August 2011 chemo, anyone w/ me?!

Ellen - I can hardly swallow - I'm broken out in welts and I itch and burn all over my body. I don't care if it's "one more". You are not having severe reactions like me. If I can't breathe nor swallow and steroids aren't helping nor Benedryl and even the Drs don't know how to help why would I put my life in danger for "one more". I dont mean to sound terse but this is serious. I thought I would be admitted yesterday.

Ellen : Glad your ultrasound is clear! Woot!

Grimbol : Woo! Clean MRI!! GOOD.I can't get a MRI b/c of my CI , so I have to get a CAT scan every three months.Last one was clear, so I'm hopeful for the next one.

 Chrys : I feel for you.If you can't do it , just stop.It's not easy.I'm not having as hard S/E as you and I'm at the point of stopping too.. You'll get back to normal..7 tx's are better than nothing at all! You've done everything possible to kick its butt , now it's time to try and live life again.Just don't be a stranger , OK ? BIG BIG warm Greek hug out to you.

 Michelle : I've downloaded the sample of that book on my Kindle , but I don't know how I can adopt that lifestyle as I'm a picky eater , been all my life...I'll try to adopt what I can after I've finished chemo , right now I can't afford the stress of more changes.I'm stressed out enough from the whole BC shit , plus the situation in Greece.I have to pay a tax property that I don't have money for , and I'm unemployed to boot! aargh.Been researching it all day..( on the up side , I didn't research anything abt chemo or BC , so that's a bonus , maybe ) 

 a laugh for all of you..Half an hour ago , I decided I should take my evening meds ( I take an antihistamine every evening when the weather turns , for my allergies ) and I added a painkiller due to bone pain..anyway , I walked in my room to grab them from my bedside table...but I didn't manage to get very far..a head was moving from somewhere.I very nearly screamed then and THERE.Almost peed my pants and was ready to faint! Common sense prevailed , and I switched on the light..

 What had scared me so much? the goddamn WIG!! The stand probably got unfolded and was wiggling when someone was coming into the room...and in the dark , and an active imagination....

 I'm moving that thing to my brother's room tomorrow , stat! ( He's not living with my family anymore except on holidays ) but almost everyone nearly peed their pants from laughing so much , and I figured...you might need something to laugh about

 Off to read some and then bed , it's nearly 3 AM here.I was so scared that I left immediately without the meds , then had a D'oh! moment and went back to retrieve them  

goodnight ladies.Hope you enjoy the laugh.

Thats's great Ellen!!! What a releif!!

Thanks Vivie that did make me laugh

Marthah- Congrats on being done!!!! Yay!!!!

Sorry that your going thru so much Chrys!!!

Grimbol your going through hell and you got rude comments from your family!!!

Good night everyone!!!

Good night everyone!!!

Chrys -  I'm so sorry you're suffering.  I completely understand your needing to stop.  I've felt that way all week and talked to the PA about it during my appt today. If I had more A/C to go, I'd stop now.  This week has been hell. The worst of the four rounds, both physically and emotionally/mentally.  Though not the same kind of acute physical reactions that you're having.  

I won't stop chemo altogether at this point, in part because I believe everyone when they say the Taxotere/Herceptin will have milder side effects.  And Taxotere has such a completely different way of killing cancer (versus both A and C) that I want to at least try it. But we are probably going to postpone starting it by a week, so I can have a longer respite between these.  

Vivie, I too just read your post about the wig, laughed and had to read to my husband. He thought that was funny too. Thank you. I have had a really bad week. My brother and I are not speaking.



He has said some really nasty things to me.



Jennifer

Dear Chyrs--now we know how our "co-survivors" feel when they see us in pain: helpless!  I wish there was something I could say or do to help.  All I can say is trust yourself--you know your limits and your body better than anyone else. According to the author of that "Anti-Cancer" book, "feelings of helplessness feed cancer." Who knows, maybe by taking control of your own treatment you're doing yourself more good than the chemo would anyway.  I don't know. But I wish you peace and strength. I wish us all peace and strength.

Thanks, all, for the advice about the radiation and the Systane (bought it, used it, feel better). 

Chrys, I wish they could give you a definitive answer to what's causing your S/E's. I definitely understand giving up the treatments at this point, but I would feel better if you knew what was causing your reactions! Feel better soon!

Vivie - I loved your wig story! Very funny! I've been really jumpy since this all began. Easily surprised by people appearing in doorways...I jump out of my skin! I can't imagine what I would have done! 

JBagley - I'm sorry about your brother. Many members of my family have disappointed me since this all began. I really need somebody nurturing around, but I guess I'm the only nurturer in my family. There aren't any others! Hubbie is working really hard, and cooking, but is otherwise uninvolved. He forgets I have appointments, wonders why I'm tired the night after treatments...He isn't at all sympathetic, and he's getting worse. I think he's getting tired of it! (And I'm not)???? Funny, oldest daughter seems to be the most supportive. The last one I would have expected. And my best friend, who's been awesome. But had her second child in August, so has been very busy herself! I'll know I'll feel better soon, but I worry about getting older. Maybe I should pick out my own nursing home now:-)

Jbangley - Jennifer , I'm glad you liked the laugh! You definitely needed that..Too bad about your brother...my own brother doesn't seem to get it , especially the being deaf part , so we often argue and drive our mother crazy.Fortunately , he got it with the BC shit and listened to me...a big big hug out to you..I've argued with other family members about the whole shit , so I get it.Just keep your child and hubby close , and it'll soon be over!

