I'm bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.

Hi kids, It's like 4:30 am and I haven't been to sleep yet tonight. Tell you what... TV sucks after 2am.

Book, that sucks eggs. We just got a mail today from the power co. with the check we sent them returned to us.... because it was made out to the city water. The cheks got switched and were mailed to the wrong utility. The CITY wrote our water account # on the check and deposited it.!!  It was for about 4 months worth of water and NOT made out to them. Wouldn't that be Fraud?  Apparently theres no one working for the city that can read. OR the bank. Oooooooh was DH pissed. And I had the unfortunate luck of telling him about it (cause heehee, he did it, not me), after he had started drinking and he fussed and fumed, slaming the desk and computer until he figured out exactly what the mistake was.  It was a nightmare IMO.

Beccad - THAT sucks rotten eggs. So violated a feeling after a break in. Did they trash the house? Or loot your underwear drawers? That happened last summer at my sisters house and they stole irreplaceable hugely sentemental pieces and valuable ones as well as their computer and his new giant flat HDTV. I pray that you can recover from this. It's not the easiest of traumas, but nobody was home, so no one was injured or threatened, Thank God.

Sue, you are funny. Still Kickin has excellent coping skills. Always wait til Monday to open suspicious or potentially financially damaging mail on Monday, or maybe Tuesday, depending on how Monday goes. And TMC, " Cancer is a big sucky cow!  " Now THAT is  the best and funniest description I've heard and the best part is that IT'S SO TRUE!!  I doubt it will ever end;  the sucky parts of treatment and side effects and after effects and scars and emotional damage, like a big sucky cow walking over us again and again until we are just mud. AND THAT SUCKS

I'm surprised at myself, writing this coherently at such an hour. Hope everybody's Sunday goes well. I think fall hit us today, YAY!

Do you notice that when you gain some weight that your nose gets fatter ? I just hate that. Not trying to gain, for sure, but am anyway. I think it's related to Thyroid so I asked for all the tests on that.

OOH, one more thing. The weather was so nice out tonight that we were sitting out there just chatting and something caught my eye, I swear I thought it was a rat and I hollered. DH got up and went around that way and that caused the creature to turn around back towards where I was and we eyeballed each other for a good 20 seconds, it was a very young possum. Ugly as all getout. Like a lighter colored rat., funky eyes and a naked tail. It came out again tonight and was drinking from the dish holding the drips from the hummingbird feeder (sugar water) and didn't seem too timid. So we named it Bob. Now that theres no dog in the yard, other wildlife will come back up closer to the house. I have to pour the uneaten cat food into tupperware so I don't encourage them to come up too close to get a free meal.

FUN FACT;   If you feed a cat or dog outside and have ants get into the food, get some hunky chalk at the dollar store and sketch a circle of chalk around the food bowl. The ants will NOT cross the chalk!!!  It really works. you have to refresh the chalk after a rain, but it's no more ant/pet food now!

OK, the sun will be up soon. maybe I should try for sleep again. Or I could go hang out in the front yard and wait for the newspaper to come. naaaah, I'm not doing that. I could catch up on Days of our Lives but don't feel lie doing that either. So... good morning all.

Connie.

I am wide awake @ 2 am and I have to leave for work @ 6:30. Insomnia wasn't such a bad thing while I was on medical leave, but how am I going to function now that I'm back to work?? My mind is racing, full of "what ifs"...UUUGGGHHH

TOO MUCH SUCKAGE!!!!

(....now, listen to my crap!)..

Got the pathology results today on my recent surgery.  Margins were NOT clear.  I totally didn't see this coming.  There's a "tumor conference" Thursday at UT Southwestern in Dallas and apparently my odd sternum met will be presented before some experts.  That's great.  The possibilities are....They could recommend that we go back in and remove the rest of my sternum, or they could recommend chemo and/or rads...don't really know what to expect.  I am so tired, disappointed, shocked, AGAIN....all the signs pointed to clear margins and being completely cancer-free.  THAT's what I expected.  

Sue, I logged in today to see if you had updated anywhere only to find this major SUCKAGE. I hope the heavy hitters can come up with a good plan. It totally sucks to go through major surgery like that and have everyone acting all so positive and then get hit again. Damn. 

Hi, I'm angry on all sorts of levels, can I post here??

Angry about this stupid cancer.

Angry that I thought I was done with surgeries, but now I need to have another (revision).

Angry that because of this surgery, I'm going to have to scrap training for my (first!) marathon in January.

Angry that deep down, I feel like I'm not entitled to have the reconstruction issues corrected, since after all, I'm cancer-free now, so I should be HAPPY, right? So what if the implant is too big (like I told the PS from the beginning) and is sagging through the Alloderm? It's purely COSMETIC, and therefore TRIVIAL. There are much more important things in the world to be angry about... grr....

Angry that I was shortsighted and opted for the UMX, and now I'll have symmetry issues for the rest of my life. Oh, and not to mention that I still have another breast to worry about....

