Feeling so sad.

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NeedtobeSTRONG
NeedtobeSTRONG Member Posts: 101
edited June 2014 in HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer

I am having such a difficult time since last night.  I am so mad and sad.  This year I finished nursing school got my Rn lisence then I found out I had Breast Cancer.  This holiday season was supposed to be so great. I was supposed to have a new job be making more money and be on the hunt for a home that my husband and I have been working so hard for the past 3 years.  We have been living with my inlaws while I finished school.  Since this Diagnosis I feel like all of my hard work and happiness has been ripped away from me.  I am trying so hard to stay stron and positive but I have been crying all morning.  I am so scared of reoccurance!  I have 2 beautifule little girls 4 & 7 who have been so happy money has been home with no school.  Now they have a mommy with "hurt boobies"  who can not pick them up, can not cudle in bed with them, and who is always so sad.  I want my life back!  I need my life back. 

When the final patholgy report came back from my surgery and they told me I was a stage 3c with 15 positive nodes. My heart sank and has not returned.

How do you ladies get through this and smile!  I need to smile again! 

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  • Ellie1959
    Ellie1959 Member Posts: 316
    edited November 2011

    I'm sorry you are going through such a sad time right now. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road and you can continue on and realize all of your dreams. I know when I got diagnosed I felt sad too, I had just gotten engaged, started a new job - My kids were older but still needed their Mommy too. And now I am almost six years out - and mine is Stage 3 too. There are a lot of great people on this board who will give you great comfort and support. It's hard not to be trite and say everything will be fine etc. but there is life beyond dx - I never thought I'd be here writing this 6 years ago - and I'm fine - I hope you have someone to talk to and for me antidepressants (Cymbalta) are a God send. Take care - Ellie

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  • rachelvk
    rachelvk Member Posts: 1,411
    edited November 2011

    First of all - congratulations on your RN! That shows you've got a lot of determination, even if you have to put that on hold at the moment.

    Secondly, I am sending my best thoughts and virtual hugs. Breast cancer really has a knack of taking so much away from us - not just our 'boobies.' I'm stage 2, so I know my situation is so different than yours, but I do understand the fear, dread and anger that we all go through no matter where we are in our lives. All I can say is hug your daughters as closely as you can now (I'm 3 weeks out of a bmx so I do understand that) and take every day as it comes. If you haven't already found them, there are a lot of stage 3 women around this board (and maybe some in your own community) who are pushing ahead with their lives. There are so many options in nursing now that I'm sure you can find something that will fit whatever schedule you need, even if it's not what you had initially expected. And when you think of it, your experience may help you become an even better nurse because you can understand your patients in a new way.

    I truly wish you and your family the best. 

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited November 2011

    I am sorry you're having difficulties, but not surprised. It all sucks, and there is never a time to hear the words BC. ( I was dxed 6wks before my wedding, whisch of course was post poned for a yr)

    Anyway, good suggestion about the antidepressant, Studies show great benefit for ladies going through BC tx.

    YOU will get through all of this.It's crappy ,but it is doable. Time passes and soon you 'll be able to cuddle your children and resume your life as you imagined.

    Try to take one day at a time, and talk to your Dr, about your feelings.

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  • kriskat
    kriskat Member Posts: 163
    edited November 2011

    Needtobe- I totally feel where you are coming from. I felt like I had the world at my feet this time last yr and had the rug pulled out from under me right after the first if the yr. Now, 11 months in and almost 6 months after chemo(still have 5 herceptins's) I am starting to feel new normal. Will I ever be the old me-probably not, but I hope to come to accept the "new me"! As a 36 yr old mom, I hope to be around for a long time and I hope you are too!!

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  • NeedtobeSTRONG
    NeedtobeSTRONG Member Posts: 101
    edited November 2011

    Thank you everyone!  I ended up reaching out to the social worker at my PS office and I am going to go to my first support meeting with other women in the groupon Monday.  I think this will help alot.  I find it so hard to always lean on my family and friends. partly because I know they are having some difficutlties with this as well.  I thank you ALL for your kind words.  I actually feel much better now.  My MIL took me out shoping for my little girls birthday present and decided to have some family over for pizza and birthday cake tommorow for her.  So I had some fun picking out some party stuff for her.  I think I need to focus more on my kids and enjoying them then on the negative.  It is so hard but when I see them smile It makes me so happy.  I need to be strong and get through this for them. 

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  • Omaz
    Omaz Member Posts: 5,497
    edited November 2011
    Need - So sorry that you are going through this.  I read on one of your previous posts that you are doing TCH and I wanted to invite you over to the taxotere,carboplatin, herceptin thread.  It is a lively thread with many helpful women who have been through TCH or are currently going through it.  ((((((Hugs to you)))))))
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  • NeedtobeSTRONG
    NeedtobeSTRONG Member Posts: 101
    edited November 2011

    Had such a nice day today!  It was so beautiful out.  I got the kids dressed and we headed out to the park. My kids were so excited mommy was taking them.  they played and I soaked up the beautiful sunshine.  It felt so good to get out and have some fun with my kids!

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  • Omaz
    Omaz Member Posts: 5,497
    edited November 2011
    need - I am so happy to hear that you had a good day with your kids!!
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