2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

i want us to stay on this thread too because it's the best way i can find you all

finished rads today...i'm officially out of treatment. so freakin' excited/terrified. i start tamoxifen tomorrow, which should be interesting. crazy. to all of you who have more treatment to go, i promise it will go fast and soon, you will be at this point too. treatment free, cancer free, and wondering...what the hell just happened?
love,
amy

OCTOBER CHEMO GIRLS -

I hate to sound like a whimp here, but I have literally been devastated by the reality of not having you all here. I am feeling unbelievably sad. I am embarassed to admit it, but I have cried all day. I have relied upon you all and the mere thought of ending our communication is unimaginable. I am shocked at my emotional feelings regarding this, but I can't help it. I am bound and determinded to get us together, now that I am feeling well (Oprah). Again, I hate to sound like a whimp, but I care so much about all of you. It's hard to explain.

Laura

Hey Laura I am not going any where either. I am attached to you all and appreciate all the support I have received. I think we should use this board and thread to keep in touch. Some may feel more comfortable sharing with private messages. I do sometimes. However it is often good to see the different responses we get to the same problem. Some of us are funny, some are serious , some are devout and there are many more personality traits in all of us. We will all continue to have this experience for a long tome and it would be nice to see how we all fare in the lomg run.

Laura what response did Oprah give?

Went to sleep at 7 last night feeling recharged today. Ravdeb hope you have better day today too.

Fists up!

I definitely want to stay in touch too. I don't know much about "blogs" but I'll certainly continue here and anywhere else someone can direct me...
You have all been such a support for me...what a crazy ride! I still have 3 more weeks of treatments and I know they'll go by quickly - I can't wait to actually sleep all night long again...:)

I just posted my story on Lance Armstrong's survivor site. It was therapeutic to do. Now that treatment is over, I'm finally realizing...I'M A SURVIVOR. We ALL are. Here's my story in case anyone wanted to read it...

http://shareyourstory.livestrong.org/c.i...IWMzEbLMKUPxHmH

Amy..beautiful article. And your picture... really nice.

You will be fine, Amy. You are tough and have grown so much in your experience.

As for communication... I said this before...let's keep this thread going so we can find each other when we want to. Some of us (like me..I've got one more chemo to go) are still on chemo and radiation and we still need you all!!!!

maryanne...it's the dang decadron that is making me nuts these last few treatments. They upped my dose because of the allergic reaction I got from the Taxol. Thank goodness I have only one more of these to go. It's AWFUL!!!

ravdeb

Ravdeb, I am feeling the same way as you. Today, I can hardly get up the stairs. I am walking like a little old lady all crunched up. Tomorrow is Taxol #11. Imagine what tomorrow will bring??? Fortunately, I don't have a family to clean after.....just a 4 year old who really helps Mommy so much. She will bring me to her playroom and show me how clean it is. Even the doctors tell me how I 'don't look like a cancer patient' since I have "color" in my skin and look healthy. But, ladies, I am exhausted and I get headaches. I am just so emotionally spent as well.

LauraGTO, I am not going anywhere. It's easier to write here than try to start up elsewhere. I'd love for us to get together somehow!!

Debbie, thanks for thinking of me!! I am not lost just been busy with work I guess.

Amy, I am going to go read your article now!

Love you ladies,
Kelly

Las Vegas would be fun! We could all "let our new hair down" and have some fun!

I agree with Laura. I am so lucky to have all you girls in my life. I couldn't have gone through this without all of you.......

Amy,
I read what you wrote on the livestrong page....for someone so young you have come through all of this as a true hero and have been such an inspiration to all of us, young and old....you are a beautiful person....
Graycie

Hey Kelly...(terynsmom)
I'm getting # 12 Taxol on Thursday! I am feeling lousy and have been feeling lousy for the last couple of treatments. I itch like crazy and have all kinds of things to help with that but none are really working. It is making me nuts! I'm so weak I can hardly lift my legs and this last #11 treatment left me sleeping every day. Usually by Mon. I'd be back on my feet and out and about. I can't do a thing but sleep. Even walks don't energize me this time.
I also am beginning to get tingling in my feet and hands...had numbness, now am moving to higher levels!

I hate to be complaining but I'm feeling AWFUL and I'm almost done with the chemo. I hope it all goes away after the last chemo. At least I'll have a break before rads. Maybe that will help.

And they tell me I also look really healthy. My onc told me this and keeps telling me I'll be fine. Have headaches, too, and not much of an appetite...did I say that????

You're lucky you have an easy house to take care of!!!! I've got a son at home on vacation, a husband and two other kids who keep coming in and out all the time, with friends, without friends...!!!!!

Okay..enough complaining. I should be grateful that is the extent of it.

