Spreading hope not despair

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jackboo09
jackboo09 Member Posts: 920
edited June 2014 in HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer

I was diagnosed with IDC 9 months ago. I live in England. Up till now I have only lurked on this site. At times I have found it to be the most amazing support in times of real darkness. I have been able to read about the bravery of so many women who are battling this terrible disease and I do not feel alone.

My issue is this: Should  stories of sisters who have lost their battle be visible for us all to see? I understand that the most incredible friendships are forged on this site. However, I personally find it extremely distressing to read about ladies who have passed away.(especially when their signature diagnosis is similar to my own). This has happened to me today and I feel like it has caused me to take a huge step backwards in my own battle to stay positive. I respect the need to remember and honour these women who have in turn supported many individuals but surely this could be done in a more sensitive manner. It is human nature to compare, to read, to research etc. Perhaps I am being unreasonable? Any thoughts? 

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  • NHsmiles
    NHsmiles Member Posts: 138
    edited November 2011

    Hi Jackboo....

    I am the same diagnosis as you, but have lymph node involvement.  Our sisters who have passed on to be angels does no bother me one bit.  I embrace their courage and learn a lot from them.  I do not believe their posts should be removed.  Would we remove memories of people we care for when they pass?  It would be the same thing.

     Also, everyone on this planet is terminal.  I do not focus on Breast Cancer being a death march.  Once could cross the street and get hit by a truck or have a heart attck at any time. 

    There is a sisterhood among BreastCancer patients that no one on the outside could ever understand...all I wish for our sisters who have passed is a very peaceful passing and think that they are now pain free and no longer suffering.

    Keep in mind not everyone who is diagnosed with Breast Cancer dies from the disease. Each individual body is different, and responds differently to treatments.  Live for today, not for the futureKiss. Living for today alleviates  a lot of stress and anxiety in general.  I learned this several years ago during my divorce and living for today has helped a great deal.

    Hugs,

    Heather 

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  • Beeb75
    Beeb75 Member Posts: 325
    edited November 2011

    The sad reality is that breast cancer does claim some lives. The vast majority of women diagnosed with early stage breast cancer do not die from the disease, but some do. We all have to come to grips with that possibility. Jackboo, it seems you may have been diagnosed very recently, and it's a challenge to accept our new reality. It gets better with time. You will eventually realize that you will most likely beat your cancer, and feel more positive and hopeful.

    But I don't think we should hide away the stories of the women who were not so lucky. I never believe in burying the truth. Ultimately, it would do more harm than good.  

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  • jackboo09
    jackboo09 Member Posts: 920
    edited November 2011

    Hi Heather

    Thank you so much for your reply. You are certainly right about the sisterhood. It was not my wish to delete anybody's posts or erase any memories. I suppose my own post just goes to show my current state of mind. It only takes one negative story and my mind is reeling all over again. Being in active treatment doesnt help either. I am due to have Herceptin number 11 on Friday.

    Your reply has made me more determined than ever to live for today as everything you said makes sense and worry is really a wasted emotion. In the meantime I have decided to upload my photo (i'll need help with this!) and get chatting to everyone out there.

    Hugs back 

    Liz

    P.s I had one underarm lymph node and one in my breast.

    L

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  • jackboo09
    jackboo09 Member Posts: 920
    edited November 2011

    Hi Beeb75

    You are right and I have to learn how to deal with situations like this because it is reality and it is part of being human. I went to my parents last week, picked up the local paper and happened upon a negative story. It plunged me into a spiral of depression for days. 

    All this has made me realise that I am still at a very early stage of this journey. the silly thing is that I am not miss doom and gloom 24/7.It comes and goes. I did try two counselling sessions but I didnt feel as if I was gaining from it. `Talking' to you and NHsmiles has been wonderful today. I have been very foolish in not doing so before now. Hope we will speak some more. Best wishes

    Liz

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  • NHsmiles
    NHsmiles Member Posts: 138
    edited November 2011

    Hi Liz.....

    Try  different couselors until you find on that fits.Cool Also, find a support group it really helps to have others who understand what you are feeling.  I recently joined one and look forward to going.

    I tend to be on the hypersensitive side regarding what I have been through and don't talk about it unless I am at my counselors office or support group.  When people say " you look fine why do you talk about cancer." It is hard for me to hold back from telling them to piss off so now i just tell them to stop talking and not talk to me about cancer at all.

    I used to be a serious worrier and afraid of upsetting the apple cart and now I just don't give a crap.  If someone is rude, I let them know it.  When they over step ther bounds or minimize cancer...I tell them to stop talking.  No one understands unless they have been through it.

     I am working on accepting the new me.  I spent more time recovering from complications from treatments then the treatments themselves. Make sure you put yourself first and take care of yourself. 

    I have my days that I am as blue as ever regarding dying from cancer...and I just ride it out. It's not the fear of dying from cancer that gets us, it's the fear of dying in general.  I am a believer in quality of life not quantity. I don't want to be 90 years old and not recognize my children and in bed all day.

    Just chalk it up to being the crappiest year of your life and look forward.  People tell me just look how far I have come since last year, and trust me that sets my ass real straight instantly!

    Hugs,

    Heather 

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  • Beeb75
    Beeb75 Member Posts: 325
    edited November 2011

    It took me a year at least to get over the terror that cancer brought into my life. You will get there too!

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