Women with DCIS are not the enemy.

Options
BikerBabe1
BikerBabe1 Member Posts: 74

 

I have been on these boards for almost a year.  I continue to be disappointed reading again and again from some members that the pain and personal struggle for someone diagnosed with DCIS is somehow "less than" those with a different breast cancer diagnosis.  It is either said directly or implied.   I know, and I think most other DCIS members know, that our diagnosis is different, more favorable, our treatment generally shorter and we do not compare ourselves to members with other stages of breast cancer.   But our journey is painful.  I lost a breast, probably have lymphodema and my body is forever changed.  It is not simple simply because it is DCIS.  Please be respectful of our stories or the struggles that we experience or perceive.   

Comments

  • BikerBabe1
    BikerBabe1 Member Posts: 74
    edited October 2011
    I have been on these boards for almost a year.  I continue to be disappointed reading again and again from some members that the pain and personal struggle for some diagnosed with DCIS is somehow "less than" those with a different breast cancer diagnosis.  It is either said directly or implied.  I know, and I think most other DCIS members know, that our diagnosis is different, more favorable, our treatment generally shorter and we do not compare ourselves to members with other stages of breast cancer.  But our journey is painful.  I lost a breast, probably have lymphodema and my body is forever changed.  It is not simple simply because it is DCIS.  Please be respectful of our stories or struggles that we experience or perceive.

    Edited in an attempt to get rid of the error messages

    Edited by Mod to try to help with the funky formatting.

  • 3monstmama
    3monstmama Member Posts: 1,447
    edited October 2011

    <<hugs>>

    I noticed that same thing when I first joined these boards.  Indeed after I finished my treatment, it often felt like I didn't belong here--after all, I had only dealt with DCIS--and I left.  Some times, we cancer victims "eat" our young....

    Whats even odder is when women who have gone through DCIS say similiar things. Over time, I have concluded they do it because they don't want to accept, can't accept, the reality of a new life as a cancer victim.

    Enjoy the fog!

    ps--your post is showing a lot of codes that make it difficult to read.  You might want to try editting them out as what you are saying is really important.

  • SAOIsenberg
    SAOIsenberg Member Posts: 429
    edited October 2011

    I've had both high-grade invasive BC and DCIS and what I always say is they are both awful, but they are different. For the first, my scary-crazy IDC, I had lumpectomies, chemo, rads and five years of Tamoxifen. For my DCIS dx almost 10 years later, nipple-sparing BMX with immediate reconstruction w/saline implants and Alloderm. The treament for Round I was very scary, very debilitating, but I grew my hair back and returned to normal after about a year. The treatment for Round II was very scary - I endured my first major surgery ever, and my body is now forever altered. I will have new issues and SEs to deal with. Yes, my prognosis is great after dx #2, and there was no worry re mets as there was w/no. 1, but I don't love having implants and I'll be forever pissed (on some level) about having had to do this.

    Sarah 

  • CTMOM1234
    CTMOM1234 Member Posts: 633
    edited October 2011

    Not sure why this thread was deleted, but for the original poster and all others dealing with a dcis diagnosis and/or treatment, I must strongly disagree with the premise started here. I have found so so much comfort from these boards -- including the dcis forum, the just diagnosed forum, the radiation forum, and so so many others -- that I continue to actively participate. I consider myself a dcis person+ (for a clarification of the plus, see my signature) and everyone of us bc folks is welcomed here. 

    May we all live long and happy lives.

  • 2timer
    2timer Member Posts: 590
    edited October 2011

    I agree that women with DCIS might be treated a bit differently than those with invasive cancers but I've chosen not to let it bother me.  That is why the DCIS board is here -- so we can offer each other information and support.  Even though we don't have invasive cancer and our prognosis is very  good we've still been treated for breast cancer; we've gone through surgeries, radiation, hormonal treatments -- everything except chemo.  More importantly, we've experienced the emotional pain that comes with being dx with BC.  I know that even after 4.5 years out of treatment, I'm still shaken about having DCIS.  I will never be the same.  For some reason, I just can't relax about it, even though I have enough information to know I have a very good prognosis compared to the others.

