Off topic/Menopausal Insane Woman
Saturday, I burst into tears while playing the guitar (thank you, Lord, no one was home to witness this momentary lapse of sanity). I am hot flashing like crazy, so much so that I could easily solve the nuclear power problems that Japan is now facing. Why use nuclear power when menopausal women are available????
This morning, I woke up furious at my husband. He hadn't done anything other than continue to live and breathe under the same roof as me.
Nobody told me that menopause was going to be like this. I feel like someone kidnapped me and replaced the old me with Linda Blair. Watching "The Ghost Whisperer" moves me to tears. WTH??????
I'm treating myself with total suspicion and distrust. Every feeling, emotion, and decision is analyzed and processed at great length. I realize that I am totally insane and find myself keeping my mouth shut rather than reacting because I'm not sure if I'm being rational or not. So far, it's working and no one realizes how nuts I've gotten. But I'm not sure how much longer I can hide it...
Please tell me this is going to end soon, for the love of pete.
Comments
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Suzy, you had surgical menopause and arimidex added to this--why wouldn't you be responding this way?? Our brains do have estrogen receptors and surgical menopause is a rude shock to the system.
I sure hope it eases up soon.
Kira
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Suzy - LOL at your description of being furious with your husband because he dared to continue to live and breathe under the same roof as you - it sounded waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too familiar!! How unreasonable of them to expect us to tolerate that!!!
It does seem to get better - for the first year or so out of active treatment, people easily PO'd me by pleasantly saying "Good Morning." I think hormones and bodies do adjust - I even allow my husband to live and breathe easily under the same roof these days!
Don't remember whether you're an exerciser or not, but doing a lot of exercise really helps me work off the craziness and tires me so I sleep better. I do all the standard aerobic and weights/resistance stuff, but my real lifesaver has been yoga which forces me to relax and concentrate on being calm.
You're not alone at all in this.
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Suzy, I went through menopause before bc & treatments and I definitely felt sometimes like I was going a bit nuts. Going through it naturally, though, it was gentler & easier to take. I eventually went back to being my normal self.
Um, my "normal self" bears only a faint resemblance to normal. Let's say I went back to my usual craziness - or, as I prefer to say, I am eccentric.
Leah
P.S. Actually, eccentric is crazy with looks and money. With my inate talents I manage to be eccentric anyway.
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Suzy - I love your posts! Hilarious. Okay, you may be going a little crazy - but it is because of the hormones... or should I say, lack thereof! I was the same way in the beginning! It does get better. I use a phytoestrogen cream which really worked wonders for me with the hot flashes and mood swings. I was triple neg - so one would think that my doctor would not care if I use it, but he had a little hissy fit and offered me antidepressants instead (which I refused - I am not depressed, I am estrogen deprived!). I stood my ground and told him I can't be intermittently screaming at my family and sitting on the floor sobbing all day. Anyway, if it is something that your doctor would allow -and he/she may not because of your ER status - I use the phytoestrogen cream by Emerita. Initially I used it once a day (I think the directions call for twice a day - it was the only compromise I would give to my doctor) but now I am only using about every other day and I find that I need it less. It was really beneficial to get me over that hurdle in the beginning though! Otherwise - I agree about the exercise advice - if you can get a good work out in, you will be too tired to listen to your husband breath and you will release some good endorphins in the process! Good luck with this - hopefully it will start to smooth out soon and you can start to feel somewhat back to your normal self!
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Boy does this sound familiar. I've found it best to stay away from people. Only go to work every once in a while (fortunately my sister is managing to hold the fort.) Mad at the world. Also, fortunately I live alone. But now that I think about it, the cats have been staying outside a little more.
FYI to everyone: My hot flashes have been reduced to maybe 1 per day after 3 1/2 years on Arimidex. I think the solution is once I put my moisturizer on my face, I immediately wipe it off. This appears to allow my skin to breathe. I tried going without but skin is too dry.
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