Still Hope for My Mom? Stage IV Breast Cancer

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ldlevy
ldlevy Member Posts: 27
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mom has been incredibly brave since her first diagnosis (ER/PR +; HER 2 negative) in 2007. She's undergone 8 rounds of chemotherapy and hormone treatments and 3 rounds of radiation. The treatments included.... Femara... Faslodex and Zometa... Xeloda and Zometa.... Abraxane/Avastin... Gemzar... Ixempra.

Until recently, she's been able to lead a "normal life' and has responded well. But in the last few weeks the cancer somewhat suddenly became aggressive and we just received a very concerning pet scan that showed progression and more mets on her liver and throughout her bones. Her cancer is now affecting her liver function. Next week she'll begin a new regime of Eribulin to hopefully stop the progression for awhile. The oncologist told me yesterday that he doesn't expect great results from the Eribulin since previous hormone treatments haven't worked well. And if it doesn't work... there aren't many other options expect some new drugs that the FDA hasn't approved yet.

She is weak, sleeps a lot and is in pain. She has also lost a ton of weight due to decreased appetite. My husband and I are going to move her from California into our home in Colorado so that we may take care of her on a daily basis. She's been fiercely independent so it was a victory to get her to agree to this. I'm scared on so many levels.... will the move be too much for her? Will we be able to create a warm (safe) and happy home for her? What do I tell my 6 year old son... who doesn't know she is sick? And... what will the world be like without my mom in it. She has been the best mom against all odds. I'm an only child and we only have each other.  Bottom line... I'm overwhelmed and scared. Is there still hope for her? What else can we be doing for her?

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  • babycakes82
    babycakes82 Member Posts: 32
    edited October 2011
    Blessings to you for even wanting to do that!Innocent I moved my Grandma in with me when my kids were in grade school.  It was one of the best experiences that they had.  Now they are 29 and 26 and still talk about it.  My grandma was recovering from surgery and breast cancer and I just couldn't let her live in a nursing home.  I knew I could do a much better job taking care of her. It is amazing what love of family can do for someone!!   What broke my heart was her own children did not want to do it!  I had always been very close to her since I was a little baby.   My heart wanted to love her and help the transition into the inevitable.  I found that her being around the kids gave her more of a reason to keep going.  My favorite time was every day they were getting home from school, they would all eat snack and watch cartoons together! (she would even eat the snacks my kids ate)   We had added on a sitting room for her down stairs so she didn't have to be with us all the time.  She cherished those times too.  In the times she was feeling good, I would have her do things to help me around the house like do the breakfast dishes, even though we had a dishwasher. It made her feel needed. I'm not saying your mom will be able to do that,, but what they desire is normalcy, independence. It sure will be easier on your son if you are at your home trying to keep on his schedule. I know this is scary and you I don't know what is going to happen, but there are many things the docs can do for pain and trying to fight mets too. My grandma lived with me for 3 years and It was very hard emotionally and physically at times. I had a husband who helped as much as he could and kids who loved their granny.  Please feel free to PM me, I can tell you so much. I would love to talk with you and will be glad for you to call me! We are here to help each other and I know from others that there is always someone who has been in your shoes. Please PM me so we can talk! Prayers, and hugs to you and your family! AllisonLaughing
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  • ldlevy
    ldlevy Member Posts: 27
    edited October 2011

    Thank you so much for your kind reply. I can't imagine NOT wanting her to live with us. She raised me as a single mom most of my life - and made an incredible life for me. Aside from the fact that we want her to be with us (she's like my best friend) I owe her... it's my turn to take care of her.

    You have hit on so many things that I can relate too... she comments about wanting to have "a purpose" and wants to spend time with our son, Wyatt. I am just worried that she is in such a frail state right now that she may not be able to even make the move... she is that fragile. But that said... I am not giving up on her as she is most definitely a fighter.

    I will take you up on your offer to chat offline - this is my first time on this forum. How do we send PM's to each other?

    Hugs back to you....

    Laura

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2011

    Laura, I'm so sorry about your Mom's situation and recent progression.  Hopefully, the new chemo regimen will give her a much needed boost. Have you been able to line up a new oncologist for her in Colorado? 