    But everything is relative.  We have a cancer that can not kill us (at least not this time around), so we don't have to deal with worrying about it coming back at stage 4.   For me, I think I can take the tradeoff.

  • SAOIsenberg
    SAOIsenberg Member Posts: 429
    edited October 2011

    CTMOM1234 - really? I see this all the time and noted it everywhere (support groups, doctors offices, etc.) after my first dx. There is a pervasive "cancer hirearchy" - and I think a lot of it is perfectly understandable - women who're later-stage have more to contend with and who wouldn't want the stage 0, if you had the chance to choose?

    What I don't understand is the outright hostility I've seen - women getting in each other's real or virtual faces when women dx'd w/DCIS talk about their fear, anger, anxiety, etc. and later-stage women essentially tell them to quit their whining. That's just not compassionate. BC, whatever stage, is a sisterhood of sorts and I prefer the all for one and one for all approach. It just plain sucks to be anywhere on the spectrum, it's just a different set of crappy circumstances one has to deal with.

    My $.02.

    Sarah 

  • Deirdre1
    Deirdre1 Member Posts: 1,461
    edited October 2011

    SAOIsenberg :  I think it was "different" for you because you were able to go the route of lumpectomy 1st out the door, but I ended up with a bi-lateral mastectomy on the recommendation of my doc's...  For true DCIS!  It is most certainly different... but it's like comparing Diabetes with someone who is losing their limbs to Diabetes - of course they wish they were in the early stages of Diabetes and not loosing their limbs but it is still Diabetes!  Cancer is always cancer, of course there are grades and stages but it's certainly relative.. I am almost 5 years out and I totally understand Sjack827's feeling of being forever changed and therefore certainly affected by cancer! 

    But I also don't like the "in your face" negative comments we see here occassionally it's rare and yes that is why there is a DCIS board... My doc suggested I go to a "support group" after the surgeries and I have to say it was anything BUT support because many there were looking at their own mortality - not in the future but NOW... That certainly didn't mean I don't need a support group just that there wasn't anywhere for me in THAT support group... This one however was a lifesaver and I thank you all for that!!!

  • dragonfly55
    dragonfly55 Member Posts: 235
    edited October 2011

    It's interesting, this topic is online.

    I was diagnosed with DCIS, (high nuclear grade, ER-/PR-) on Monday. I told a good friend who had ovarian (stage 3) and brain cancer who's winning the war.

    I told her I had been diagnosed with BC and was interested in her diet... Long and short of conversation ... I said its non-invasive and 100? Curable . Not close to where she is or was.



    Her response: "There are 123 cancers in the human body. None are the same. But we all have had a life-changing experience, that we wouldn't have had If we didn't have cancer. We are all bonded by this. We also have difficult decisions or choices to make. We have to make many changes to our lifestyles and keep a good attitude toward life.". She also said that once you've cancer, you have to keep your eye on the beast and not let it back in.". (That was referring to diet, cosmetics, exercise, etc.)



    I am fortunate that my BC was found early. I do remember all the thoughts going through my head, as I am sure anyone diagnosed with cancer are going through, but especially for women with BC for the end result can be disfigurement of the body at any stage.



    We are all in this together. We are fortunate there are so many groupings for those dealing with the many issues of breast cancer. My heart goes out to the young women and young moms and the many women who are so sick and fighting through treatments and life events



    Today it is DCIS, tomorrow could be IDC.... Or maybe cancer-free.



    As the expression goes, united we stand ..There are no class distinctions in cancer.

  • 3monstmama
    3monstmama Member Posts: 1,447
    edited October 2011

    dragonfly55, you have a very wise and wonderful friend.  Come to think of it, you're pretty darned smart yourself.....thank you!

