3 Years finished but still not "over it"

Hey Julie,

I started a new book last night "Living Well *Beyond* Breast Cancer" (I think it was written by the founder of BC.org!). In the first chapter she mentions everything you are going through--survivor fatigue, anxiety, worries, a changed life, and how to move on. She talks about having to deal with the "new normal" which is our lives after cancer. I really like what she said in the introduction, and I am going to quote it here: "Remember, the purpose of all that treatment, all your work, was to give you back your life: joy, fun, comfort, meaning, pleasure, security." The rest of the book addresses how to achieve that. I think you should get this book! It is available online at amazon. Like Deanna said, we may never be the same person we were before bc, and living well beyond breast cancer is the new normal for us. The hard  part is figuring out what *living well* means to each of us, and actually achieving it.

VickyB 

I feel your pain. I am on Celexa which helps. Trying to wean myself off of Clonapin, I had really bad panic attacks during this whole thing. I now have a therapist and am working on just getting back to half way to what I was before the diagnosis. My energy levels were low, but depression can paly a major roll with that. Exercising does help, memory loss stinks. Sometimes I will start to say something and can't remember what I was going to stay. I do crossword puzzles and read alot to try and get the brain moving. I wish you well and keep coming here, it helps.

Wonderful photo, Julie!  Please tell us more about the evening!  I'm so glad it worked out for you and that you were able to conquer your hesitation!  Good for you!!!!!!!!!!    Deanna

mamalou, I wanted to go back and address your post.  Thinking about bc all the time is very normal at a certain point in our journey, and that's one reason it's so difficult to get back into socializing, because bc totally consumes our world while we're in tx, and normal activities that others enjoy chatting about just seem so unimportant, because we've been dealing with such bigger, life-changing challenges.  But it really does get better.

You mentioned that you're still working on recon.  I found that each time I did a followup recon surgery (first Diep Stage II, then nipple recon), I felt like I took a huge step towards being me again.  It wasn't something I expected to happen, but each time I felt more of the weight of what I'd been through lifting off me, and a huge step closer to normal.  And I'm sure you will, too.

One thing that noticeably helped me at the "post-tx but still dealing with social anxiety" stage was getting away and out of my normal routine (and, yes, even away from BCO) for a long weekend. Somehow, changing the scene and being around new people who didn't know about my bc just seemed to miraculously move me a huge step forward in the process.

But you really need to get your tx behind you before a lot of this makes sense.  Reclaiming a non-bc life is a process, and it takes time.  But I think you have to be on the other side of tx first for a lot of the emotional weight to lift to find the energy to refocus.  So don't be too hard on yourself.  The fact that you're aware of and probably don't really want to be a social hermit makes me think you'll figure it out when you're ready.    (((Hugs)))   Deanna

Hi Julie,  First of all, sometimes things ARE as bad as they seem; this is one of them.  Secondly, Everything is Temporary.  Thirdly, Control is an Illusion.

Pickle141's comments are right on the mark.

Patience, patience, and more patience.  Kindly understand your "normal" has changed...consider reading the book THE BRAIN THAT CHANGES ITSELF about how it takes times for our brains to catch up with reality, adapt, and accept (a process). 

 Only those who have walked a mile in your/our moccassins have a clue.  Those of us who have, or who are walking with you "get it."

 I was diagnosed with DCIS 15 years ago.  Depression followed.  Got help, got better.  I believe you can and will get better.  I am psychologically managing recent diagnosis/surgery better (older, more educated about life, and wiser).  

Tuck the love of everyone who loves you under your pillow at night, remembering your greatest gift is your presence in their lives.  People love you because you are breathing, not because you are the epitomy of perfection.  There are miles to go!   Colorado Morning Glory

Hi Julie,

I just wanted to write and say I had the most amazing experience today talking to a woman whose brother had colon cancer. We chatted for a while and she totally got it when I told her I am struggling with bc. It helped so much just to connect with another whose life has been impacted by cancer. Stay on the boards here, it does really help. Also, I would seriously like to know where you got that fuzzy teal sweater dress as it rocks! (if you are in fashion you might consider creating *fashionable* and *stylish* garments for post-operative bc survivors. The stuff I have looked at is crap!)