I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

Bad medical jokes.

How can nurses stand to work in busy hospitals?

They have lots of patients.

What do you call a doctor who is always on the telephone?

An ON-CALLogist.

What do you call bugs with cancer? MalignANT and BEEnign.

An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukaemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month."

Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting. Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers.

After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."

Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone.

Three buddies were talking about death and dying. One asked, "When you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man."

The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy says, "I would like to hear them say LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!"

Real Doctor's Notes
  1.   Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
  2.   Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  3.   On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.
  4.   The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  5.   Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
  6.   Healthy-appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  7.   The patient refused autopsy.
  8.   The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  9.   Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
10.   Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a

        40-pound weight gain in the last three days.
11.   She is numb from her toes down.
12.   Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13.   I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
14.   Skin: somewhat pale but present.
15.   The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

BD - fabulous - I almost thought I heard "neighing" while I was laughing - went to the "alt" thread, jeeeeez, chem bashing never dies ;-)

Wonder who KD really is?

HUGS to all who are so good at making us laugh!

Sitting here chuckling - good one Blue - I was starting to think you were starting to gallop

I had ILC too BUT HER2+ve - extremely rare, so chemo was a no brainer for me. Plus seeing we know our onc so well (from DH), we totally trust him.

Sue

I have known my onc for 25 years. I know of 2 people who went for a second opinion at the University of Michigan and were told that if he was their doctor he was as good as anyone at U of M. I trust him.

Rabbit .. yes, you have to type what they say!  I usually underline the phrase and send a note to the doctor pointing out that his dictation makes no sense.

And you have to prepare their reports the way they want them done.  Period.  Even if the grammar and made-up words make no sense whatsoever!

Hope everyone had a good day.  I spent three hours blowing and mowing leaves.  I'm so sore.  Thankfully only the HUGE oak tree still has leaves on it.

I heard from my cousin yesterday .. and she is very nauseated and sleeping all the time.  I don't think it will be much longer for her.

hugs,

Bren

You had a post deleted that said "Fascinating"?

I believe a "wow" and an "indeed" were also deleted......

Those were my posts that said wow and indeed. Then I got called a bully. That thread is really strange.

It is off the active list.

Blue----forgot to tell you I posted the cat n pants picture for DH to enjoy. Everything you put on here is very enjoyable (is that word OK to use,E, or is it trademarked?)  See, RB, your part of that GANG!! Susie had better be careful, too. Thats why I pretty much post only here. I dont need the stress of the "others" Here is honest opinion,love,and support for each others opinions, not arguments!!!spelling? doesnt look right.-----kad2kar

Thanks for the laughs, everyone.

What passes as deletable and as non deletable is truly amazing on that thread. It's ok for someone to insult Rosemary and accuse her of having an agenda? Nay, I say! Neigh!!