Terrified

So sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us!  Being supportive and loving your mom and dad so much is going to help your mom lots!  You will find a lot of answers and support here.  There are caregivers here too, that can share what they have experienced and how they dealt with it.  I can tell you that when I had chemo I had a friend who came and stayed with me.  They brought me blankets when I got cold and turned on the fan when I had hot flashes.  If we were riding in the car, my hot to cold feelings would change every few minutes and they were so nice to just adjust the a/c every time and never complained.  They went to the store for me and picked up my prescriptions.  I have pets and they did the litter box for me and made sure they had food and water.  Just having someone around made me feel good.  We didn't talk much, but I didn't feel like it.  A shoulder to cry on helped, too.  My caregiver told me the worst part for them was when I cried and they couldn't fix what I was crying about.  It must be very hard to be a caregiver and you are so needed and loved!  I know I haven't said much, but I hope it helps you.  I know other people will respond to you and help you much, much more.  Hugs!!!

 Getting diagnosed with cancer, or having a loved one getting the results, is very scary.  But these feelings will go away or at least calm down as you start the process.

A lot of people recommend getting as much information as you can.  It gives you more of a sense of control.  Dr. Susan Love has a great book on breasts and breast cancer which will give you great foundations.  You might also want to check her foundation's web site for updates on discoveries.

Your dad may not be able to accept the help he'll need.  It's going to be very scary for him; his potential loss is in a lot of ways much bigger than yours.  You might try to get him to go to care-taker support groups on the grounds that you need his support.

My husband, I think, has really found it hard to have such an important part of his life way outside his control.  One reaction he has had has been to try to control me more.  You and your mother might discuss this, so you don't freak out if your father gets very bossy.  It is very irritating, but it might help him.  I didn't take it very well, I'm sorry to say.

As an older person (close to 70), I found going to a large breast clinic made things easier.  Everything is in roughly one place, they can take care of scheduling, transferring documents and so on.  I started out with a single surgeon practicing alone and every connection being made seemed to involve problems with verification of insurance, faxing, etc.  I'm not practical or organized, so this was very hard on me.

I'm sure lots of people who don't go to clinics don't have the problems we did, but just in case...

In fact, I went to MD Anderson; they also have all sorts of support groups and so on.  Again, when it's all in one place, it is easier. 

Beokmom- Im so sorry to hear your moms cancer has progressed and is now stage4. There is a stage 4 forum here and i know the ladies there will be happy to give you any info for questions you might have. Im not stage 4 but know of many woman who are and are doing really good. Again im sorry and will keep your mom and your family in my prayers

Hugs,

Debbie

Hi,  Sorry to hear that her B/C has spread.  For right now, read up on the chemo she will be given and make sure she is clear on the information the doctor will be giving her.  Stage IV has no "cure" BUT some are able to get to remission with no evidence of disease (NED) and be stable for 10 years or more.  I hope your mom will respond well to her chemo like that.  Every individual is different so it is difficult to predict how it will be for one individual.

When you can, look through the Stage IV forum for topics you are interested in, or have questions about.   Besides talking things over with your mom (if she is willing,) you and your dad can help out just by doing everyday things.  Chemo can make your mom feel fatigued, so let her rest as needed.  Make sure she gets good nutrition.  That sounds like a no-brainer, but the chemo can make food taste nasty or just be tasteless so she may not feel like eating.  Good nutrition will give her the strength to endure the treatments better.  If her appetite is really affected, the doctor needs to know.  Finally, it is naturally depressing to receive news like this.  If you, your mom, or your dad start to spiral into serious depression, get help for that.  It may be counseling or a pharmaceutical solution, but there is no need for anyone to become overpowered by depression since it can be helped.