THANKSGIVING 2 YEARS AGO..................

faithfulheart
faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

2 years ago on Thanksgiving day, I was a couple weeks out from my BMX . I was trying to figure out if I would be able to take enough pain medication to get me over to my sister's house for dinner. Well it was tough,  I was lucky enough to get the drains out before I went though. I got myself dressed, and wanted to go back to bed I was so tired, but my DH and kids incouraged me to go, so I did!!!  I had a really tough time that 2009 Thanksgiving day, I had just found out my cancer went from a stage 2 to a late stage 3 over night. As I sat on the sofa, watching my beautiful family talk, laugh, drink wine and eat, I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry. All I could think about was the road that was ahead of me, 6 months of hard chemo. 38 rounds of rads, an ooph.

more breast surg. and of course, tamox, and dr.'s the rest of my life!!!! At the time, I could not see the future, would I laugh again like everyone was, would I live to see my kids grow up, or grow old with the love of my life, at that moment I saw nothing. The pain was so bad I went up to my sister's bed took a percecet and cried and cried............ My dad came up stairs, he looked at me, 72 years old and said,  Honey this should be me, I want to take this from you, I have lived my life, this  is not how it's supposed to be!!!  He held my hand, my husband then found me, and before you know it, my whole family was on the bed with me. They were all just sitting with me, there really were no words at the time, we all new I had a long road ahead, and I did... However, as I am writing this, as tears roll down my face, I think back to 2 years ago on that night when all seemed lost to me. I was so heartbrroken for my family, we had been hit with this monster out of no where.

it just felt so unfair, who was I now, how will I make it through, and live again, I remember it all so well. One day, turned into a week, then a month, then a year, and then another year. That would bring me to Thanksgiving 2011, well. strong, mind body and soul, Thank you God for your never ending grace, mercy and that strength that has come to me on my darkest days!!  To all my sister's just starting there journey, there is so much hope!!!  I do laugh again,  just harder, I am living, just better!!  I am growing old and raising my faimily, I am just doing it better then I did before.

I am loving my family, holding them closer, and thanking God for each and everyday!!!!!!!!!!!1

I plan on being an old women, many more Thanksgivings to come!!! To all my sister's those just starting and scared, you will be ok, and to those ahead of me, thank you for the strength you have provided me over the last 2 years, I am grateful for all of you, I am grateful to be living a great life, one I cherish everyday, life is a gift, I really know that now and I take nothing for granted. I do cry more, mostly tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all the strong women who have to take this journey, may God bring you peace and take away your fear, know your life will be long, and that someday, this will just be a memory,  that only made you the beautiful, amazing women you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So many blessings you over flow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steph

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Comments

  • Pessa
    Pessa Member Posts: 519
    edited November 2011

    Beautiful

    Thank you

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  • misswim
    misswim Member Posts: 931
    edited November 2011

    So inspiring, thank you so very much!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited November 2011

    Faithful..you just made my day..and my Thanksgiving...thank you for YOU...

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  • TectonicShift
    TectonicShift Member Posts: 752
    edited April 2013

    Thank you so much, Steph. I REALLY needed to read this because I am exactly where you were two years ago. Just waiting to find out if I am Stage 3b or 3c - otherwise exactly the same. Same fears, same tears, same loving parents who said "It should be me." Unfortunately I am not up to making it to my sister's house for Thanksgiving tomorrow as she is several states away. But this evening as I sit on the sofa contemplating spending my first Thanksgiving in 48 years away from family, your words are beautiful and inspirational and much appreciated. 

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  • Eileenohio
    Eileenohio Member Posts: 460
    edited November 2011

    Steph, Thank you so much.  Your journey is so encouraging  you give me so much hope.You truly are an inspiration. .  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Bless you.    Eileen 

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  • beacon800
    beacon800 Member Posts: 922
    edited November 2011

    Beautiful heart filling post. Thank you! Been there like you, I am two years out from BMX this December. Just got home from a vigorous horse riding session. I'm strong, well and so thankful.



