Cancer can be a Gift.

I respectfully suggest that perhaps your choice of word was the problem... Yes... TIME may be a gift... But please understand CANCER is never a gift... It is an agony for all concerned. for those of us that have cancer... We see no gift... Some of us are grateful for time... And for some of us, even time ceases to be a gift. Please try to grasp that you are speaking to people enduring insufferable atrocities... No gift... No gift at all.

I, too, have lost several close friends and family members to cancer.  A dear friend I met on these boards 3-1/2 years ago learned a few weeks ago that her cancer is now in her bones.  Two of the women in my "Chemo group" have died of metastatic breast cancer since we all met here in 2008.  Another woman in our "Chemo group" learned that her mom was recently diagnosed with a rare and lethal form of pancreatic cancer.  My own grandfather died of metastatic lung cancer back when smoking was socially acceptable.

For those here on BCO who haven't heard the news yet:  tonight, we lost Nicki (a.k.a. Chemosabi, or Palaminoridesagain).

I am sorry, but I fail to see how anyone with any compassion or concern for other people could come to these Boards and claim that the cause of all this pain and sadness could somehow be considered "a gift". 

Unlike the O.P. but in common with most of the people who post on these Boards, I've had breast cancer.  I may still have it.  It could recur, despite my modified radical mastectomy, 12 weeks of chemotherapy, and 5+ years of estrogen-suppressing treatment.

Yes, I've heard a few women say their own cancer diagnosis was sort of a "gift", because it forced them to appreciate things they had overlooked. That's not a gift -- that's waking up in the middle of a nightmare.  That's a 2x4 upside the head.

I have never heard a bereaved family member say her "heart still hurts," years later; she misses her beloved father, grandmother, step-mother... and then turn around and say the disease that killed them was "a gift".  And then say, "I do not apologize for brin[g]ing up the subject."

Hon, if you think cancer can be a gift, you can have mine.  You are welcome to it.  No returns allowed, though.

otter

Sure - a gift that keeps on giving unwanted stress for years. Doesn't sound like cancer has been a gift to you does it?

2nd diagnosis October 2010 - IDC 5.8mm node negative - missed on mammogram in October 2009
Diagnosis: 10/13/2009, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+

While I certainly don't agree with cancer being a gift in any way, shape, or form, I do see a glimmer of something I can relate to in the original post. About a month after I was diagnosed with BC, my father, who lived across the country, was diagnosed with Glioblastoma, a very deadly type of brain tumor. Since I am unable to do my very physical job during treatment, I have moved to my parents' house and gotten treatment here, and spent more time with my dad in the past few months than I had in the past 20 years. That has been a precious gift and a blessing. Were it not for my cancer, I would never have been able to spend this time with my father, and help my mother care for him. I don't believe in God, so I will change the phrase to "the world works in mysterious ways". 

Other than that rather unique personal experience, I totally agree with the other responses on this thread! 

I just don't understand.  If you know you pissed people off and offended them, WHY come back and do it again?  And you do not apologize for bringing it up?  Then you offer this tidbit:  it is to help us with our loved ones cause YOU were in denial about YOUR relatives cancer diagnosis?

Sorry that just doesn't fly sister.  I was living a decent life and didn't need this crappy "gift" to realize it or make me improve myself.  And if it takes a cancer diagnosis for people to realize what they're missing out on with the patient, then they are the ones that have an issue, NOT the patient.

It is not my duty to make other people feel comfortable with cancer.  I have enough to do without making you or anyone else feel better about themselves.  Cancer scares the crap out of people, I get that.  They're all scared they could be next!  But until you have to wear those shoes, go ahead- keep believing and not be sorry for saying "cancer is a gift." 

You'll change your mind if you ever have a doctor say to you, "you have cancer."

To deal with your emotional courage and regret issues, maybe contacting a couselor would be better than continuing to piss off some cancer patients.

Nice attempt at turning the tables around.  You are the one who came back here to 'not apologize' after upsetting several people the first time.  You had to know how your comments would be received ... me thinks you are playing a sick game. 

If not ... then you need to see a counselor to work on whatever is going on with you.  Just take our word for it ... cancer is not a gift to those who actually have it. 

Beth

I hope you can find the peace you obviously crave. But it is not our problem if our family members do not see the value in spending time with us after we have been diagnosed with cancer. It is theirs. Just like it is not the problem of the family members you have lost that you did not spend time with them. It is your problem.

We are not the people you should be telling. Perhaps a support group for those whose family members have been taken by this disease wold be a more appropriate place for what you have to say.

We get that every minute is precious...because we have cancer.

I think "Cancer can be a gift" is an inappropriate title. However, I think she was  hoping to have a discussion with the family members of BC patients, not BC patients. This forum is for caregivers, family members, friends and supporters.

ETA : I have no idea why the same message was posted three times. That's what I deleted.

I think "Cancer can be a gift" is an inappropriate title. However, I think she was  hoping to have a discussion with the family members of BC patients, not BC patients. This forum is for caregivers, family members, friends and supporters.

To steal some quotes from Shelley Lewis (author of Five Lessons I Didn't Learn from Breast Cancer):

"if you think cancer is a gift, you must really have a closet full of shitty stuff."

"If you truly believe cancer is a gift, you can't come to my next birthday party."

what a pompous, passive aggressive post! you will not apologize for expressing your feelings? about cancer being a gift? on a board for women LIVING WITH or IN REMISSION FROM cancer? grow up.

my mother died of breast cancer, and it was awful - but even THAT was not as bad as suffering anxiety and depression about leaving my own two kids.

where's that bonfire when we need it?

Miles2Go, it turns out that we've agreed twice in the past half-day.  (I just finished posting on another thread where the discussion concerned "denial".)  Who knew??? 

otter