    I did not mean to say that I do not/have not found support on these boards.  Unlikely I would get to 1000+ posts without support.  But, that does not mean that there are not some circle of people who treat women with DCIS differently.  When I was facing a mastectomy, I did go through someone (a woman who herself had gone through DCIS) tell me "A mastectomy?  No one gets a mastectomy for DCIS!  Its not even real cancer."  wow.  Still pains when I think about it.

    In the aftermath of treatment that sort of attitude can at times make it hard sometimes, in my experience, to wander anywhere besides the DCIS boards.  Sadly this is when many women continue to need support.

  • SAOIsenberg
    SAOIsenberg Member Posts: 429
    edited October 2011

    Deirdre1 - I think you misunderstood - I was replying to CTMOM1234, not sjack827 - you and I are in agreement on all fronts!

    When I spoke with women w/DCIS after my first round w/IDC, some of them would discount it, even though they'd had MX/BMX and I always said, "well, my prognosis might be worse, and yeah, I had to do chemo, but you've had to have body parts removed, and that is a HUGE deal." And now I know for sure that I was right.

    This is just another instance of "why can't we all just get along???"

    Hugs all around. 

    Sarah 

  • cycle-path
    cycle-path Member Posts: 1,502
    edited October 2011

    My opinion is that there are terrific people in the world, and some of them happen to be BC survivors. There are also rude people in the world, and some of them happen to be BC survivors. 

    It may be that some stage III and IV women are dismissive of DCIS women, but rather than classifying the dismissive folks by their disease, I think it's just as logical to assume that they're simply dismissive by nature.  

  • Deirdre1
    Deirdre1 Member Posts: 1,461
    edited October 2011

    Sarah... I'm not hurt or angry - it was just a response..  . I was just say'n... Not a problem - Hugs back!

  • bak94
    bak94 Member Posts: 1,846
    edited October 2011

    I think it is all scary and basically sucks! I hope we can all just get along and support each other. It is my wish that nobody would have to go through any stage. We all have our fears and all have to deal with crap with this disease. Funny thing is I have dcis with my invasive tumor, and I am so uneducated about dcis! There are so many questions I have about it. My doc said my invasive cancer did not come from the dcis, it was separate. ?

  • CTMOM1234
    CTMOM1234 Member Posts: 633
    edited October 2011

    Yup, really Sarah! From all of my doctors' offices (BS, rad onc., onc., even the plastic surgeon I met with when I was considering a mx with diep recon.) to the people I've told to the people on these boards, I have always felt included in the BC community without a hierarchy, without dismissal of my feelings or experiences, etc . Not that I wanted to be a part of this community mind you, I actually kinda' wanted people to tell me that everything would be OK, that I had nothing to worry about. I have not joined a BC support group (other than using these boards), maybe if that was the case I'd be able to agree with you and share your feelings. I consider myself a very accepting person and hope that others can be the same way -- like a mirror, we often reflect back what we project.

  • undercoverebel
    undercoverebel Member Posts: 646
    edited October 2011

    We all have our lives put on hold,suffer thru surgeries and have to make major,life-changing decisions never knowing if it will be the right one. So why are dcis people resented??? I feel on some forums there's a disinterest in dcis. Even amongst some dcis people. Almost as if you're not suffering enough for them to let you in. That's just my experience w/some of these forums but i've met some very nice people as well. Do we really all have to out-do each other w/scars and who suffers the most? Cancer sucks,nobody gets off easy. Not even dcis'ers.

  • DAnne01
    DAnne01 Member Posts: 31
    edited October 2011

    In my opinion, DCIS is not a free pass.  My Medical Onc told me that in some ways, she was more worried about my Grade 2 DCIS than my Grade 1, 9 cm ILC.  There are some people on these boards, just like you meet in everyday life, who feel they are much worse off.  Ignore them; that's my two cents. 