    Love your post, really feeling it. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited November 2011

    Happy Thanksgiving Steph* Blessings

    diana

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  • SharonMH
    SharonMH Member Posts: 353
    edited November 2011

    Hi Steph.  Love your post. So happy that things are good  for you now. I wish  you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving. SharinH

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  • SheChirple
    SheChirple Member Posts: 954
    edited November 2011

    Thank you for your post.  I am facing my surgery on the Monday after TG.  I am gathering with family many times this weekend and am dealing with all of those feelings.  I do not yet have a Stage, as I am still pending surgery.  But, all the fears are the same.

    When I was at work today, for the last time before my surgery, I saw each person as though it might be the last time.  I will be a different person when I see them next, hopefully in just a few short weeks.

    Everything I do is 'for the last time' as the person I am now.

     I do not know what the future holds for me, not even a guess. I hope and pray for the best, but it is really women like you, who share your stories, that help me know that no matter what is found with this surgery, whatever my final Stage dianosis is, at this time, I have a long life ahead of me to tackle and LIVE!

    So, THANK YOU for your post.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2011

    What a wonderful post. One year ago today (wed) I was told I needed a surgical biopsy after a second mammo. Like you said...a long year, but a day becomes a week....



    May your blessings continue to be many and your trials few.

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  • Karina121293
    Karina121293 Member Posts: 370
    edited November 2011

    Thank you Steph. So beautiful, so much life and hope !!!!!

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  • tlundy
    tlundy Member Posts: 142
    edited November 2011

    Steph - what a wonderful post!!  There is a lot for us to be thankful for in spite of what we have gone through with this disease - great family and friends, wonderful medical teams, and God's power to give us strength and peace so the monster doesn't rob us of the ability to enjoy this special day and every day.  Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving to all! 

    Tara

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  • Likeachickadee
    Likeachickadee Member Posts: 116
    edited November 2011

    Thank you for such an inspiring post....it brought out some tears this morning that I've been trying to hold at bay as I wait for my excisional biopsy on Tuesday.  I'm not sure what my journey will be and am hoping for the best outcome. 

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and the rest of the brave women and men on these boards.

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited November 2011

    faithfulheart--you should copy this to the newly diagnosed threads.  It's a perfect and touching description of the bc journey and proof there is a future. 

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  • cp418
    cp418 Member Posts: 7,079
    edited November 2011

    Thank YOU!!!

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  • Claire_in_Seattle
    Claire_in_Seattle Member Posts: 4,570
    edited November 2011

    Hi Steph...... Thank you for this lovely post.  Thanksgiving does mark these times, and I am beyond thankful this year.  I also plan on becoming an old lady.  However, not one moment before I need to.  Way too much living to do prior to that.

    Happy, happy Thanksgiving. - Claire

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited November 2011

    What a beautiful post!  It took me back to that dark place and then reminded me of how far I have come.  I'm going to have a great day today!  No, the travel to my parents house and waiting in line for the ferry won't be fun, but this post reminds me why each day is special in it's unique way.  Thank you!

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  • DiDel
    DiDel Member Posts: 1,329
    edited November 2011

    Steph what a great post!! I can so relate being as I was diagnosed right before Thanksgiving two years ago and I remember at dinner wanting to just cry...I had not told anyone yet and felt like I was holding my breath all day. I ahd my surgery right before Christmas and came home Christmas day. As all of us I too went through a dark time thinking I would never feel good again...but like you I do! Two years out and I feel like myself again..and happy to still be standing! I do feel stronger and thankful for every day and all the amazing women I have met on this site...even those we have lost to this dreaded disease.

    Happy holidays to all!!