 Angry that people don't even get it when I'm being sarcastic. I'm tired of people. People are stupid. There's no cheering me up at this point. GAAAAH!

heh, how was that for an introduction?

~Esther

PS - Oh, and you can blame chabba, she sent me here.

Oh, and I forgot one thing: I am sick to death of all things pink!! Has pinktober always been like this??

Thanks for the welcome dutchgirl6. I'll try to tone it down a bit now...

Esther, I'm  glad you found us.  Yes it sucks.  And your problems are NOT trivial.  We all deserve quality of life and that includes boobs that look like what we want.  I hope that like so many of us you find some relief in venting here.

welcome orangemat - this is the place that's helped me through the last 8 months - please, let it all blast out here - it really really helps to have a place where you can say it all & receive lots of understanding.

martha

Way to go, Martha... I like to go in with a list  Yes, I'm a list-maker. it helps me make plans and get stuff done...  anyway, use up the entire 90 seconds they allot for each of us and get all your questions answered.

I did the MRI last week. Get the results tuesday. I'll vote for a short report that shows nothing remarkable.

Connie

Christine - My sincere condolences for your son's passing ... from my heart to yours ...

I'm suppose to be saying "that sucks ... listen to my stuff" (according to the instructions for this thread)... but, I just couldn't bring myself to write that after reading your post ... 

my stuff sucks, but can't even imagine what you're going through ... you're a very strong woman!  You're a survivor! 

I just had a bmx (with TEs) on Monday, and I keep asking my BS to please take that 2 ton elephant off my chest ... it's soooo painful ... argh!

And, now I'm worrying about losing my hair after losing both my breasts ... just keeps getting better and better ... it's a roller coaster ride, and not a very fun one! 

I was very attached to my breasts, and I feel like all my womanhood just went on hiatus ...

Love~Peace~Joy

Trinity

This seems like a good place to vent! Sorry!  Why can't people except the way that I deal??? I am just recovering from a mastectomy and really am doing fine. The recovery was awful and yes I had my days when I felt sorry for myself and that I was not like everyone else! I feel I am ok now , returning to work in a couple of days and just playing the waiting game of what is next in this fighting game we call Breast cancer treatment! I can't understand why people are all there for you when you are recovering and you don't really want to talk and hang-out and then when you feel better no one is there? It's like they feel they did their part and now they can go on with their life. grrr I feel like saying " you know what don't bother !"  I also wish that people would not bring it up all the time, when I talk to them! They must have something else they can talk to me about ? I also hate when they do talk to me about it ,and ask questions I feel they always turn into negative comments and negative thoughts and I feel like shit when I get off the phone or walk away. Well I feel better now , and Im sure I will be dealing with this for a long time , I just hope it will get easier to deal with! Thanks for listening

Some reasonably sucky posts...but I think we can get a bit more ANGER out can't we??? We fight our best when we feel sorry for ourselves because then we fight for a piece of what everyone else seems to have.

Heard on the talk-radio this week, but not the whole segment, about people who play by the rules (me), work hard all their lives (me) and then find at the end that they are WAY farther behind than their peers (ME!!). Having been in commission sales for most of my adult life, I tend to get highly paid, but the stress is unbelievable and you have to be fairly aggressive. I tend to want people to like me, so I crumble in front of confrontation and become passive aggressive. 

Hi Ladies,

I'm not new to the site but never post much. But I've been very angry and feeling sorry for myself these days. 4&1/2 years ago had squamous cell ca of lt breast. Had mastectomy, rotten, nasty chemotherapy & 7 wks rads. Because it was squamous cell - so very rare & triple neg, they treated me very aggressively. This past March was dx with DCIS in my rt breast. Yay! Lucky me. Had lumpectomy and rads again. Had to wait until after the surgery to find out definitively. Had I known before from just the biopsy, I would have had mastectomy. So now all I hear is how this time was no big deal! No big deal for everyone else perhaps, but certainly not for me. I'm just tired of it all. Life does go on, but we still feel anger at times and should certainly be allowed our feelings. Thanks for listening ladies.

Christine - My sincere condolences for your son's passing ... I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through at this time of year ... from my heart to yours ...

And, to all the other ladies with "sucky" stuff - Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off! 

And, if someone could please remove this 2 ton elephant from my chest, I'd greatly appreciate it ... bmx with TEs performed this past Monday ... 

Oh Sweet, sweet {{{SUE}}}  Honey, there is NO reason to apologize for the pity party.  Sounded more matter of fact then a pity party. Any one of us here, would have the same emotions hon.  It's hit you blindsighted a 3 rd time.  One with the intial dx, then the second, and now the close margins and still present  Sweet lady, of course you are depressed and sad, I'd be worry about you if you weren't, you know?

You know you well loved and very well wished for with prayers and good thoughts, but if you need anything else that at least I might offer, please, don't hesitate, K?  I can not imagine in my wildest dreams or nightmare what you are going through.  Hope I never do, but not sure I could be as strong as you are now lady.  Be strong and bounce off us anytime you want dear

Lots of love, prayers and {{hugs}} hon~