August 2011 rads

I had good news today. My radiation oncologist doesn't think I need to do Tamoxifen he said the side effects would out weigh the benefits in my case. I am still red and itchy 15 days post rads in the boost area. He said it could take another 2 weeks to clear up.

I'm glad to see that most of us are finished or almost finished with our journeys.  I can't believe how quickly I'm healing.  It's 2 weeks post rads and I'm almost normal except I've been exceptionally tired these last few days.  Could that still be from the radiation?  I wasn't this bad during it???

Also has anyone experienced tiny bumps on their arms and legs?  It may just be dry skin but I keep exfoliating and it's not working.  I started to wonder if this could be from all of my hair growing back now after chemo?  It's really starting to come in on my head (but all grey!) and seems to be growing faster everywhere....???   I know I shouldn't complain but it's kind of weird to feel these bumps.

No appology necessary.  Rant away.  We are here to listen. I know your pain and frustration.  I lost it a lot. Cried the last week  over anything and nothing.  I hope you can believe me when I say it will get better in time. Just when you think you can't take anymore, you can... Rads plays on all your emotion. It was one of the hardest things  I have ever had to do personally. It messes with your mind, body and spirit.  Hoping next week will be peaceful and easy, so you can get the  Rads out of the way and began to heal.  Hang in there!!!  Thinking of you.  Hugs and Prayers....

Ceeztheday:  I agree with Irw33.  Rant away all you want.  That is what we are here for.  I went through two surgeries, four rounds of chemo, and 33 rads.  Rads was by far the worst part of my treatment and it did not even affect me that much physically. Rather, it was the emotional toll.  It was the one treatment that truly made me like a sick person instead of a healthy fighter.  During rads, I wished I had had a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy, but with a positive lymph node, I probably would have needed rads anyway. Trust me, I cried a lot. Hang in there.  Rads do end and the physical and emotional healing does begin.  Sending hugs to you. 

Merilee: I, too, did Taxotere/Cytoxan (6 rounds) and am now in pre-mature menopause (just turned 39). I am supposed to start something like tamoxifen when I go back to the MO in early November. I had the option to do a lumpectomy on the right (no option but mx on the left), but chose to go ahead with a double mastectomy, so I would hopefully not have a recurrence. Since I had 3 + nodes on the left, rads was recommended. I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay cancer free. We all make the best decision we can with the knowledge we have at the time. We cannot beat ourselves up if situations change.

I think what is so hard about rads is the EVERY DAY part...at least with chemo, I was only being handled by others once a week...



9 more zaps for me, and I'll be done, and down to every 3 wks Herceptin until April, yep, it just keeps on keeping on.



As for second guessing our decisions: I think we all have doubting times, and it's only after nightmares like yours, Merilee, that we can think we might have done it differently. But at the time? We go with what we think is right, and it doesn't always turn out that way. So sorry you've had such a roller coaster, and thank you again for the spirit you share with us.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. It is helpful to know that you are not alone (even tho' it makes me sad to know that you all are having this experience also). Hugs.

Radiation was hard for me too simply because it is the last big "thing" I had to do on this tough journey. I felt my spirits weaken many a time but I looked at my family ... I looked at my daughter's face and there was simply no giving in. I want to be there for her graduation, when she falls in love and marries, I want to be there to hold my grandchildren and see their mother in their little faces. I want to grow old with my husband ... I want to be one of those couples who still hold hands as they shuffle along on their morning walk. I had to keep telling myself that this was just one more thing I had to do to get to that place.

I have three more treatments to do and I will be done on Wednesday. Just hang in there ... I know it is hard on the spirit and the body ... know that you will survive this crappy disease.

The area under my arm that was burnt black from radiation has started to peel ... the new skin is looking good and healthy ... something for which I am deeply grateful! I was terrified that I would blister. I'm undergoing 35 treatments -- 10 of which are boosts.Peeling started after treatment 31.

Hang in there my warrior sisters -- this too shall pass!

EvelynMarie

http://notmytatas.blogspot.com

Ceez - For me, I never felt like a "cancer" patient until I layed under the linear accelerator.  It hit me like a ton of bricks - BOOM - I have cancer.  It was all I could do not to cry through the entire first treatment.  Then every every day thereafter, I went in with smile and all the techs were great but I HATED it because I HAD to be there and let this huge machine do things I couldn't see or feel but knew it was knock my cells around.  It was a severe reminder of my situation - a situation that I could otherwise tune out while I stayed busy with work, family and friends.  I was incredibly fortunate not to have needed chemo, but did have two excisions (lumpectomies) for clean margins and a SNB on the one side and a stereotactic biopsy on the right side by the time I hit the rads machine, but it was that particular part of treatment that really got me.  Anyway, just thought it might help to hear my story.  Big hug to you Ceez.

Merilee - you have been through so much!  Your attitude is an inspiration.  I completely agree - we can't beat ourselves up for the decisions we make.  They are so tough.  We make the best decisions we can with the information we have - while under incredible stress.

Three cheers to us!! We are all amazing women.  'nuff said. 

Ann

Ann:  You voiced my thoughts exactly.  Through surgeries and chemo, I felt like a healthy person temporarily sidetracked by cancer.  Once I got to rads, I thought like you, "Wow!  I really am a cancer patient!"  For all the rads treatments, I felt like a sick person and wondered if I would ever be well again.  Steel magnolia that I am, I would not let the techs, nurse, or RO see me cry, but I soon as I got to my car, I bawled my eyes out many a day.  Like I say, it does get better when rads end.

Just found out that the cost of my radiation billed to insurance is $35,000

Merilee you got off cheap...I think my rads ran around $50,000 for 62 seconds a treatment (you bet I counted every second every day while in treatment) for 25 days. Elizabeth you nailed it with your post. I could distract myself throughout the day but when treatment time came around everyone including me thought I was a cancer patient. I felt old and sick for about 2 hours a day during rads.  Now 6 weeks out and I have my life back. Granted I am awaiting my BRCA results and see my RO and MO this week but otherwise I believe I am cancer free at the moment.

Who is finishing this week?

Sarahbob- That is fab! You have made it!

Sarahbob - CONGRATULATIONS!!!! 

Everyone else who is nearing the end ... it is near!  Keep going!  I promise you will heal and recover soon!

Hooray Sarahbob!