Grade 3 - am I going to die

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jgbartlett
jgbartlett Member Posts: 112
edited March 2018 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

I have Grade 3 breast cancer. What are the chances I'll get through life without a recurrence ? Although I'm only Stage 2, I constantly worry that this disease is going to kill me. I read all the posts of women living for years, but for some reason it doesn't help - I'm keeping all of this to myself because I don't want to concern or worry my family with my irrational thoughts. I've been to 2 cancer funerals in the past month where my friends had been given the all clear, one in April this year, the other in June, yet this disease came back aggressively - snuck up and took them when they weren 't looking. Will I still be here this time next year. I'm 39. Does anyone else feel like this?

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  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 2,095
    edited October 2011

    Irrationality is the name of this game, particularly in the beginning.  I was planning my funeral, and the next day, elated like I had smoked 10 doobies that I was just plain old alive.

    I also was grade 3, though I squeaked in under the size limit and was a Stage 1.  Also 39. They took six nodes, but all were negative...you can't really "win" at this game.

    Your oncotype will give you a clearer picture of chances of recurrence.  As an ER+ patient, you should be eligible, unless there is something I'm missing.  I was grade 3, but it turns out the Oncotype was only 12.

    Do I think I'm off the hook?  Not by a long shot.  But, it will get better as you move along. It's an awful disease, and we are all afraid.  You also have a life to live, and from what I can see, your prognosis is good.

    As for your friends, I have a lot of friends who had cancer, and nary a one of them gave me the full profile.  Without knowing the real profiles of these friends, it's impossible to compare your situation.  And...it's impossible to compare, anyway.  My chances of getting this were like 2%.  Still happened.  You are a person, not a number.

    I have to share a funny with you:  the Britcom, Doc Martin had a classic.  A patient asks the doctor, "Am I going to die???"  Doc says, "Yes."......"Just not today."

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  • lago
    lago Member Posts: 17,186
    edited October 2011

    August 31st was my 1 year NED. I plan on being around for a long time. 49 at age of diagnosis.

    I highly recommend you get some counseling. My neighbor was diagnosed not long after I was. She was so freaked out and depressed. She finally got some counseling and is doing fantastic. She's like a new person… and she too is still NED. Like me she is a triple positive but stage 3. Smaller tumor but had node invasion.

    There is this other woman in my building that is a 35 year survivor. I think more of us early stagers make it we just don't see them because they are out living their lives and not hanging out on this forum. 

    There are lots of folks that have trouble moving on. This is scary stuff. I know how you feel about the funerals. Last winter after my last treatment my friends sister passed (non-hodgins lymphoma) and another local gal from this forum who I just spoke with 6 days before passed. It really got to me at the time. Both within days of each other.

     hugs ♥ ♥ ♥

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  • Kindergarten
    Kindergarten Member Posts: 4,869
    edited October 2011

    Yes, I was a grade 3 as well 7 years ago and my onc said Don't worry about the grade, and I haven't, and so far so good. Prayers are coming your way!!!!!! You will get through this, take each day at a time, hugs to you, Kathy

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited October 2011

    My coworker was diagnosed with Triple Negative, Grade 3, 3 nodes involved breast cancer FIVE YEARS ago...she continues to be cancer free and is not a candidate for an AI or Tamoxifen.

    Are you taking some sort of Tamoxifen or some sort of an AI or is there a plan for you to?  While not a complete fix for post-bc anxiety, it does help to relieve the anxiety a little. 

    Good luck to you. 

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  • rachelvk
    rachelvk Member Posts: 1,411
    edited October 2011

    I was diagnosed as Grade 3, Stage 1, triple negative in August and just had my surgery (no prior chemo) - so it was more than 2 months of freaking out. I read a lot of things on this site that scared me, but it also helped ground me for what I realize is going to be a life-long process (I'm 42). I agree that counseling could be helpful, and definitely reach out to support groups in your area or just other people you run across who are success stories. I believe that attitude is a huge factor in this process.

    Also, don't discount support from friends and family. You will run across people who don't want to, or know how to, understand, but you might find a few who you can at least express your fears and concerns to. But you will find that there are things that are best left in 'cancerland' because if you're not already there, you don't get it. 

    Good luck in your journey.

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  • MJLToday
    MJLToday Member Posts: 2,068
    edited October 2011

    I remember when I was first diagnosed at age 34, stage 2, I felt like I was being held by a terrorirst with a knife at my throat.  That feeling lasted for several weeks, but faded with time.  I was convinced I wouldn't see 40.  Now, though I have a recurrence, I am gunning for 50. 

