This Time Last Year

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Thatgirl
Thatgirl Member Posts: 276
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I was trying to come to terms with the reality of me having BC. Each morning I would awaken with the hope that all this was just a bad dream. For a few fleeting moments each morning I had hope.



The last two weeks I have been reliving each and every moment of the beginning of this horrible journey.Christmas was always my favorite time of year but it seems now it's a painful reminder of that dreaded phone call.



For now I just keep smiling.

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited December 2011

    I'm so sorry this has had such a permanent impact on the holiday for you. 

    I fear the same may happen, but I'm trying.  Oct 14th is "the day" for me.  10/14 last year my mother had the strock that changes all of our lives forever, and she passed on 1/10/11.  10/14 is my sister's birthday. So, when they made my appt on 10/14 to meet with the breast surgeon for my biopsy results...well, 10/14 became "the day" for me. I hope this passes.

    ((( HUGS )))

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  • NatsFan
    NatsFan Member Posts: 3,745
    edited December 2011

    Thatgirl - hang in there - it really does get better as time goes by.  Christmas has always been my favorite season, especially since my birthday is Christmas Eve.  Four years ago, I was having my biopsy on Christmas Eve, and got the results New Year's Eve.  Kinda shot that whole Christmas season all to heck!!  It was the second worst Christmas I've ever had.  (The worst was 30 years ago when my mom died on December 4.  That Christmas was pretty well shot too, as you can imagine.)

    And yep, I remember that next year of all the "one year anniversaries" - each and every eventful day brought back memories of my surgeries, chemo treatments, etc.  But the next year the anniversary days weren't nearly as bad.  And last year - I really didn't even remember most of them.  This year it's gotten to the point where it is more of a joke than anything - I was teasing my husband asking him what he'd planned for my birthday this year - I told him I didn't like his plan of 4 years ago and he needed to come up with a plan that was just a tad more fun than a biopsy!  Cool

    Give yourself permission to grieve the anniversary of the event days of last year. But also try to remember the good memories from last year as well - for me, I love the memories of how kind so many of my friends, relatives and co-workers were.  I still have the cards and little token gifts they gave me to help cheer me up, but more precious to me are those memories. 

    And of course the best gift of all - we're still here!! Laughing

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited December 2011

    Hi Thatgirl, I was diagnosed in October 2010 so I am at around the same point you are at. The upside is that we got through the year and I, at least, am better emotionally and physically than I was a year ago.



    I also had the sense of being in a bad dream and for at least the first six months, my first and last thought each day was 'I have cancer'. I realised recently that my days no longer start and end this way, which is a good sign.



    Last Christmas I was waiting to start chemo in January and was filled with fear and sadness about the coming year.



    I am participating in a study and last week completed a questionnaire in which there was a question 'have you accepted your diagnosis?'. I answered 'no' because, while I acknowledge the reality of what happened to me, the term 'accept' to me implies recognising it as part of my story. I am still in denial about that and wish it never happened. (Don't worry about me as I do have therapy.)



    My diagnosis date is easy to remember because it has a 'ring' to it: the twentieth of the tenth, twenty ten. So my unlucky numbers now are 20 and 10.



    Though this has definitely been the worst year of my life, I hope I can now put it behind me.



    For anyone newly diagnosed with early BC and reading this, there is strong hope that you will 'survive' the experience of treatment and then be able to resume a fairly normal life. (Some call this the 'new normal'). So, despite this depressing post, there is hope!



    Wishing us all a better 2012!

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