Partners whose partners have breast cancer

I appreciate everyone's feedback/responses and kind words.  A bit of an update... things have been pretty rough.  I haven't had much luck finding a support group in my area; partially because I haven't had much time to look into it and because I suppose I don't feel comfortable asking about it in person at her breast care center when I'm there with her, eventhough she knows i've been looking into it.  She was in the hospital twice for almost a week at a time kinda recently; she had an infection in her breasts from the implant/chemo (around the time of my first post) and more recently had an infection in her port.  The infections were treated and taken care of though we spent thanksgiving in the hospital.  I spent almost every night with her in the hospital cuz she wanted me to and I wanted to be there but i was a punching bag the whole time.  I clearly know/realize/recognize that what she's going through is very difficult and weighs heavy; my younger brother had lymphoma I was with him during his treatment and I am diabetic and have asthma, so I know what it's like to be poked prodded human pin cushion heavy meds, etc...Whenever doctors/nurses or friends/family come by she's so positive and pleasant and appreciative of everyone's company, but as soon as that door closes my head gets bitten off and she hides it well from others.  Nothing I ever do is good enough, sometimes I try to just walk away so she can cool off and I can be out of the line of fire, but she turns it into me not taking care of her. Totally willing and able to get her food or anything at all that would make time spent in a hospital more tolerable and pleasant, but she has yelled and kicked me out and then gets mad that I left.  I'm trying to hang on and be strong because I feel that perhaps things would be different/better if it weren't for cancer, but... I'm just torn, confused, and hurt by how she treats/communicates with me.  I'm starting to have an anxiety that some way some how I'm gonna end up looking like the bad guy all the time always and it's unjustified but because she is going through chemo she is justified in any all her actions/words no matter what... if that makes sense.  She has broken down and apologized greatly cuz she felt/feels horrible for how she treats me, but it eventually goes back to me not being appreciated/taken advantage of/insulted.  I dunno, it's just been real rough lately, we literally just got out of the hospital a few days ago.  It's  a little calmer now but i've had little panic attacks while at work or before I try to sleep.  I've been in therapy a while, but it doesn't really help with this situation.  I often think about if I had cancer the last thing I'd do or want would be to hurt the people I care about and who are helping and caring about me during this tough time, I'd be sooooo grateful if I had the care and concern that my girlfriend is getting from others... I dunno... I'm a graphic designer/musician/nerd and I just acquired some creative projects to build that can keep me busy for a while and be rewarding/satisfying to complete.  i think it'd be therapeutic for me... i just hope I get time to do those things to put my mind on a different track for a bit to relax.

a bit of an update... things have been pretty horrible lately.  extremely irrational, calls me "stupid" and "idiot" often, disagrees and shoots down anything I say or do.  she only wants me to spend money on her and I/we're saving to move out.  I'm miserable, she's miserable.  she overreacts, I can't think of anything good right now.  she doesn't approve of my creative pursuits which make me most happy.  makes me feel worthless because I don't make more money (fulltime graphic designer).  she throws me under the bus in front of her father and drug addict brother over trivial drama.  everything is taken out on me.  she says alot of things she doesn't mean and I can't tell what's truth or not any more.  Unfortunately I've lived with my mother my whole life and economic hardship and debt has prevented me from making the move sooner, I've been the man of the house my whole life and my mother treats me like garbage; I need to get out asap.  I'm in the process of leaving my mother who treats me like garbage to go live with my girlfriend who treats me like garbage.  We have found a place to live together and I am supposed to deliver the check for security and 1st month rent tomorrow.  I'm looking back on the relationship and am realizing that this behavior was occuring even before cancer; threatened to break up with me if I didn't support her more financially, threatened to cheat on me, starting fights preventing me from being with friends and at family gatherings, etc... i'm just deeply hurt as I've done so much for her and have been there for her 24/7 for anything anywhere anytime, but it's not good enough.  I just don't know what to do... I need to get out of my mother's house, but i'm seriously considering ending the relationship/moving out with my girlfriend.  I can probably move out myself in a couple months otherwise... but I also feel absolutely horrible if I were to be the guy who broke up with his girlfriend while she was going through chemo.  i just feel horrible...