    Do all your treatments, including the anti-hormonals.  Are your docs recommending ovarian ablation (zoladex, surgery, radiation?)  Once you've done all you can do, your anxiety should ease.  It it doesn't ease in a few weeks, think about getting counseling and/or medication to help with these fears.  No one should go through life healthy but afraid.  Don't let cancer steal more of your life than it already has. 

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  • sundermom
    sundermom Member Posts: 463
    edited October 2011

    I was 37 at diagnosis with grade 3, node involvement and vascular invasion. Even with all that my oncologists tell me that I have around 10% chance recurrence with my treatment plan - BMX, chemo, rads, 5 years of Tamoxifen and then 5 years of an AI. I'll take a 90% chance of living a nice long recurrence-free life. Are you having chemo? It made a lot of sense to me that chemo is effective on Grade 3 cells because they are dividing quickly and will hence die quickly! Stay positive! Everyone here says it gets easier that further you get out from treatment.

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  • Beeb75
    Beeb75 Member Posts: 325
    edited November 2011

    Jg, you could check cancermath.net for a specific estimate of the chance you'll have a recurrence. But I'll bet it's quite low once you factor in the treatments you've done or are doing. I know it's hard to wrestle with the fear of recurrence. My dx is similar to sundermom's and I was also told I had about a 10 percent chance of dying of breast cancer. Finally, I told myself I was only allowed to worry about that 10 percent of the time. The other 90 percent I had to assume it wasn't going to kill me, since those were my actual chances. 

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  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 2,550
    edited November 2011

    I was 37 when first diagnosed in 1987, stage IIb, 11 positive nodes. The diagnosis wasn't rosy. Then a year later a separate lung cancer appeared and a part of my lung was removed. All that was 24 years ago. It was 20 years cancer free before metastasis to my lung .... Received several treatments and finally found taxotere did the trick and am now NED. We're probably never home free but we are living!!! I am now nearly 61 (birthday Nov. 3) and waiting for my 4th grandchild. Wasn't sure I would even see my children grow up. The youngest just turned 29. Yeah! Don't give up on yourself!!

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  • SandyAust
    SandyAust Member Posts: 393
    edited November 2011

    Probably not.  I was diagnosed at 36 with stats almost identical to yours.  Although my tumour was just below 2cm so I was technically stage 1, ER+PR- HER2-, Grade 3.  I also had extensive high grade DCIS throughout my left breast which was removed.  I am 43 now and seven years out.  At the time I had two four year olds so I was very concerned for them. I found that after about two years the fear subsides and you begin to relax and plan for the future again. 

    I wish you all the best.

    Sandy

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  • SandyAust
    SandyAust Member Posts: 393
    edited November 2011

    Just thought I would add that attending the funerals of your friends would not be helping your state of mind.  I am very sorry for your loss.  About two and half years after finishing my chemo treatment, my mother was diagnosed with secondary cancer and died within twelve weeks. It knocked the stuffin out of me.  My boys were in year two and I remember waiting for them outside of class when some ladies asked how Mum was doing and I just burst into tears.  I am not a burst into tears kind of person, so I do think having people close to you pass from cancer so close to your own diagnosis does make it harder to cope with your own fears.

    Please trust me that it does improve with time.  Slowly you will rebuild your 'normal' life.

    Take care.

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  • jgbartlett
    jgbartlett Member Posts: 112
    edited November 2011

    Thanks so much for your responses.  A little about my treatment - I've had a lumpectomy, chemo and am half way through radiation, I'll then start on tamoxifen.

    Thanks for your stats, it's obvious people survive through this - I suppose I just need to focus on that and the positive, and pull myself out of this hole I seem to have fallen into.

    I have been thinking about counselling, as I have known I am not coping well emotionally, on the outside I look like I'm doing fine - people are always commenting on how great I look.

    Thanks again, your posts have really helped.

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  • sflow
    sflow Member Posts: 297
    edited November 2011

    Yes, do maintain a positive attitude.  I am almost 5 yrs out ( hooray) and still get anxiety at times.  Try to do some things to enjoy life--go for coffee with friends, take walks, pet a dog, read some good books.  It's the little things that help us get through life.

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  • NatsFan
    NatsFan Member Posts: 3,745
    edited November 2011

    I had a Grade 3 tumor am also Stage IIb with lymph node involvement.  I was dx almost 4 years ago.  These days I spend my time hiking the Appalachian Trail, running 5K races, doing yoga, gardening, working, walking the dogs, going out to dinner, and basically living my life.  I don't plan on going anywhere any time soon. 

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    Please try to focus on the positive points of your path report- like early stage, relatively small tumor, NO nodes involved (yay!) and ER+ HER-.   Those things are all in your favor.

    But I do understand and I know how scary it is - we all do.  