Feel Good everybody.
ravdeb

Ravdeb - hang in there - I'm soooooo sick of chemo too. I have 3 more Taxol's and I can't wait! I have been so down - wonder if I need meds!!! I can't seem to shake this gloominess. Then I torture myself and get on my old school's web site/e-mail and hear about school events, baby showers, things my former students are doing, see pictures of my old classroom - life has certainly gone on and I miss it so much. Ironically I'm in no hurry to get back to work but I miss friends and family. UGH!!!! I meet with my oncologist tomorrow before my infusion - I haven't actually seen him since January. Now I'm freaking out because if for some reason I'm delayed even 15 minutes with my appointment there will be no one home when my 2 2nd graders get off the bus. I am so tired of the stress of having to work everything out with scheduling.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I know I have been richly blessed in so many ways - When I think about others and how easy I really have it I know I can't complain - sorry for being such a baby!

OK, now that I got that off my chest and wiped my tears, it's off to finish laundry.
Have a great day ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow Amy!! I should have read your story before I moped on the last post!! You really are an inspiration!! Ok, now I'm really sorry for being a baby!!!!

Amy,
thanks for the tips. I will look into that. I do remember now that you talked about itching. I have antihistamine pills I can take that my dermatologist gave me and she said I can take them as long as I want. Aloe vera eases the itching..cools it I guess but still...it just keeps coming back!!! I hate the antihistamine...makes me foggier than with just the chemo. I quit them. Rash has risen to my neck, now!!!!!
Glad to hear it DOES go away. I get chemo on Thurs and then I'm DONE until rads. Just read that some ladies are getting rash with rads. OY!!! I hope THAT doesn't happen with me!!!

I hate complaining. I try so hard to NOT complain because I feel like I'm pretty lucky for the most part with chemo, with everything. It IS a nasty turn of events in our lives and though I've learned an awful lot about myself in the last several months, I wish I could have learned it in another way. I had decided to be a superpower type fighter during all of this and finding that I'm more of a wimp through the Taxol than I was through Ac when I was hospitalized. Maybe I'm just really tired of it all.

They want me back ASAP on the board where I served in our community. I took a "pause" from it and today can't imagine me going back to it, but spoke to the new president and I do feel needed there. They've botched up my position really good!

So hard to go back to "normal" life, whatever that is.
ravdeb

Terynsmom: Thank you for asking about me.



I moved to the November thread since most of you were doing dose dense and I didn't start till October 31st on the 3-week cycle of A/C. I like checking in here from time to time to see how you are doing. I finished the A/C (whew!) in early January and am now on a 12-week cycle of weekly Taxol/Herceptin. I have 8 of those under my belt. I have been getting Procrit shots each week since treatment #5, but nothing else. I am doing the multiple vitamin, vitamin B, vitamin B6, L-Glutamine thing and that seems to be working well for me. I have a fuzzy head and now wear baseball caps without a lovie underneath, which works well in this surprising 80-degree northern Virginia weather we have been having.



I have joined a spiritual support group and try to write as much as possible to deal with my emotions through this. I have had some pretty difficult periods of depression lately, but couldn't bring myself to take the Paxil my onc. prescribed so am still going it alone. My oncologist says I am exhibiting some signs of anxiety (can't catch a deep breath at times) and has refered me for counseling, which I will be looking into soon.



Last month I started working with a lymphedema therapist because we aren't sure whether the swelling I am experiencing along my trunk is simply Taxol related or not. It seems to be more than that. I had nine nodes removed on that side. Anyway, I am learning the manual drain massage techniques and will continue with them as they do give me peace and the comfort of knowing I am doing everything I can.



I still regularly attend my women's cancer support group and have made some good friends there. We also get monthly Reiki sessions and I have really like those.



I have finished my exercise therapy and have full range of motion in my arms and better control and strength in the abdominal area. I had a bilateral DIEP flap reconstruction back in September. Those scars are now very light pink and flat. I still massage them every day.



My husband and I are walking three miles a day now and just love the primroses and daffodils we see everywhere. Spring always fills me with a sense of promise and joy, and I am letting those feelings in as much as I can. My daughter is still way too far away, but I had her for two separate weeks around the Christmas holiday and then again in January. It doesn't look like I'll be doing any traveling this year with my weekly Herceptin schedule, although my onc. said I could have some treatments on a three-week cycle if I wish.



All of this has been a full-time job for me. I still do some educational consulting work, but most of my time is spent taking care of myself and working on my quilting, which keeps me going. My quilting friends are also very important to me.



Good wishes to all of you on this thread. I didn't realize how long my "just checking-in" would be. It felt good to summarize all that's been going on for me.



Love from Anna

Good to hear from you, Anna.
Debbie - yea!!
Thank you for all of your encouraging words. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you! I feel much better today. A neighbor is going to keep an eye out for my kids so I don't feel any pressure. My husband will meet me at the appointment but then will have to leave once the infusion starts due to a meeting. I've found that if I tell the nurse to give me my premeds slowly I am able to drive at the end of the infusion and don't feel at all loopy.
I've tried to insert another picture - can't remember how I did it the first time! Don't know if you can see my fuzz or not...it's coming in really gray!
You are ALL an inspiration and I hope you are all doing well today!!!