let down by hairdresser friend

jackboo09 · December 2011

My oldest friend from primary school days is a hairdresser tutor at a higher education college. I expected her to be quite understanding in terms of hair loss through cancer treatment. She had previously accompanied a client to a wig fitting and I assumed she would be supportive.

Two things have bugged me however! 3-4 weeks ago I plucked up the courage to leave the wigs on their stands and venture out into the world with my new short hair. This took some guts as i had long hair before tx. When I told my friend she said: "Oh are you going out without your hairpiece, you are brave"

Second thing: last week she was due to dye my hair with a vegetable dye. I'd asked her if she would get me one and apply it as Im obviously nervous about this post treatment. She didn't show up and I waited in all afternoon. No phone call that evening, just a text to say she had lost her phone.

Shall I call her back and rearrange? Anyone can lose their phone but I just feel a bit let down. I'd like to get rid of the greys and ideally I want her to colour it for me but she hasnt contacted me since to arrange a time/date.

From what ive read on this site, there seems to be alot of ladies who experience similar comments/events. Not sure which way to go and feel quite hurt. I realise that just before Christmas she must be very busy but this is kind of a special hair event!!!

Any thoughts folks?

Liz

anonymice · December 2011

I can't explain away the hurt - all I can say is yes, it does happen to so many of us on so many fronts. I think that, often, it's just weakness - our friends and family are not necessarily very strong.

I truly don't think it has anything to do with her feelings of affection and friendship for you. Personally I feel like, with the people that have been like this with me, I feel I need to let them go. For now. I can't spend any energy on making others feel better about my diagnosis - you know?

Get your hair done by someone else, and don't bring it up again to your friend. She knows what she's done. She will come to terms with your illness or not - it seems impossible to tell who will be strong for you, and who won't.

Just my 2 cents, as someone who was blindsided by a few people who just ... dropped away from my life.

Zgirl66 · December 2011

To Jackboo09 --

My hairdresser is on "stand by" for when my hair begins to fall you. If she didn't who when I call, I too would be very upset. I think the hairloss is one of the toughest aspects of this whole ordeal, so I feel for you. I am proud of you for venturing out with your new short 'do. Good for you. If your friend wasn't mindful of your very important appointment, I say, move on to someone who will consider the opportunity to work with you an honor. You will be pampered and comforted. And... if it isn't a friend, you can say what you want about the results.

jackboo09 · December 2011

Hi Pamonymous

Thank you. I can really relate to the letting go of friends, at least on a temporary basis. Sometimes its better to revert to "look after number one mode." I had been considering calling her about another appointment but I now think that if she hasn't had the sensitivity to realise how important this was to me, then Im not about to "chase her up" over it.

I really appreciate your response.

Liz

jackboo09 · December 2011

Hi zgirl66

Thank you so much for your lovely post. You don't even know me but your words are so warm, kind and sensitive. Tears in my eyes replying! I shall embrace your advice and book a hairdresser who will hopefully show me the same.

I am a little concerned about colouring post chemo hair which is very short though!. Love and best wishes to you.

Liz

let down by hairdresser friend

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