help me to be strong!

Hugs to you A1B1... so sorry you are wading these nasty moments with your mom... but so glad she has you to turn to when she needs to talk about her feelings.  Emotions... we all have them... just because yours are sad and confused doesn't make them negative...just real.  Perhaps she needs to know she doesn't need to be strong around you... and you don't need to be strong around her... but both of you can be honest with your fears.

 Please know that there are a bunch of us alive and dancing with NED (no evidence of disease) in BC land with nodes positive...  it will be two years for me next week.  There are many stage IV women that are with NED or seeing the "Stable Boy"... in other words... there are many of us that are living with this disease daily, but not struggling so badly that we have no quality of life.  Your mom will find many of the next few weeks and months to be very difficult and so challenging, but please know... she can and will make it through the treatments and continue to be the wonderful mom you love.  She will find ways to change how she copes with stress so that she doesn't let it get in and stew inside herself, but there is nothing out there saying stress or any of the other million things people like to associate with getting this disease are directly responsible for BC showing up in our lives... lots of women on this board living pristine perfect lives and they get BC... so kick guilt to the curb. 

You will find a place here to talk and gain support... and a wonderful place to find answers and many women that know so much about what the research is showing us today...

May you find a place of peace in the storm today...

A1B1 ~ I totally understand what your Mom is going through.  I had a similar experience (see my bio page), being told I was Stage I and no lymph node involvement, then finding out a few days later that I had a very positive node, as well as some other complicating factors about my pathology.  And I can tell you, being blindsided that way, it's really hard to wrap your head around what's happening.  I was depressed and in a daze for a couple of weeks because it was all just so surreal, and you keep thinking... if I've gone from Stage l to Stage ll that quickly, what's next? ... what more bad news will the next test bring?

But you and your Mom need to know that a positive lymph node is not the end of the world.  In fact, it might be helpful to share with her that a positive node is actually a good thing -- because it means the node was doing its job and stopping those breast cancer cells from going any further. And it's also a good thing if it means she'll get more aggressive treatment, which can be important. 

I know your Mom's diagnosis is scary, but please don't feel it's in any way your fault.  From what I've learned, no one thing (like stress) causes bc.  It's a compilation of many things, including genetics, that eventually add up to our bodies going awry and allowing bc to start.  

I noticed that you're in CA.  If you or your Mom would like to talk, I'd be happy to give you my phone number.  Just PM me if you think she might want to talk to someone who's been through it, of if you'd like to talk to a Mom who's been through it.  I'm always happy to help.  (((Hugs)))   Deanna