Dying Awareness final lesson in trust

thatsvanity · September 2011

How do you imagine doing your own “post work”? As we are reminded of death in this fall season of growing darkness, let there be an opportunity to look at death: past the tragedy, the awesome darkness of it, to see the wonder. Truly it is a final lesson in trust, surrender, and deep peace. In the end, there is nothing to fear. Written by Lynn Woodland

thatsvanity · September 2011

Witnessing my sister's dying process during this time of her life has changed my whole concept of death. I no longer look upon death as frightening and unknown. It is as though my sister gave me little peeks into the next world and come back to reassure me that it’s all right—there’s nothing to fear.

geewhiz · September 2011

i almost didnt read this...too scary. But what a blessing I did. You have shared an angel with me, with us all. How wonderful....what your sister saw. Hugs and healing white light to you. You are an amazing sister.

Kaara · September 2011

I feel exactly the same way. Two years ago I spent a week with my dear Aunt who was being tended by Hospice. I learned that death can be a very peaceful experience, and I could see that my Aunt was ready and willing to pass on. I told her to send me a sign that she had made it ok. Her nickname was Roadrunner (like the bird in the comic strip) because she was always on the move.

The morning after she passed, we looked out in the backyard and there was a Roadrunner perched on her fence. It hopped around in the yard for a few minutes and flew away. My cousin said they hadn't seen a Roadrunner in that area for twenty years! It was a joyful experience.

Lena · September 2011

I'm sorry for your loss of your sister, thatsvanity. And for the loss of your aunt, Kaara.

By doing our own "post work," do you mean making our wills and planning our cremations or funerals or whatever we think we need when we die?

If so, I'm no longer just imagining it. I've been working on my will on and off for the past few weeks (it's nearly done. The only things I can't figure out are what to do with my rat collection and my archival master tapes/leftovers of my 7th album). I spent some time on it this morning, and also started looking into the "practical" aspects of cremation. Thus far, the only thing I'm genuinely finding worrisome about this whole death planning thing at the moment is wondering how I'm going to PAY for a cremation so my Pack Rat doesn't have to (since what I want is so bottom-line simple: cremation only, no services or flowers or fancy crap, he could help me with that, but I don't want him to, if that makes any sense). It's just that right now, in initial online research, the best I can find for even the simple cremation-only is going to stretch things -- if nothing happens between now and my death to make me use up the last of my very small reserve, that money would only JUST BARELY be enough. I mean I guess as an almost-indigent I can probably find a legal aid lawyer to make sure the will is legal, but I'm still not sure of the cremation. Oh wait once I'm dead maybe my Pack Rat can sell my car and keep the money from that if necessary (it's probably worth 3-5 grand -- added to the maybe $1,200 or $1,300 I'll have if I don't lose my reserve, that would more than cover it actually. Too bad I still need to drive it since I'm still alive, huh? LOL)...well I'll also be calling them (cremation provider) in the near future anyway and get some more info that way too, maybe we can work out some kind of payment plan I can (barely!) manage!

Hmmmm, well, guess I'll find out soon.

Kaara · September 2011

Lena: Thank you for your kind words. My aunt had her services planned right down to the last detail, which at the time I thought was creepy, but now I understand. When my sister passed, I was left with arranging for her cremation and burial. It was really a horrible experience because the funeral homes want to take full advantage of you at your worst time of sadness. They even charged me extra to have my sister's cremated remains buried with our mother in the family plot which my grandfather had bought and paid for many years ago! If it hadn't been my sister's dying wish, I would have told them to cram it, and would have kept her ashes with me. There are cremation services that are less expensive, but you have to look for them. It is still the least expensive and most practical way to go, and doesn't take up space on our already crowded planet.

DJ64 · October 2011

Dear Lena,

I have my will and medical directives all tended to and the cost was very affordable. I also pre-planned my cremation. I will not have any service, newspaper obituary and all that goes along with the funeral business. I paid something like $1200.00 in 2009 and it is put in a trust fund by the funeral people. I thought that to be fairly cheap as a woman I worked with told me her daughter's funeral cost over $6000.00. I couldn't see paying that much. My family is scattered all over so there is no point of a funeral.

My children can raise a glass to me if they want.

Best wishes,

DJ

DJ64 · October 2011

"They even charged me extra to have my sister's cremated remains buried with our mother in the family plot which my grandfather had bought and paid for many years ago! If it hadn't been my sister's dying wish, I would have told them to cram it, and would have kept her ashes with me. "

Dear Kaara,

Everything has a price. Though your grandfather bought and paid for the family plot years ago, he did not pay for the interment of each individual who would be buried in that plot. It cost money to have someone dig up a spot for burial.

I took care of that problem by asking that my ashes be sent to my son. He knows how I would like my cremains be disposed. I don't want to be planted in a cemetery.

My sympathies on the death of your beloved sister.

DJ

Kaara · October 2011

DJ64 - Thank you for the kind words. My sister and I were estranged for many years and had only reconnected just months before she passed. She led a very troubled life, but in the end she reached out to her family and knew she was loved unconditionally. She so badly wanted to be buried with our mother that I didn't have the heart to refuse, so I paid whatever I needed to in order to get it done.

Anonymous · December 2011

really death..is very horrible one...for funeral ...cremation is better option....

Dying Awareness final lesson in trust

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