who actually survive very long, or give much thought to the long-term problems we end up with.

    For starters, the rads I was advised to do left me with an "untouchable" painful breast that has gradually hardened more and more, to the point where it is now pulling on my breastbone and the muscles and other tissues that go up under the armpit and around the back.  This plus the sentinel node removal has made the arm dysfunctional, which is reducing my ability to do the work I do. I am trying to figure out how I'm going to manage to travel to Seattle to have a breast surgeon and a shoulder surgeon both do MRI's and then powwow together, to help figure out whether the breast should be removed or what the heck needs to be done. It is now so painful that a mammogram is impossible so it is time to get an MRI for the annual inspection.

    I now have multiple teeth lost due to chemotherapy, and am trying to figure out how to deal with that.  Two years ago the dentist planned with me for $4,000 in repairs, but that has now escalated to more than $17,000 worth and the alternative is an upper plate, which equals the loss of one more of the joys of living due to chemotherapy.

    There is no such thing as sensuality left, but then the impression I get from medical providers is that problem just gets lip service.

    My husband and I exchange gifts with family, but like GramE we all are old enough and honest enough that we don't burden each other each year anymore with "things".

    I like watching the old movies every year, mostly as a sentimental thankfulness that I was lucky enough to have actually lived through those times. I'm thankful that my parents never will have to know how different the world is today, after all they put into dealing with the Depression and then WWII so that "the world would be a better place".

    Otherwise... Bah humbug!

    AlaskaAngel

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited December 2011

    I'll be happy when my SIL goes home!!! The shit hit the fan big time over my lovely Xmas dinner and I let him have it with both barrels after putting up with his crap for days now. I have never known a more obnoxious dhead in my life. He's 29 years old but acts 9 years old and deliberately tries to inflame any conversation - attention seeking. Add to that a drama queen daughter and lets just say today didn't go so well. Now we still have them here until the 9th Jan and will be  going away to the beach with them and I will be cooped up in an apartment for a week with the idiot. HELP!!!!

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  • somanywomen
    somanywomen Member Posts: 872
    edited December 2011

    I totally get this TOPIC! 

    This is the first year that I totally did not get into the spirit of Christmas, no tree, no outside decor, no plans...My son is out of country with his girlfriend, my VERY SELFISH daughter  and I could not agree on plans, my VERY SELF-CENTERED mother I did not even want to be around..So it is just my dog, my DH and me...We are taking my wonderful caring dog to the park today...We bought presents for ourselves and wrapped them so it will be a surprise to my husband when I unwrap them to show him what he got me, as he wrapped his own and I do not have a clue as to what I got him for Christmas...One thing for sure is we got what we wanted this year...For some reason, Christmas with family just didn't sound as good as Christmas with our dog.....

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited December 2011

    Hey there, and sorry you are feeing lonely. We do sort of celebrate, but in a super, super low-key way and we do it on the 24th, so our Christmas is already over. 

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited December 2011

    Somanywoman, 

    "The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs."  ~Alphonse Toussenel 

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  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited December 2011

    Susie, the dhead criticized the food?

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited December 2011

    im glad i stayed homeALONE.had a me day.

    if i had to get dressed and sit in a car for hours with my back aching to go to part of my family who love to fight.....nah...i did just fine.

    Gad its over.one down and one to go.

    waiting for news on my friend.still in ICU.

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  • suzieq60
    suzieq60 Member Posts: 6,059
    edited December 2011

    Momine - no he didn't criticise the food. The phone rang just as we were about to eat and we had just been speculating when my brother (who lives in the US) was going to call. DHead said don't answer the phone. It's my house and I answered the phone - it wasn't my brother though. Anyway dhead picked up his plate and left the table. After he came back I let him have it and told him how rude he'd been. I'd bitten my tongue all week and I snapped. Just prior to that he was going to sit down to lunch wearing filthy clothes that he had been wearing for a bike ride - wasn't even going to have a shower. We waited while he showered and then the phone rang...



    I actually feel proud I stood up for myself. BC makes us stronger.



    Sue

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  • ilovetennis
    ilovetennis Member Posts: 5
    edited December 2011

    Hey, bluecowgirl, just want to thank you for using expletives! It makes me feel better that someone else is that mad! I have still kept it together in front of the docs, the family and friends, but sometimes I just want to go off...



    Since my dx six months ago, I've been buying my own gifts throughout treatment. It helps a little bit. :)

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  • topless
    topless Member Posts: 74
    edited December 2011

    My hubbie and I have not "done" Christmas for 2 years now.  Last year my multiple sclerosis was really bad and this year it's breast cancer plus MS.  We are in our 60's, have no kids and no family that lives near by.  I just couldn't see doing all it takes to put up decorations, and a tree just to take it all down again in a week. Why make a lot of extra work for myself? I I don't feel especially cheery and we are not religious.  I think Christmas belongs to the kids.   We don't need any more "stuff" so we just bought ourselves each a Kindle because we are big readers.  Our dogs and cats got a little treat for the day and so we're all happy!  I too am always glad when the holidays are over so that life can get back to normal.

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited December 2011

    I spent most of the day in bed yesterday! I was so tired from all the cooking, presents, and drama on Christmas. I think I'll let one of the kids have it at one of their houses next year  and I'll just come for dinner. I was ready to serve up the food when DS number 2 said oh I forgot to bring something over. So home he went to get what he forgot. By the time we ate the food was so dried out it was almost impossible to eat it!

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  • AlaskaAngel
    AlaskaAngel Member Posts: 1,836
    edited December 2011

    susieq58,

    How is it going today?  I don't know what he was thinking (or IF he was thinking at all), but I hope it helped.

    Topless,

    No MS here, but we are a similar couple and were able to do less fuss when I was dx'd and tx'd in 2002. I do get a few things decorated nowadays, but enjoyed our freedom not to back then. My SIL got my husband a Kindle this year too and he is enjoying it very much, especially since there are only 2 very small bookstores here or else a long ferry or plane flight to the next one.

    AlaskaAngel

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