Will you be sad hearing this?

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shila
shila Member Posts: 7
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

Hi Everybody

I went to see my doctor for some back pains and asked if I could have physiotherapy. He said something like I should do whatever I feel like and if the bc decided to come back, nothing would stop it. It brought me right back to the time when I was sick last year. I couldn't hold my tears on my way home.

I thought I was on my way back to normal life: I finished all the treatments the end of last year and went back to work 2 months ago. I feel fine other than being tired easily. Most of time I don't consider myself sick except moments like this.

Do you have such moments when something reminds you that you had bc and you suddenly drop to the bottom? How do you cope with it? I found it doesn't work for me just "don't think about it" like some suggested.

Thank you

ps I don't know how to add my diagnosis at the bottom.

Shila

  

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  • BlueCowgirl
    BlueCowgirl Member Posts: 667
    edited October 2011

    Hi Shila, I know exactly how you feel, and I'd be willing to bet most of the other folks on the board do too. I am usually the same upbeat, positive, happy person I was prior to my diagnosis, but sometimes it just hits me like a brick wall that life will never be quite the same for me again.Quite frankly, though I'd never before been depressed in my life, Celexa and Klonopin have helped greatly to even out my day-to-day attitude, as has Xanax for those moments of panic. (((Hugs))) to you, and let's all keep praying for a cure! It could happen in our lifetimes...

    As for your signature, click on the "My Home" link at the top of the page and you should be able to edit preferences from there. 

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  • shila
    shila Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2011

    Thank you, BlueCowgirl. I feel better already. I am sure I will be fine tomorrow. I have been through so much like everybody here has I almost believe that every episode will pass eventually. I have read a lot about mind and body, about mindfulness, I became more positive and calm than I was before diagnosis. But when it comes to a time like this I still can't help being sad. We are so fortunate to have this board to vent, to conform each other. It takes somebody who is in the same situation to understand and relate to us.

    Thank you again. Good luck to you.

    I am praying.

    Shila

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  • dragonfly55
    dragonfly55 Member Posts: 235
    edited October 2011

    HI Shila,

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better.  

    I am just starting this journey, but I can relate to what you are saying.   I am bipolar, for which I take medication, and life is good.  But every once in a while I realize I can relapse and that scares and saddens me.  It is not the same as the fear and sadness I feel with breast cancer.... life is good then, boom, it's in your face.

    Shila, I think feeling sad is normal (except for if in stays or becomes depression; as BlueCowgirl says medication is available).  You have been through so much and this has changed the rest of your life. Let your tears fall like rain;  go for a walk (dress for the weather) and breathe in the fresh air, make a cup of hot green tea when you get home;  write in a journal; do something to distract you; call a friend. Let your emotions come and go. 

    Wishing you well.  Take of you.  (((HUG)))

    Sandi 

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  • shila
    shila Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2011

    Thank you, Sandi for your support. I am better today. I read somewhere that it is healthy to let your emotion come out. After crying I felt relaxed. After reading, writing and other daily routines, I don't think it any more.

    Gook luck to your treatment. Just remember it will complete before you notice. 

    Thank you all for your care.

    Shila

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  • StillKicking
    StillKicking Member Posts: 115
    edited October 2011

    Double mast. with no reconstruction.  So, the issue of breast cancer is usually right in my face on a daily basis.  Add in hand and feet neuropathy, hot flashes, lymphadema and Arimidex side affects, it's a little hard to move on even after 4 years.  Hoping when I finish the next 14 months of Arimidex some of these issues will go away.

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  • Mazy1959
    Mazy1959 Member Posts: 1,431
    edited October 2011

    Shila...I think your oncologist needs to rethink what he told you. I get so angry when I hear things like this. If you are having pain that lasts for 2 or more weeks or is severe it needs to be checked with an MRI, PET ,CT xray etc. something. I see that you are triple negative. Maybe there isnt anything to stop it from coming back but it for darn sure  can be treated if it does. Sorry for the rant ...and I hope you get to feeling better.  Hugs, MAzy

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  • pickle
    pickle Member Posts: 1,409
    edited October 2011

    Shila, i can totally relate to what you are saying. I finished tx 2 years ago and I still have emotions and fear that flood back at times. It sounds like your doc was a bit dismissive which is not what you need. A little reassurance and investigation would go a long way in helping you feel better. Sometimes I think some docs are so insensitive. I know when I am feeling apprehensive, my husband's hugs and reasurrance go a long way. Why the heck don't docs get that?

    The emotions that flood back are perfectly normal...people telling you to "not think about it" is normal...for them! It's normal but not helpful because once again it is dimissive. You will have your good days and bad days and unfortunately when u have bad days, "non-cancer people don't get it. Come here and rant/release. We are all in this rocky boat together and we "get it"

    Hugs

    Beth

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  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 2,095
    edited October 2011

    I understand exactly how people feel.  I call it the "oh, f***!" moments.  Sometimes they come to me as I am drifting off to sleep, sometimes it is a dream that takes me back to treatment.  Sometimes, it's when I realize that I no longer belong to the same peer group who still have their periods and are having children.

    It is heartbreaking, the whole thing.  And I think they only thing you can do for yourself is to be open and honest about how it makes you feel.  I am not sure I agree with your PT's opinion on cancer, btw.  I wouldn't think it a bit out of line to tell that person his/her comments hurt and stressed you.

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  • shila
    shila Member Posts: 7
    edited October 2011

    Thank you, everybody. Your understanding meant a lot to me. Here I don't feel different like I did from people around me or feel sorry for myself. Let us support each other and live our lives everyday to the fullest.

    Bless you all.

    Shila

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  • Reality
    Reality Member Posts: 782
    edited October 2011

    Pickel - I just wrote about the constant reminders of our cancers in another thread - In summary of what I wrote, a psychologist actually told me she was glad my surgery date was set as I could "get the cancer out and put it behind me". WTH??? I understand living life and moving ahead, but leaving it all behind? I was, fortunately, speechless at the time (my second and last visit to her). Now I would most likely ask her how I was supposed to just leave it all behind when I have so many physical and emotional scars?  I would also ask her why the tumor board of my hospital "invited" me to join a research study of 12 patients who had "incomplete response" to preadjuvant chemo.if I could just put it all behnind me....

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  • sushanna1
    sushanna1 Member Posts: 764
    edited October 2011

    It's been ten years for me and I still have my moments.  Bottom line is that some of us will never be able to completely "put it all behind us" but as time goes by, it gets easier.  Except when it's time for your mammogram, the anniversary date approaches, a colleague is diagnosed, you develop lymphedema, your mother (sister, cousin) takes hormones and refuses to go for a mammogram, etc.  It does change us.  I am more empathetic in many ways and less patient in others.  I know that I don't have all the time in the world.  Enough rambling.  Hang in there and come here when you feel blue

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  • LtotheK
    LtotheK Member Posts: 2,095
    edited October 2011

    With the new studies indicating breast cancer can come back at any time (the idea doctors have been telling us that there is a heightened risk in the first 2-3 years followed by a decrease in risk appears to be incorrect) makes it quite literally impossible to ever put behind us entirely.

    "More good days" is my mantra.

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  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited October 2011

    I read on another thread that when ever you hear the word cancer and your name in the same sentence your life is changed FOREVER!!!!!.Sure we have good days and there will be times when we try to forget it ever happened but we will never ever forget.bc suks.Find a damn cure/vacine.NOW!!!!!!!! I am sad and mad at the same time.

    stay strong sistas...we will beat this giant monster...oh yes we will!!!!huggggggggs K

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