dumped by txt day 1 radiiotherapy

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evo
evo Member Posts: 5
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi all

thank you for reading this. I am so low right now . After being single for a long time I met a lovely man in May this year , got my diagnosis in July, Lumpectomy in aug , didnt need chemo  thankfully :-) Started first of 20 radiotherapy sessions three days ago. Was bit ratty before hand , the waiting game yuck. I was so happy that the treament was finally underway then I got dumped by txt on day one. I am so low , I have one daughter in college (I',m a single mom) I live alone and I am finding it very hard right now any gems of wisdom for me ?

thanks xx 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited October 2011

    Hi Evo and welcome to BCO, sorry you need to be here but glad you found us.  It is unfortunate but over my time of being on these boards I have seen this happen many times.  It is no comfort to you I guess but it does tell you that you are not alone.  This truly is a disease that takes an enormous amount from us but it also allows us to know who really love us because they are the ones who stick by us regardless.I can offer no excuse for his leaving as I think the way he broke the relationship was cowardly and I'm sure you deserve more than that in your life.

    Please remember that here you will recieve all the love and support that you desire as well as many hands offered in friendship.  Please come often and just let us know how you are feeling be it good or bad.  Here is a great place to let go of all the things that bother you.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • evo
    evo Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2011

    thank you so much for your reply :-) I know that I can get back up again its nice to get a little helping hand .

    love and hugs back at ya x 

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited October 2011

    Evo, there are many helping hands here and you are welcome to use them when ever.  Any broken relationship is hard to get through but when you are dealing with BC and all the emotional upheaval that that causes, the added burden of emotions just makes it so much harder.

    Where are you from?  I'm in Australia, about two hours drive north west of Adelaide.  You said in your post that you had treatment in Perth would that be WA by chance?  I'm around for a while yet before bed time so if you want to chat, feel free.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • Racy
    Racy Member Posts: 2,651
    edited October 2011

    evo, I'm sorry this happened to you and understand you will be feeling a range of emotions at the moment. Good single men are hard to find but the unfortunate truth may be that this one is not the one for you.



    Very soon you will be finished treatment and hopefully your life can get back to near normal. Focus on achieving that and draw on the love of the people in your life and do things you enjoy until a new relationship comes along. You deserve to be happy.



    And keep in touch with the ladies here, as Chrissy says.

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  • evo
    evo Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2011

    Hi chrissyb ,

    I'm from Ireland , Dublin where it rains all the time :-) . I have had the best of treatment and up untill now I have been coping really well (I think) ! You know I was single for 18 years , thats a long time and when my daughter left home I thought , its time for me now I'm free to get out there and met someone. So I did . And I was soooo happy then I got the BC bombshell , he was so supportive I jsut couldn't believe that such a thing could happen that I had been sent a friend when I needed it most ...........I'm so upset...........anyway I guess its better he did it now then later on in my treatment when I could be feeling tired and vulnerable. I know I just have to get on with it all and be strong , that in reality getting better is more important than anything else. I'm just so hurt at the cowardly way it was done and I'm probably suffering from the Tamoxifen effect .I couldn't manage to go to work today which is why I'm sitting here crying like a fool. Thanks for listening to me moaning . I've surrived worse than this and I know I'll get back and the sun will shine in my heart again.......just no right now though xx

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited October 2011

    Evo, listening to others is what I'm good at...lol.  I can sure understand your feelings as my daughter is a single mum with two teenage boys and I know what she does without in her life so she can do the best for them.  I would love her to find the right man as a partner but I know she won't look until the boys are independent.  I can imagine your happiness to have found someone and just as easily I can understand your devastation at having him end the relationship.  My belief about men who are so cowardly that they will not face a person to break a relationship is that they really are not men at all........they may have all the appendage but there seems to be a backbone missing.

    Single men of a certain age are hard to find but they are out there so don't give up.  Tears are allowed by the way if fact they are a must if you are going to be able to put this behind you and move on.  If you don't grieve the loss, it will never leave you.