    Diane

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  • TAPPY
    TAPPY Member Posts: 283
    edited November 2011

    Thank you for this post - it made my day

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  • Janetanned
    Janetanned Member Posts: 532
    edited November 2011

    Thank you so much for this message!  I'm 14 days post-op (Bmx,AND, DIEP/TRAM) and I am having a hard time thinking of the future. You give me hope!

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited November 2011

    That's awesome Steph! Many blessings to you and your family:)

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  • elmcity69
    elmcity69 Member Posts: 998
    edited November 2011

    steph, as usual, so heartfelt and ALIVE.

    so so happy you've made it...keep on keeping on, dear sistah

    love hugs joy

    j

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  • dlm217
    dlm217 Member Posts: 81
    edited November 2011

    Thank you.  I needed this post today.  I'm 11 days post op and was feeling down this morning.

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited November 2011

    Great post Steph, Happy Thanksgiving!

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  • geewhiz
    geewhiz Member Posts: 1,439
    edited November 2011

    Sometimes I make myself crazy..coming onto this site, seeing so much sadness. And I swear it off for awhile.

    And I always inevitably, log back on and then, someone like you Steph, comes along and makes me remember that it's just this sort of post filled with hope, that I am logging on looking for...I am so very thankful for you!!

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited November 2011

    Ladie's,

    you are all so beautiful and strong!!!!  I am so happy my story helped in any way.............. It's so true, life goes on and we live,  we do live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    "This to shall pass"  a quote my mom always said to me in hard times, really meant alot after bc came along!!!!! and it's so true!!!!!!!!!!!!! The really hard time does pass, and we learn that the New us is pretty awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    God bless you all

    love, steph

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  • RaiderDee
    RaiderDee Member Posts: 150
    edited November 2011

    Thanks Steph, I was right there with you on Thanksgiving 09.  It was my first round of chemo and I was sure it was going to be my last Thanksgiving.  Shoot ahead two years in the future and I'm healthy and happy.  I'll never be the person I was before BC but I'm doin ok.  Life does go on newly diagnosed sisters.  No matter what it feels like in the beginning, just hang on.  It will get better eventually, I promise. Take care.

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  • myrtle1
    myrtle1 Member Posts: 29
    edited November 2011

    Dear Faithful heart,

    Our story is so much alike!! I was diagnosed 11/3/08, on my birthday.  Had 1st surgery on Thanksgiving Eve, '08.  Spent that Thanksgiving in bed, while my family cooked for me.  We cried at the Thanksgiving grace prayer at the dinner table.  Had lumpectomy with 4 sentinal nodes removed.  Well that pathology report came back 2/4 nodes positive and margins were clear, but very close.  Since my surgeon had to go back in for more nodes anyway, he took more breast tissue to get really clear margins.  Well that pathology report came back with 8 additional nodes positive! We were shocked, as tumor was still considered small at 1.9cm.  Chemo started about Feb 1st, 2009.  Dose-dense...4 rounds of A/C two weeks apart, followed by weekly Taxol then 35 rads.  Your feelings are just like mine were.  Then, turn around & it's 3 years later!!  The daily fear subsides into maybe a weekly fear and you find your way to dealing with it.  Thanks for sharing your story!! Here is to many, many more Thanksgivings!!!

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  • pupmom
    pupmom Member Posts: 5,068
    edited November 2011

    Dear faithfulheart, Thank you so much for your post! I read it on Thanksgiving but was not ready to respond until now. I went through my dark night of the soul on 11/22 when I learned I have 2 involved sentinel nodes, after, prior to surgery, being reassurred by all docs that nodes were undoubtedly clean. However, I am still full of hope and life and I WILL beat this thing! Stories like yours inspire me and give me so much hope! God bless you and all the wonderful sisters on this board! 

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  • faithfulheart
    faithfulheart Member Posts: 544
    edited November 2011

    Queenie11, you have just inspired me!!!!  Thank you for your story,  all of you are so amazing, thank God for the women that have gone before us, they encourage us to keep on keepin on!!

    xoxox Steph

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