    Sometimes weekend evenings are a bit slow on the boards, but you might also want to repost your question in the Stage IV forum.  (Click on Forum Index above to find it.)  Some of the ladies there may be familiar with Eribulin, and might be able to give you some firsthand insight, as well as have suggestions for additional chemo options, including trials.

    You and your Mom will be in my prayers...     Deanna 

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  • ldlevy
    ldlevy Member Posts: 27
    edited October 2011

    Thank you Deanna. I'm new to this forum so I appreciate the tip. I did just repost under stage 4 category.

    I am looking into the new oncologist in Colorado and have two names - in the same practice. Any recommendations for researching which would be the best fit? I was just going to schedule interviews next week but wasn't sure what else I could do.

    Your prayers are appreciated. Laura

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  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited October 2011

    Laura - you are one of God's guardian angels. Your mother is blessed to have you as I'm sure you and your son are to have her also.

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2011

    Laura, because of family in the medical field and my personal experience (see my bio), I firmly believe that the way to go is an NCI-designated cancer center.  Here's a map showing where they're located:   http://cancercenters.cancer.gov/cancer_centers/map-cancer-centers.html   Looks like that's CU in Aurora, but I'd  call them and see if they have an office in Boulder, as well, or if they could recommend someone there if your Mom's too weak to travel.

    The reason I am so keen on NCI-designated cancer centers is that they not only see the most bc, but they are on the cutting edge of research because they are the ones actually doing the research.  In my case, I was offered a brand new chemo regimen, months before it became more widely used.  In your Mom's situation, they will have the most trial options, if that's something that interests her.   And you can often get their recommendation and still work with a more local oncologist to be sure he/she is on the best tx path for your Mom.   Deanna 

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  • ldlevy
    ldlevy Member Posts: 27
    edited October 2011

    I just posted a new thread.... very concerned about my mom's behavior. All has been going really well with getting her moved. She will arrive in Colorado from California next Saturday but now her behavior is becoming strange. This is what I posted in another thread:

    My mom is in her 4th year of Stage 4 breast cancer. She has mets on her liver and bones and is trying a cycle of Eribulin. She's had two treatments of it. In the last week or so her behavior has become strange. She is unable to write her name or really anything, has a very short attention span and also has a lot of short term memory loss. She won't remember what she said a few minutes earlier or what she was in the middle of doing. She doesn't remember my age or phone number. This has happened suddenly with a few things here and there to downright strange somewhat paranoid behavior yesterday. I'm so worried. Of course I have a call into her Oncologist but wonder if anyone else has experienced this kind of behavior. I don't know if it's the disease or the treatment... or maybe she's just worn out from all she's been through.The worst part is the "thinks" she's totally fine and is being stubborn about accepting help. She also seems a bit paranoid. She's moving in with my family next Saturday and I'm hoping she'll feel more comfortable about allowing help.  She is also very weak from not eating as she's had terrible nausea. Perhaps that is contributing? If anyone has any experience with this I'd love some feedback... including feedback on what I can do to make her more comfortable.Thank you,

    Laura  

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  • 37antiques
    37antiques Member Posts: 643
    edited October 2011

    Hi Laura,

    I think you're doing a wonderful thing for your Mom to bring out to be with you.  Regarding her bahavior, being forgetful can just be the stress of it all plus SE's from treatment.  The liver is an odd thing, strange as it sounds, it can cause odd behavior, being unreasonable and such, so it does make sense if she has some recent progression. 

    The will to live is the great thing, I think any Mom who is going it alone would easily find purpose with a move to a new place, being surrounded by the love of family and new faces, places and thinks.  And feeling needed, that's a big one.  I always ask my mom something trivial, it seems to keep her going - and she's not sick!  No one wants to lose their independence, but no one wants to go it alone either.  Keep us posted!

    ((Hugs))

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  • ldlevy
    ldlevy Member Posts: 27
    edited November 2011

    The worst news.... my mom's liver is failing and it can no longer process her meds. The toxins in her system are part of why she is behaving this way. But the real issue is she now has brain mets. She is now in the hospital and doesn't have much longer to live - a few weeks at most. We're devastated and will be by her side to hopefully make her more comfortable. I just can't stop crying.... I miss my mom.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited November 2011

    ldlevy, I am so sorry to hear that your mother is doing so poorly. The pain for you must be so enormous.

    All you can do now is love her, and I can see you do that very well.

    Leah

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