Robyn - I jump out of my skin easily too , and that's part of being deaf too..a sudden tap when you can't hear/missed hearing the voice can make you go EEEEK.I'm known for jumping a foot in the air while locking up my apt and a neighbour dares to tap me..it's a miracle I didn't scream last night,lol.

Today I'm a lot better , wig has been moved , and I hope to be right as rain by next week..we'll see...Oof.

rachel - Thanks for the encouragement!

Taylor777- I'm glad you were able to use the link.  My oncologist confirmed that again yesterday. He briefly explained why, but I have acquired some sort of adult onset ADD and I lost him. I'm seriously considering the marijuana, too but I want to eat it in brownies. I'm afraid the smoke will bother me as I can't tolerate strong smells. About the rads, I also had a grade 3 tumor and I will be having them once chemo is done in January. I had more positive nodes though.  I just want to throw everything I can at this beast!

Grimbol & Vtellen- Yay for clean test results!  Now you can stop worrying about that and get on with your treatment.  What a relief.  

Vivie- I think you should take a trip!  I'm wondering where someone from Greece would go to find beauty because your country is gorgeous!  Your wig story was funny to me.  I may have mentioned this before (chemo brain) but my pug, Frank, has a love/hate relationship with my wig. It is on a shelf in my closet. He barks and growls at it when he sees it so I close the door. But if the door is ajar, he can't resist prying it open to take a peek and bark and growl all over again. He doesn't bark at all if it's on my head.  

JMULL- Tx #3 was tough on me, too.  I hope you feel better soon.  I just had tx #4 yesterday so I'm crossing my fingers that the SE's don't last as long.  

dianamaps- I had AC #4 yesterday.  My nurses all congratulated me and again assured me that Taxol will be easier. When I went back for my Neulasta today, they congratulated me again as I won't have to have them with Taxol unless I have problems with my WBC's.  Now I have 12 weekly Taxol tx to do.  How many do you have?  

I hope everyone has a great weekend free of SE's.  

edye 

edyem : LOL abt Frank.I used to have a dog too , and  he never liked new things , LOL.He used to growl at my brother's laptop bc that meant less cuddles, LOL.So if my brother wanted to work , he had to do with a laptop AND the dog's head for at least half  hour on his lap...awww.I wonder what his reaction would've been at the wig.

 btw , my brother made me marijuana brownies for me , but I didn't touch them since the research was very conflincting , plus I like to stay away from anything addictive ( except chocolate , lol ) like smoke , drugs , etc.They went moldy and I tossed them , so I imagine some VERY stoned mice were in our garbage , as a neighbour found a mouse that couldn't walk straight....Played innocent and said , oh , really ?

As for the trip..it's cheaper to go abroad , rather than travel in my own country...yes , that is true.I can all see you staring and going WTF at  that , but it's true..a trip to my friend's island is at the same price of going into London! I still havent decided where I'd want to go ,  but my dream destination would be the States for a 2nd visit, but that's something I can't afford...*sigh*

michelle have fun visiting the new baby and knowing her! I miss my nephew too much ( 1yr old ) but he's been sick so we're keeping our distance - even when I was in tip top shape colds wiped me out , so I dread to see what'll happen now.

Ellen - LOL abt Jackdandy.he sure did a proper 'raid' on your closet! I can imagine you chasing him around and trying to not lose your wind! 

Grimbol - feel better! I know abt the feeling of being gypped out , I also always flew to Athens in October/November to welcome friends that did a brief stint/layover in the ATH airport and I'd be there to show them around and greet them , but this year , a friend is coming from NZ , and I still haven't booked anything..I feel good , but I'm afraid of my energy levels..as for the emotions thing...its something that I have to deal on my own and try to figure out..We have to hang in there and make the best of it , and next year , hopefully , we'll laugh about it..

 It's October , and that means we're closer to the end than ever! I finish out Jan 10th ( hopefully) , so I'm trying to hang on that date.Along with a lot of chocolate.

 as for side effects , this might not be considered a side effect , but my right arm is really sore ..especially the hand part ( where they found a vein ) and have some bruises. Worried about that bc they'realmost black , but since last night , begun to fade.Hoping to heal , but starting to think that maybe I should've asked for a port.On top of that , the really expensive wig has a tear on the inside , and I have to get that fixed.too much tugging and probably some of the rice pelting from the wedding made it tear.Ugh, and my mother mentioned that if we leave it , it might make a bigger rip ( anyone has had that experience ? ) so better to get that looked at.

 Things in Greece are starting to look worse and worse , as I have to pay for a property tax that I don't have the money for , and another tax revenue for which I don't have money either - everything went on the surgery /wig/paraphernalia/books to keep my sanity intact.Oof.Not much money for Christmas either, and my mood isn't helped by the fact that some of the packages I had in the mail went missing.

BTW , I know this is not the foob forum , but i've had some burning sensation from my TE.feels weird and I worry - appt with the PS is on the 25th  , and it's not too bad , but I worry.

I was thinking back to the last tx and realised it happened at much the same time.  Physically after about 8-9 days I'm picking up, go back to work and think things are good until next time, then 2 days later the emotions fall apart!!  Rough day today, but it'll get better.

Hope you are all doing 'ok' whatever ok is these days.

Edyem:  I would have had 12 Taxols, just like you.  But the (small) hospital here in central NY is out of Taxol, so I'm doing Taxotere instead.  The dosing for Taxotere is once every 3 weeks, for 4 rounds, so still a total of 12 weeks. Plus I'll be doing Herceptin at the same time, same schedule.

It is strange that it's a common substitute but the dosing is so different...  

I'm 10 days past AC #4 and still have some mild nausea and the bad-mouth-taste problem. It's starting to fade, but this was the longest it's dragged out...