NOW I've decided to be vain.....

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misswim
misswim Member Posts: 931
edited June 2014 in Stage I Breast Cancer

I am about two weeks PFC. Despite a double mastectomy, reconstruction, 8 rounds of AC/T, and now tamox, I have gone to work with my head held high, been a mom to my kid, a good wife to my husband and I haven't really thought much about my appearance....... so I look like shit, I have been fighting cancer for six months.

All of a sudden I looked at myself in the mirror today and had a break down. I have a head full of peach fuzz, about 4 eyelashes and half an eyebrow left. I look like a naked mole rat!

We have been invited to a huge housewarming party for our dear friends tomorrow. I am struggling with attending because even with a wig and makeup, I don't look like me. Alot of friends I have not seen since my diagnosis will be there, and on top of not feeling good about how I look, I don't want to talk about my cancer! I had clean post chemo scans, I am celebrating that.

These freinds did alot for us during chemo, meals, taking me to infusions, etc........ how can I not go? I need a pep talk that I need not be ashamed of my appearance and that I should go and live my life........ Or maybe some tips on drawing in my eyebrows and do fake lashes really do the trick?

I apologize in advance if this seems like a trite post, but I can't be the only person who has ever felt this way......

Thanks for your words of wisdom!

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited November 2011

    You go girl and keep that head up.  You have been through a horrible experience--and you have made it--and it sounds like you have worked hard to be there for your family.  I know it is so hard, I've been there sister.  Never apologise for speaking your truth! xo

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  • Lilyn
    Lilyn Member Posts: 282
    edited November 2011

    Hi Misswim. We all know exactly how you feel....your description was pretty funny. I used to get out of the shower look in the mirror and think"yikes an alien has landed", bald, no boobs...Well the hair is back, no boobs yet but man I think I look damn good. you go and enjoy yourself and you see your friends, Put on a pretty scarf  (or not!) use a little eyebrow shadow to fill in your eyebrows, a little lipstick and off you go. You are beautiful my darling girl and strong as hell to get through what we have done. Best wishes and hugs Lois

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  • perky
    perky Member Posts: 241
    edited November 2011

    Sounds like a great reason to make an appt at one of those everything salons and get your makeup done complete with false lashes and get your wig styled. When you leave, you still won't look like you but maybe a glamazon version of you. I hope you go and have a great time!

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2011

    If you can get into a place and get a professional makeup job, that would be the way to go. Otherwise, do as Lilyn suggests with eyebrows and lipstick. Also adding some dangly earrings, and a big blingy necklace distracts the attention from the face. Feeling vain is actually a very GOOD thing and something to celebrate too; it means you are starting to think of more everyday, normal concerns instead of all the horrible things one thinks about during treatment. Go and have a great time! Ruth

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  • Kyta
    Kyta Member Posts: 713
    edited November 2011

    I agree with the others. I hope you go and I really hope you have a great time!!!

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  • eulabt
    eulabt Member Posts: 194
    edited November 2011

    I can totally relate to how you feel. I did not go through chemo, but really have struggled at times to fit back in to my life. I didn't see a ton of people during my surgery, recovery and reconstruction. It took me a while to feel normal again. I am 10 months out and still felt this way last weekend. Family was in town that I hadn't seen in a couple of years. When they looked at me, they thought I looked just like I used to. Not what I wanted to hear. I have been through hell and back and am doing great. The whole process is hard, but you can do it. Take one day at a time. If you don't feel like going, then don't. There will be another time. Hugs.

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  • DocBabs
    DocBabs Member Posts: 775
    edited November 2011

    Go and have a great time. Your hair and eyebrows( lack of) are your medals for the battle that you've just gone through.I agree with the others about having the makeup applied professionally but if this is just a gathering with your friends I'd save the money and go for the accessories, bright scarf, earrings ,eye shadow .Use a powder for the eyebrows and they have stencils that you can use for the shape.Recently I was at a family gathering with some strangers thrown into the mix, and a cousin of mine was there with her bald husband. Seems like he shaved his head because my cousin lost her hair to chemo. She had a wig on but was clearly uncomfortable with it. I told her to just take it off. She did and felt so much better.You could see the change in her attitude, much more relaxed. Everything will grow back soon.

    Continued good healing.

    Barbara

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  • hbcheryl
    hbcheryl Member Posts: 5,113
    edited November 2011

    Like the others I say put on some dangly earrngs and necklace with some pretty lipstick and just enjoy being with your friends.  Sometimes the parties we dread going to are the one where we end up enjoying ourselves the most.

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  • misswim
    misswim Member Posts: 931
    edited November 2011

    I stenciled in some eyebrows , glued on some eyelashes, put a cute hat and outfit and went to the party..... and I had a great time. Several people told me I looked amazing, and there were two other friends their who are cancer survivors (one had Hodgkins 20 years ago and just went through a bought with adrenal gland cancer and the other had uterine cancxer). It was so good to talk to both of them, who are completed with treatment and doing well. And get this...... I was talking to an old friend whos cousin was recently diagnosed from Stage 3 to Stage 4 while on herceptin, and as she told me the story I realized....... oh my goodness, I know this story- and low and behold she was speaking of a fellow BCO sister who's story I have followed.......what a coincidence. I am so glad I went, and thank you all for the pep talk :)

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  • glasslady062011
    glasslady062011 Member Posts: 43
    edited November 2011

    Although I did not go through chemo, I am being told by my friends who have that bald is in right now.  I agree with the post above, ditch the wig, try a scarf if you are not comfortable going without.  Always remember less is better in some cases. 

    But most of all, go to the party and have fun!  You deserve it. 

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2011

    Glad you went and had fun! Getting out of the door is usually the hardest part!

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  • peggy_j
    peggy_j Member Posts: 1,700
    edited November 2011

    Good for you misswim for going to the party! The introvert in me would have been daunted at seeing all those people at once. (I sometimes forget that friends are there to support us) Glad you were able to push through your concerns. Hurrah for you!!!!

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  • misswim
    misswim Member Posts: 931
    edited November 2011

    It was a great night, and so nice to feel the love of friends! And I think I looked great, if I don't say so myself! Thanks so much for the support girls!!!

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited November 2011
    Cool....
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