stage III choosing alternative

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I don't think it's a good idea to think your body can heal itself. Many of us lived incredibly healthy lifestyles and still got bc.  Cancer is insidious. Living healthy may help it not come back, after you've had treatments, but it's not going to make it go away.  Best of luck to you. Perhaps after the initial shock wears off she will realize that she needs to be more aggressive in her approach to healing.

I would also be happy to talk with your relative. I had chemo before surgery and after surgery.  While it wasn't easy, it is doable.  Yes, I worked full time through all of my treatments.  Personally, let me say that again, PERSONALLY I would not take a chance on Stage III BC being controlled without some "conventional" treatment.  Do you happen to know if her tumor is HER2+?  If it is, that would make me even more concerned if she does not seek more treatment.

I know it must be breaking your heart! It may be very difficult for you to accept her final decision if she chooses the holistic path,  but if you must then just hold her hand and love her ... it's really all you can do.

Fufu:  I am in a similar situation to your relative.  I found my lump after nursing, now stage 3 high grade aggressive. I am willing to "go through this with her"  I don't have a young women's support group locally and I am a stay at home mom to my 16mo old son.  I start my chemo on Monday after getting my second opinion at MD Anderson in TX.  Basically I have been told that chemo sucks but that its managable.  Do I want to do chemo, NO but I will do anything to spend every second I can with my son   My tumor was huge and in my lymphs also, so I understand her hesitation.  It seems like there is no point, that everything is already over, but its not true.  The treatments work. and a good center will make sure that she gets the best treatment with the lowest side effects.  Also there are tons of meds I have been given to manage the treatments. 

That being said, I have been told it will be a sucky 6 months, but I will trade that for a wonderful 20+ more years.  Good luck, it sounds like she is lucky to have such a loving wonderful friend who cares so much about her.  Keep caring, she will need the support no matter what decision she makes in the end!

fufu: I understand why you're so scared.  I would be too.  The thing is, she gave the holistic health center a chance to present their case to her about how she can be cured.  I would think she would give her oncologist a chance to do the same.  If she doesn't like her original oncologist, get a 2nd opinion.  I understand how scared she must be about chemo with what happened to you moms . . . that was tragic.  But their circumstances were most likely not identical to hers.  All you can do is be there for her.  I just hope she doesn't wait until it's too late.  Will she do scans again in a little while to make sure the holistic "stuff" is working?

Fufu, I don't blame you for being scared.  I've been on this journey 15.5 years and am not aware of one single person surviving Stage 3 Grade 3 BC with a holistic lifestyle alone.  No doubt she is terrified herself, but the reality is she has BC and could be risking her very life without at least surgery.  You obviously care deeply for her and have already done your best to convince her; so I suggest it is time for some really tough love.  Yes, you are risking your relationship but what is more important?  I'd say staying alive.

I'm not against a holistic lifestyle or alternative meds.  In fact I had a Naturopath/MD when I was going through chemo.  To me a very important factor is there is no clinical proof that alternative/holistic is a viable alternative.  Until there is, I feel one puts oneself in great jeopardy by not at least combining alternative, holistic and medical intervention.

All the best, She

Fufu i'm so sorry that on top of this diagnosis for your relative that you have to think about her refusing treatment that has been shown to extend life and reduce symptoms. You do have to be there for her but if only you could get her to talk to someone who has been where she is, at a similar age and with a young family. My very kindest thoughts to you and wishes for your relative x

Fufu I was scared of chemo too. When we think of chemo we think of what we see on TV… usually the character only has a week to live. Chemo isn't fun but no way near as bad as I thought. She should visit some of the treatment/chemo centers. Some are better than others. She might be surprised. 

As far as holistic. The theory is to let the body heal itself. While I do believe out bodies do this most of the time, if you get cancer you body isn't doing it. So many of us here have had perfectly healthy life styles and "did nothing wrong" but still got cancer. I personally favor complimentary not alternative. This is because I feel there are many things that have to be in place in order to get cancer. You can't solved the problem with just one method in most cases especially the later the stage cases. While a stage 0 or I might be able to just do surgery and holistic and have very successful outcomes I have seen those successes go way down as the stage goes up.

I would try to get you relative to talk with women that have gone through this. I would also talk in terms of complimentary. Explain that she can build her body back up after chemo with complimentary.

BTW I have to add that I did the bilateral mastectomy, 10 nodes one side, 4 nodes other side, 6 rounds of chemo, a full year of Herceptin and now 5 years of Anstrozole (now that I'm in perminent chemo-pause) and I feel great. Almost done with my reconstruction too. Just have tattoos.

I'm so sorry to hear about this - I too, am very into holistic healing, however, being the mom of four kids, there was no way I was not going to throw chemo at this monster.  That wasn't even a question.  I was told many things that were so scary to me - a woman in my church had just been through chemo and was hospitalized every time she had a treatment for rehydration -she was SO sick -- so so sick.  She was allergic to the chemo though!  She had every horror story in the book for me....and I was so scared.

But I did well on chemo.  Yeah, the first one was hard; but that was my own fault.  I didn't take the anti-nausea medicine so I had a rough night that first night.  I never threw up after that.  I sort of got into a "rhythm" where I'd know what to expect each day.  I too, envisioned myself in bed for months at a time, but that just wasn't how it was.  I had dose dense, which is every two weeks and really the only tough time was that first week, then the second week I would feel totally normal until it was time for a treatment again.  

Really, there are so many proactive things she can do in order to protect her body during chemo - eating right, juicing, exercise, etc. 

 I did turn down tamoxifen; which is  a five year drug, after I was on it for three weeks.  The side effects for me were unbearable and landed me in the emergency room.  But skip chemo?  No way....not worth it.  Chemo doesn't always work - in fact many times it totally fails, but it's antoher weapon to throw at this awful disease.

To just bury your head and think that changing your eating habits or something at stage 3 is suicide IMO.  I had a cousin who did that and she was gone within three years at the age of 32....   That is it was never a question for me.  

I hope perhaps your relative may find an integrative oncologlist, who is able to work with her at both levels - holsitic and medical. 

fufu ... show her this thread!

FuFu - I understand the fear your friend is going through. I personally am more afraid of chemo than cancer which sounds crazy. 

No it isn't amazing I'm here to talk about it. Chemo works more often than it fails.