Am I talking too much about this disease?

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345grace
345grace Member Posts: 17
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Glad to have found this forum-bc.org.-My friends and family mean well, but I think they just want me to get on with my life.  Me too.  Everyday, it seems I have a new (old) issue (se's), today more swelling, main meds not doing their job, etc. etc. Dr. took me off hormonal therapy (femora), and I believe he has forgotten to put me on the next -tamox- and I haven't reminded him.  SE pretty bad, post chemo stuff-neuropathy, etc etc. My life today is really pretty good, I am grateful to be alive today.  It wasn't like that before I was diagnosed. Maybe just scared, angry, all that. I wish I could get on, even on TV- there are cancer stories 2-3 times daily.  This seems to be an epidemic. It is a beautiful day here in Arkansas. Thanks for your 'ear'.

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  • lkc
    lkc Member Posts: 1,203
    edited October 2011

    Hi Grace,  There is no " rushing " getting throught this. Friends and family mean well, but they can't possibly understand. You were only dxed a yr ago, so it is  all still pretty new.

    Your attitude of appreciating every day will help alot. You will  get there. In the early days i came here often for support. Just knowing the fact that we all have the same issues helps alot.

    I promise it does get better!

    Take Care!

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  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited October 2011

    Welcome 345grace!  I'm just over a year out from dx and I'm still dealing with it, you are not alone.  In fact for me, the post-BC has been harder to deal with then the tx.  I'm having a hard time moving on...mentally I'm all jacked-up and physically I'm not what a 35 year old should be, I'm just not myself.  I am thrilled to be alive too so I hate to complain and try not to except on here with ya'll.  I once heard that BC is a process that takes time to process and I agree.  Come here often.  Enjoy your beautiful day...great one here too!

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  • SharonMH
    SharonMH Member Posts: 353
    edited October 2011

    Hi  Grace,  I am two years out from dx. I use to think about it all the time. Thinks are getting better and there are times that I do not think about my cancer.  I know what you mean that family and friends think you should just be over it. I like coming to this site because everyone here does understand. Beautiful day here also in Southern California.  SharonH

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  • solange49
    solange49 Member Posts: 102
    edited October 2011

    Hi Grace I can defiantely relate. I am still in treatment...just finished chemo last month and will have a BMX this coming Monday. I try to limit my "cancer" talk with friends because I wonder and worry that they may get tired of hearing it. Lol . Right now it's my reality. It helps so much to talk to women who understand. And....I'm in Arkansas as well. Yesterday was a beautiful day! Today we have rain. And so it goes. :). Are you doing the Race Saturday?



    Diana

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited October 2011

    i try not to talk about it too much.. my director/music partner totally freaks out... are you tired? do your hands hurt?  yada yada.. i've totally quit confiding in her.. Lately I've been telling my husband more and more of my day to day travails and he actually appreciates it.  I don't like it when people come up to me to talk about 'it'.  I'll rudely get up and leave if it comes to that.

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  • Booboo2
    Booboo2 Member Posts: 59
    edited October 2011

    I'm not in any kind of active treatment now, but I can understand why you have trouble putting it all behind you.  I can't put my experience behind me, because every 6 months the oncologists want to look at me to make sure it isn't coming back.  This makes me nervous and worried that it might come back. I think that after I"m past the 5-year mark they only check once a year, and then maybe I'll be able to relax a bit more. I've been told that I am not high risk for recurrence, but they can never give a guarantee that it won't come back, unfortunately.

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  • dlb823
    dlb823 Member Posts: 9,430
    edited October 2011

    Grace, I definitely think things get better as you get further away from your dx and tx.  However, I also think we all need to do things that help us "detach" (as time moves on -- and it may still be a bit early for you) from our bc identity -- although I doubt if it ever entirely goes away.

    One thing that's helped me a lot is getting out each morning for a long walk. Somehow the combination of enjoying nature, getting exercise (I walk about 4 or 5 miles, weather and time permitting), and just having that hour or so to process my thoughts about what I've been through is extremely anxiety-relieving, as well as helping with the aches & pains of low estrogen.  And exercise has been shown to decrease our recurrence risk by something like 35%.  So, as someone else here told me, when I walk I feel like every step is a step away from breast cancer.

    The other thing I've noticed being a huge help in moving me forward and out of the the breast cancer patient mentality is getting away and out of my normal routine.  I started noticing that each time I went away for a weekend, I felt a lot better (more like my old self) when I returned.  I honestly think that experiencing new things and meeting new people who don't know about our bc goes a huge way to resetting our thought process.