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  • Carmelle
    Carmelle Member Posts: 388
    edited November 2011

    we're all a mixed bag with receptors or grade or stage being only an indication of the likelihood of cancer recurring thus the way they determine how and who to treat in which ways. nobody ever knows what will happen down the line but the good news is today...you are doing fine & could live a long long life.

    after many years i've see many do well who seemed to have odds against and some the other way round. all in the same boat and many many of us living well past breast cancer.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    SandyAust makes a good point - attending those funerals most certainly didn't help.   Also, having just been diagnosed in May is still VERY recent!     I am just over 2 years out and just starting to get my life back.   Allow yourself time to absorb all this and to get through your treatments and appointments, begin your hormonal therapy, etc.   You will soon start to feel on a more even keel.

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  • determined3
    determined3 Member Posts: 128
    edited November 2011

    thanks for being brave enough to post. thanks for finding the words to post this ?. i have thought about those same concerns, but did not want to appear too negative. i honesty could not find the words to post. 

    thanks to all of you who responded. as you know, there are many of us who are here for support, even though we may not post. thanks for sharing.....you never know who is reading.

     this WHOLE thing is so very scary......it is literally life-altering in every single facet. ...but, hey, i don't have to tell any of you.

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011

    Determined, I agree.   It took guts to start this thread.   We all get scared but so often we feel we are supposed to put on such a brave face all the time.   It's okay to be scared sometimes :-)  

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  • pejkug3
    pejkug3 Member Posts: 902
    edited November 2011
    I, too, feel like I have to put on a brave face.  My grade was officially II/III (??) and between that and the HER2+, I have had the same thoughts. 

    I have no advice - I'm working through this issue myself.  But I just wanted to say that you are not alone.
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  • suemed8749
    suemed8749 Member Posts: 1,151
    edited November 2011

    The first thing I was told about my breast cancer was that it was grade 3. I googled that and thought that I was going to die. Sooner rather than later. Then more news - high ki67, ER/PR- Her2+, multifocal, two lumpectomies with unclear margins.... yeah, I put on a brave face, but inside I was terrified.

    That was 3 years and 9 months ago. Today I taught hs all day then went to a body pump exercise class. Dinner with my family. Living life and doing well. I'm still scared sometimes - hell, still occasionally terrified - but I've done what I could and my onc takes good care of me.

    Honestly, working and keeping busy has been a Godsend for me. Hard for me to focus on my health issues when dealing with a room full of teenagers. And they were great and wonderfully supportive through it all.

    Stay busy - don't go to crazy google sites - and realize that there are many of us here that are thriving years after a grade 3 dx. And any others who no longer post because they're out there living life!

    Wishing the very best to all of you, Sue

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  • brenda69
    brenda69 Member Posts: 39
    edited November 2011

    Hi there, I was diagnosed in 2005, triple negative stage 1!  I am 6 years clean- and still kicking!!  I do have hip pain, but my onco seems to think it is arthritis?  Anyway, you have many years left.  It was grade 3 too.

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  • jgbartlett
    jgbartlett Member Posts: 112
    edited November 2011

    I'm so glad I can talk to you ladies and you're all so supportive.  As I said I don't want to burden my hubby or kids with these negative thoughts.  I've continued to work full-time through my treatment (just had some days off during chemo cycles) so I am keeping busy. Sometimes (when I'm busy and distracted doing normal things) I forget about the cancer, but it always comes back.

    Anyway thanks again, you have all lifted my spirits.

    Julie xxx

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  • kad22
    kad22 Member Posts: 191
    edited November 2011

    Thanks for posting this question - It has been a year and 2 months since the end of my chemo and I am back on here because I think I may have a reaccurance. Probably nothing - my elbow/arm has been hurting for a month now but too afraid to contact the doctor. I was diagnosed triple neg. and the reaccurance rate is something to be afraid of but then for all of us it is. Stay strong.

    Kelli

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  • April-May
    April-May Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2018

    Are you still with us? I’m just reading this post now but am in the same situation that you were when you wrote this back in 2011. Praying you are doing well.

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  • bluepearl
    bluepearl Member Posts: 961
    edited February 2018

    There was a recent story on the news channel about a woman finishing up her last chemo treatment for breast cancer and walked out of the hospital relived, only to be struck down at the cross walk and killed. Nothing is guaranteed. Live your life each day GRATEFUL for a life having been saved through treatments. I worried about a second breast cancer and you know what? I got it. The worrying didn't change a darned thing, except ruin the time with worrying.

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  • wallan
    wallan Member Posts: 1,275
    edited March 2018

    I was grade 3 with a 7 cm tumor.


    14 years later - still NED

    wallan

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