My mom just got diagnosed!

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A1B1
A1B1 Member Posts: 35
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi,

I am new and this is my first post. I am scared and crushed! my mom just got diagnosed with breast cancer last week on Friday. I was not there with her when the doctor called her to give her the results, I find out later from her. she told me she got diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer. At first, I was at shock and didn't seems serious to me till day after. The worse thing for me is that I am a pharmacy student in different state and I am not there with her and she is all alone! I'm in a middle of a block and if I drop it, I would risk a whole year delay in my graduation. I do want to take it off, but she doesn't want me to, she sacrified a lot in order for me to continue my educaiton and I know if I delay my graduation, she would be crushed! I am lost and sad. Worse thing is that I know she wouldn't tell me everything as she doesn't want me to get distracted! I'm gone work with my scheduale to be with her as much as I can, but not being there all the time hurts me, I don't wane feel guilty about this later.

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  • Margi1959
    Margi1959 Member Posts: 178
    edited November 2011

    Sorry you're not getting any replies here.  Just giving your post a bump.  Please do continue with your schooling - it sounds like your Mom wants you to.  Until you can be there with her, the biggest way you can help her is to become educated about breast cancer, the staging, the treatment options, the emotional impact it has for sufferers and supporters.  There is so much information online and, joining support groups really does help.  Keep talking to your mom, asking her what her treatment plan is and how you can help her.  Let her drive for this part of your journey.

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  

    hugs,

    Margi

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  • Lulu22
    Lulu22 Member Posts: 175
    edited November 2011

    Hi A1B1,

    As a mom myself I'm going to let you in on a secret. You know how scared you are for your mom? Your mom's probably just as scared about how her diagnosis is impacting you. When I got my diagnosis my first thought was not for myself. It was "OMG, how am I going to tell my kids?" Please support your mom and let her know you love her, but then go on with your life. Your mom wouldn't want her disease to mess up your education. 

    There are some things you can do to help your mom long distance. Keep in regular contact. Email her, call or text. Whatever feels right. The important part is just to let her know you're thinking of her. If your mom likes to laugh send her a funny email or youtube clip now and then. My own daughter, who's away at school, has really cheered me up with some wacky stuff. 

    I'll also tell you what I told my own mom, who wanted to cancel her travel plans to be with me. "Everyone will have a turn." IOW, take your turn when it makes sense for your schedule but don't try to take on the full burden of your mother's care. Go home at Thanksgiving or Christmas and help her with the day to day stuff then. If you're worried about your mom getting enough support while you're at school you can help her set up a care page. We used Lotsa Helping Hands. It allows you to set up a schedule for meals, rides, errands or anything else your mom will need help with. You can then invite family and friends to join and they can sign up for the tasks on your schedule. If your mom does not have a wide array of friends but is part of a faith group you can ask her church to set up a schedule to deliver meals and other help.

     https://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/   

    Ironically, even though I'm currently a breast cancer patient I'm also in your position. My own MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks after I was. I feel horrible that I can't be with her to support her but I'm trying to follow my own advice!

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  • A1B1
    A1B1 Member Posts: 35
    edited November 2011

    Thanks Margi and Lulu22 for your support and tips. Seeing all the brave women in this site is teaching me of how to be strong. As my mom's wishes I contiue with my schooling. I talk to her every day as she is deciding for her treatment plan, although we are still not sure what is the best yet.

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