    Tamoxifen has a habit of inducing a bit of depression so be aware and if it gets to the point where you know you can't get yourself out of it please don't be afraid to ask your doc for a little help.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • dragonfly55
    dragonfly55 Member Posts: 235
    edited October 2011

    Cry your heart out Evo. The only fool is him. Tears falling like are good for the soul.

    I am sending you a big hug from Canada. There are so many of us here who care.



    Take care of you. Wishing you well through your treatments.

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  • evo
    evo Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2011

    thank you so much chrissyb and dragonfly55 I was feeling so alone , that you would bother reaching out to me from accross the world is quite astonishing really !!! Its hard to be really honest to people you feel you have to strong for them all the time so its good to be able to say it how I feel it here and not be judged .

    Thing is,  he is a good man he's divorced and has two kids one of whom is autistic and he is a devoted father , he has his kids five days a week and we saw each other at weekends , I jsut think the reality of what he was letting himself in for struck him and he jsut couldn't do it. I feel no malice or anger towards him I just sad ...

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  • evo
    evo Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2011

    thanks again for your kind words I'm off for todays treatment now ..........almost at the end of week one. I take your point about Tamoxifen and depression and will most certainly speak to my oncologist when I see her in early december if I don't feel better.

    I will get to see  my beautyfull girl later as we are voting today for a new president .......... a bigger bunch of muppets you've never seen in your life -:) 

     lots of love xx

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited October 2011

    Evo it seems to be a womans' lot to protect everyone around them and not allowing the truth in full be told lest they be upset but in doing this we make our own lives far more difficult than they need to be.    Although he seems to you to be a good guy, caring for his children as he should, it is still no excuse for acting the way he did.  It would have been far more honest of him if he had met you face to face and explained rather than text.Even though you could go on without a recurrence ever there is always a chance that it may happen and I guess he just couldn't or wouldn't face that possibility.

    You don't say what stage, grade, ER/PR +- etc you are but I'm guessing early as no chemo was recommended for you and at least ER or PR+ as you are on Tamoxifen. 

    The remarkable thing about BCO is that the women here are all connected in a sisterhood and we really do understand what each of us feel and the emotions that are expended while on this journey and it is for that reason that no one judges another.  Sometimes you just need to let out the feelings you are bottling up in order to see things clearly for yourself.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • twoputter
    twoputter Member Posts: 115
    edited November 2011

    I understand that you are sad.  My boyfriend dumped me half way through radiation.  I found out he was on an online dating site.  When confronted he said, "it is time to move on."  So hard.  Thought he was a great guy, and like you I still can't say he isn't.  Wish I could.

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  • kate2011
    kate2011 Member Posts: 121
    edited November 2011

    Hi Evo.  Sorry about your situation.  Try not to give him any more of your tears.  I'm going through something similar.  Great guy, all of the sudden he has just disappeared from my life.

    My brother gave me some good advice.  I'm still depressed, but it made me laugh.

    "Do you think it will be hard to find another 50 year old, divorced 3 times, father of three that can't make a commitment who wants to date a fun, beautiful, smart, thoughtful younger gal?"

    Oh, also, I'm not a big Beyonce fan, but listen to "Best Thing I Never Had".

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  • lilylady
    lilylady Member Posts: 1,079
    edited November 2011

    Dear Evo,

       I hope you come to the realization you are better off without him.  When you get finished with your treatment you get back out there and find someone who will be everything you ever dreamed of. ChissyB had way more wisdom to offer I just wanted to say I am sorry you had to have this happen/

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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 3,300
    edited November 2011
    Evo, I am glad you posted here - you will find so many of us who can understand and who know how hard it is to have this happen during BC.  I mean, it's hard enough when you don't have BC!   I know you don't believe this now, but you will look back on this and realize you dodged a bullet and that he is not the kind of man to be there for you - and if BC teaches us anything, it's that we want and deserve people who are going to stick by us, whether they be boyfriends, husbands, friends or relatives....
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