Its back and we are scared

I'm bumping this up for you-

It's kind of slow around here, probably due to the holiday weekend, but I know there are some good people around here that will answer your question. 

Mary

I'm so sorry.  I would advise you to post over on the stage IV board...your message will likely be seen more there.  My heart has broken over this journey thinking of my hubby--so strong for me, and though I can forget sometimes and laugh, he's the one who looks over and sees this bald person where his wife used to be.  It's just a constant reminder for him, and I can just avoid mirrors!  I hope you'll both find strength in each other, and be there for each other when you're not (hopefully at different times!).  You'll be surprised at the strength you have.  

My son is 5, and the only real advice I have is that we said mommy has breast cancer (I was worried he would hear it at some point and be scared).  Your kids are older though, and so these words will be scarier for them. Best of luck to you.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

lovehertons, you are right to wait until after the holidays to address this issue with your children.  I found a lump last December 22 and only informed my husband and one of my sisters at that time.  I did tell my son (only child) but he was 18 and I felt he could handle it.  

When we started letting other family members know, what helped me a great deal was my husband handled most of those conversations.  My head was reeling from the whole thing.

One of the first things a bc survivor from work suggested was to ask the doctor to give me something to 'take the edge off'.  It took several tries to finally find an anti-anxiety medicine (buspar) that has helped me cope.  My husband chose not to take any medicine due to his work situation (at times operating machinery).  I purchased the book "Breast Cancer Husband" and my husband found it helpful to read.

I think we took turns being "the strong one".  We let the answering machine pick up many phone calls when we could not face talking about what we were going thru with others.   It's been an emotional roller coaster for months.  We are coping better after dealing with this for a year.  It is something we take a day at a time.

I'm sorry you are going through this during Christmas time.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.  bc.org is truly a lifeline and you will get lots of insight here.  God bless. 

You have a good heart, loveher.

It is said to be harder on the caregiver. I believe that to be true.  My husband, I know, feels helpless, or helpfulless, if that makes sense.  He knows that there is nothing he can do but be there for me.  He is. Every step of the way.  Ther eis a great book out there that one of my employees actually gave to my husband.  It is called "when your wife has breast cancer".  It's small, but powerful.  By the time we read it, we were half way through this nightmare.  But, it helped me understand what he might be feeling, and helped him understand what I was going through.

Face this as a team, a tag team.  You will grow strong together.

I wish I could tell you how to handle it.  From my perspective, with kids 10/12/21/24, I was just honest.  Mom's sick, but it's going to be OK.  My kids did poorly in school this year, no surprise, but that's OK, I expect them to be hurting too.  Learning that my wife had cancer was like having the rug pulled out from under me.  I cried alot, and I'm sure you did/will too.  That's healthy, and it's not bad for your kids to see you that way.  I will pray for you.  Strength will come automatically as your wife needs it.  I was amazed at what I could do when she needed me.  Nothing else matters when your loved one is ill.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Everyone feels helpless anyway, and giving them something to do - bring dinner over, watch the kids, whatever - helps them too.

-Mark