    But I know it's a process and never entirely goes away.  I was recently on a flight from Palm Springs to Dallas, and as the captain announced the connecting gates, he said "B9" -- and I have to tell, for the moment, I had such a strong emotional reaction that I felt like crying, which seems silly, but was very real when it happened.   The subconscious programming we've experienced is very powerful and may take some effort on our part to recognize and overcome, maybe starting with turning off the TV, for example, or only watching home & food channels, if you want to watch something that won't remind you of bc.     (((Hugs)))   Deanna

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  • 345grace
    345grace Member Posts: 17
    edited October 2011

    .  I would like to exercise more - I should make a must do time every morning to at least stretch, down on the floor.  Walking is dubious for now, due to pain and extreme stiffness. The harshness of this disease has given me a gentleness toward life that I had only dreamed of having.  Does that make sense? Winter fall like day today, cloudy 50, some rain.  I love gardening, cooking, even grocery shopping.  Am very grateful to be able to do these things.  Thank you all.  Oh,-Diana - will be at the Komen race in Little Rock on Saturday.  My first such event. Whooppee.

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited October 2011

    Hi Grace,

    Welcome, although I am sorry you have to be here.

    I think what you are feeling is totally normal.  You've been to war and back, how are you just supposed to pretend everything is normal again? 

    I was telling my husband just last night that I saw the E talk show host Julina Rancic on the Today show the other morning announce that she had early stage BC.  She just found out about a month ago.  It was very brave of her to come on so soon after her dx and share it with the world.  So, my husband asked me "do you ever feel bad that someone like her doesn't have to go through what you or someone else like you went through"?  And in a sad way, yes.  I told him although I don't wish what I went through on ANYONE I am envious that they caught hers so early (she mentioned just surgery followed by radiation) and that mine was probably sitting in me for God knows how long.  But I also reminded him and myself of other women (including a friend of a friend whom had 2 small children and was just dx stage IV from the start) that are going through an even worse experience.

    So, heal at your own pace.  You are you and no one else.

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • solange49
    solange49 Member Posts: 102
    edited October 2011

    Yes it will be my first race as well Grace. It's going to be emotional being will be friends and fellow sisters. I'm glad I'm able to participate before my surgery Monday. :)



    Hugs,



    Diana

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  • 345grace
    345grace Member Posts: 17
    edited October 2011

    solange49 - my prayers are with you thru your surgery.  Please update us    hugs

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  • Outfield
    Outfield Member Posts: 1,109
    edited October 2011

    Grace, looks like tomorrow is an anniversary for you.  I too was diagnosed at stage III, back in 6/2010.  I still think about it all the time.  I never know how much is too much to talk about it.  I don't tell anybody other than my partner about some of the pain I have all the time.  I don't think people need to know things like that.  But the pain - usually not too bad in itself - constantly reminds me of the cancer.  I'd probably be thinking about it all the time anyway.

    For me, working more has been helpful.  I appreciate my work so much more, and yes, I enjoy going to the grocery store.  I am so much more aware of all the little things I am doing.  I enjoy standing up from a chair and feeling strong enough to do it easily.  I enjoy the moon.  

    Have a good walk. 

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  • 116
    116 Member Posts: 108
    edited December 2012

    I am just curious Apple, why do you......"when people come up to me to talk about 'it'.  I'll rudely get up and leave" ? Did I miss something in the conversation?

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  • tlundy
    tlundy Member Posts: 142
    edited October 2011

    345Grace - Welcome!  You have definitely found a site that will be comforting to you in that a lot of us deal with these dynamics with our family and circle of friends.  I tend to get frustrated when people tell me, "aren't you glad that is all behind you!" Generally, I don't want to go into the fact that no, it's not all over.  I am on an AI that comes along with se's, I worry about every little ache and pain, etc., etc.  I know they mean well, and particularly in the case of close family (i.e., DDH, parents, sisters) I think they need to say this because it is an affirmation that makes them feel better and move on from the experience.  Maybe I need to try to be more like them and it would help me to move on, but it's hard.  I know what you mean about feeling inundated with reminders every time you turn on the TV, walk into a store ful of pink sequins and feather boas (grrrr) but that will tone down once we get through Pinktober Tongue out. 

    Are you strongly ER+?  The only reason I ask is that the estrogen suppressors (Tamox, AI's) are an important part of us estrogen positive girls in our ability to ward off recurrences.  They do come with the side effects but are doable (and you can switch to another one if you find the one you're currently on in intolerable).  Not picking on you or telling you what to do, just a gentle reminder that it's important to have that discussion with your onc because it is something in our arsenal to hopefully leave this behind us.  For me, taking that little pill every day has helped me move on in that while I've completed the "active treatment" phase since my diagnosis, it helps me to know that I'm doing this and other things every day that will hopefully help me to move on and put this behind me to the largest degree possible.

     Hugs to you!

    Tara   

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  • 345grace
    345grace Member Posts: 17
    edited October 2011

    tlundy -  thanks for your nudge.  I am strongly ER+, I am 61, would like to live another 20 years or so,  I will call the dr. for bone density results and remind him I am not currently taking the hormone therapy. Maybe today, maybe next week.  I understand there is a 'window' of time - to keep the cells at bay. Even with all the pain bones and joints, swelling - I am feeling lots better not taking these hormone drugs.  I am eating, sleeping, thinking - better for sure.  I am so undecided - at this moment - on the quality versus the quantity of my life. Again, thank you all for your words. 

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