Is this normal?

Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited June 2014 in ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)

Dear all, I'm having some morbid thoughts lately. I don't think they are good for me, but I can't help it: ignoring them seems to make it worse. Stuffing them down makes them stronger.

I wonder about awful things like if I die, will my husband remarry? Will he sell the house and move back east (he's not originally from the west)? Will he stay in contact with my daughter (his stepdaughter)? Will my family keep him as part of the family?  Who will remember me after time has passed?  

You know. I'm terrified and am so afraid sometimes that this is just a downhill slide. I don't always feel this way, but right now--it's there and very real.

Claire (ILC, stage II, grade 1, 2 c. tumor excised with narrow but clear margins).

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  • kira1234
    kira1234 Member Posts: 3,091
    edited October 2011

    Claire, For me at least what you are feeling is a stage I went through as well. Finding out we have cancer brings the fact we are human and will die at some time to the for front. I will tell you things really do get better. I'm a year and a bit out now. I find there are times I still worry about leaving my husband, but it's occasionally now rather than constantly.

    For me talking my fears out with my husband was very helpful. I found he was as afraid of me leaving him if not more afraid. For us these discussions have really made our marriage better.

    I think it is good you are acknowledging these feelings, and I'm sure you will get some great advice from many others.

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  • momand2kids
    momand2kids Member Posts: 1,508
    edited October 2011

    Claire-

    so very normal.... and I think your question about who will remember is the one I resonate with most... I became very intentional in my conversations with my children (10 and 15) and with my husband-- and my friends--- I tell people what I think or feel right away--I never wait now....

     Before bc, I had a list of colleagues names on my computer, all people I liked and wanted to have lunch with, but never seemed to get to it-- now I do those things...I am right this moment completeing a framed picture project in my house-- the pictures and frames sat on my desk for 2 years... mostly because I have an aversion to hanging things on walls... I am just going for it.

    Your daughter will remember you, your h will remember you-- and more than likely, you won't have to worry about any of this for a really long time--but I do think bc makes you more aware of our limitations as humans and makes us want to figure out ways to be sure that we as well as others around us are remembered ---everyone's life should be honored and remembered.

    this is normal, the pendulum will swing back and forth for a while.  I found journal writing to be so helpful--I was able to put all of these fears right on paper--then used them for a couple of essays that I might publish--- took alot of the fear out of it....

    I think you are smart to feel your feelings--- just let them come-- they will be like waves--- high, low, soft, hard..... just go with it.....you will come out stronger on the other end. 

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