  • coraleliz
    coraleliz Member Posts: 1,523
    edited October 2011

    I do think that there are rude comments posted from time to time. But I also think that the Tamoxifen & other treatments have left me overly sensitive. I've gotten barked at, or so it seems. So hard for me to know how my written words will be precieved by others.  Sometimes when I see rudeness on the boards, I think it's probably related to the authors treatments/medications or frustration/situation. Anyway, I have the BMX battle scars also. My IDC treatment is similar to DCIS, I believe. BMX, RADs, Tamoxifen.

    There was also a stage1, grade 1 thread awhile back where the feeling was, "I didn't do chemo" do I really belong here.

    Nope, not enemies! I'm actually a tad bit jealous that mine wasn't caught at the DCIS stage.

  • mom3band1g
    mom3band1g Member Posts: 817
    edited October 2011

    I don't tell people my exact diagnosis.  My own mother told me I didn't really have cancer.  Very hurtful.  I had a mast and 6 weeks of radiation.....I had something.  I just say I had very early stage bc.  End of story.  I don't need people running home and googling DCIS and givng me their opinion.  I have learned everyone's cancer is just a wee bit different.  I do have trouble saying I had bc but the truth is I did.  You read on here almost every day about a woman who had dcis x-number of years ago and now has IDC.  It happens and to say we have zero change of bc coming back is incorrect.  I am angry I had to have a mast for DCIS but I would forever kick myself if I didn't get rid of it when I had the chance.  Who wouldn't?

  • Kaara
    Kaara Member Posts: 3,647
    edited October 2011

    I would think that anyone who receives a diagnosis of bc should be treated with the utmost respect, and their concerns addressed the same, regardless of their type of cancer.

    In business my job was to deal with people and their concerns.  I learned early on that a person's concern, while it may seem insignificant to me, was of vital importance to them.  How I responded to that concern made a difference in that person's life.  To respond in a negative fashion to someone expressing a genuine concern, is to send them away feeling depressed and less confident about their ability to handle the challenge.

     It is so much easier to give someone a positive word of encouragement, and causes no harm whatsoever. 

  • MariannaLaFrance
    MariannaLaFrance Member Posts: 777
    edited October 2011

    We have all sufffered with a bad diagnosis, be it DCIS or Stage III or beyond. It's nothing to laugh off or be flippant about. Yes, there are degrees of separation, but in truth, we are all scared witless about our futures, even if it's "only" DCIS.  There is the fear of recurrance, or that we didn't remove it all, or that we are more prone to other types of cancer. All the same that a Stage II, III, IV person might have.

    The truth is, that we are wounded. Wounded from the diagnosis, wounded from the procedures, and wounded mentally because we have realized our mortality. It's what we do with that wound that helps determine our future....

    Me? I just feel thankful FOR NOW that I've only had DCIS. I realize that could change at any time, so I have chosen to live my life passionately, with resolution to be the best I can be at all my roles. I am a more engaged mother, a better wife, and a dedicated friend. I'm trying to leave a mark, so that if I do "extinguish" early due to disease, that my children and family remember that I did my very best in this short time on earth..... 

  • dragonfly55
    dragonfly55 Member Posts: 235
    edited October 2011

    There are so many valuable "something to think about" type responses here. As mom3band1g said," ... I have very early stage breast cancer.". Anyone outside the BC circle don't know about the many types, stages, grades, receptors. They know you had/have BC and wish you a good recovery and hope it never comes back.



    How grateful I am that my BC was caught early. How angry I feel when doctors haven't listened to their patients causing later diagnosis. How saddened I am that so many women are diagnosed with invasive cancers.... Mad and sad about the recurrences of BC.



    I only see one enemy here:

    BREAST CANCER

  • dragonfly55
    dragonfly55 Member Posts: 235
    edited October 2011

    Ohhhhh and maybe the mammogram machine LOL (as per "machine you bunged up")

Categories