HOW BC MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF

I can totally understand how you feel!  I to have the same thoughts running thru my head.  I glance at my chest and sometimes want to burst into tears.  My friend thinks its sweet that my hubby still loves me as I am, but I still have a hard time dealing with it myself. 

Nope, not at all....I get the quick glances too when people find out, I think it's human nature but still & I'm sure I even did it myself before without thinking.  I use to get glances because I had big ones now I get looks because I have none and I never wear my prosth. either.

Paula, that kinda irritates me that your friend thinks it is sweet that your husband loves you as you are, of course he does! I know not all husbands do, but the ones that are truly decent do and you deserve that, your breasts don't make you who you are. I haven't had bmx yet but will be later this year. I am having a hard time with the thought of losing my breasts,  and my hubby also says he doesn't care, but I know it will affect both of us emotionally, we just will have to overcome it somehow.

Shanagirl, I do feel a bit embarrased to talk about it, especially the upcoming surgery, it is such a private thing to me and makes me very sad. I already feel damaged even though I haven't had the surgery yet.You are not crazy to feel this way, it is just how you feel. I try to get my attitude in check, I love your attitude jennyboog!

Hi,   You are not crazy to think that way. I also see people sneak a peek at my chest when they find out I had BC.  I don't like people that I meet to know about it.  I just want to be treated like everyone else and get on with my life.  SharonH

(((((barb))))))))

i think that non-cancer folks (i know, dumb phrase, but it's the first one to leap to mind) just don't get it. it's really like we speak a different language - those of us who have been to Cancerland. maybe, in those moments, remembering all that you've done to be here on this wonderful earth, and as you said in your last post: who cares what they think.

i often find that folks actually aren't thinking of me as much as i worry they do. and - people are essentially good. they mean well but feel awkward and so f*#( it up sometimes. i always try to separate folks: clueless v. careless.

I had immediate reconstruction and so I look no different, I get that searching look too, even from women. I find it pretty funny, but I can see how it can be upsetting or frustrating.

 One thing that does "get" me is carelessness of some dumbass who thinks my medical file is his/her business and asks me about stage/nodes blah blah. My husband has had to step into some conversations to save the other person! lol

and the funeral look - oh, that really sucks. we node + gals get that a lot. pisses me off!

I'm sorry.  I don't feel that way at all, and I am very open about it.  I have never caught anybody looking at my chest and in fact, my brother - just a week ago - asked me if I'd had a mastectomy.  (He sure hasn't been paying attention).  It was a phone call so it wasn't anything about my appearance either. Um....yeah.....two years ago!!!  .

I think a lot of what you see in people who react to you is reflected from your own personal experiences in how you feel.  If you think people are going to stare at your chest, every time they look down you will see it as a glance at your chest.  It never occurs to me that people will, so if they do, I never see it.  

I'm sorry you feel so bad.  Maybe you should examine your shame to try to figure it out.  Do you think you did something wrong to get it?  Are you feeling guilty?   

You did NOTHING wrong and you are a strong woman.  You should feel proud of yourself that you have dealt with a situation that makes other people weak in the knees, and next time anybody asks how you are, say, "I'm GREAT!  How are you?" 

Frankly, I do feel bad about myself and every day think that I will never be who I was. I don't think I'm better in any way. I also have permanent se's from chemo to add to the pile of crap. Whether my attitude was different or not, it still would not bring back all that I have lost. My friends know that I had bmx but I don't talk about it to others. If they know, they don't mention it and I don't want to talk about it. I also am tired of people - only acquaintances or almost strangers asking "How is your health?" I know it's because they don't understand cancer that they ask that question but I am tired of it. When I get that question now, I say "I'm fine. How is  your health?" They look at me like I"m crazy. 

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to post  my experience and how it is for me now ( out 6yrs )

I had a diificult time with treatment and had the " Uncle Fester" look for a really long time. I also had residual pain, so not only was I gray , bald and had no fingernails( none at all) I was totally miserable emotionally and physically. I actually had to take the mirrors down , since I didn't even reconize myself. and oh yeah, when I actually did have enough nerve to go out I got those damn pitying looks, from strangers and even worse stupid comments from " friends' Anyway, the topper was when I was sitting across from my husbands businesd partner ( all evening ) and he didn't even acknowldege me.

(I  found out later, he didn't know who I was ! )

 It took me  a couple of yrs to get back to me. Slow gradual steps. and eventually my " dark" days became less and less. I

 Dear sisters, as time passes you will get more and more comfortable with  your revised self. You will become less fragile, and will not be so affected by other's insensitivity. You will become stronger through this experience and it will become crystal clear to you, who you can trust and whom are your true friends. Only those who have walked in our path truly " get it". so part of the journey is accepting that. I wish you all better days ahead.

this is a great thread. it really touches us;trying to recover from this stuff is so hard. there is such a difference between a couple  of years out and more years out.  what has helped me the most is totally accepting the diagnosis...moving into treatment...and then picking up the pieces after the fact.  i have always believed that accepting the diagnosis is the bottom line.  our life has changed.  everything has changed.  your body...your emotions...relationships...nothing will be like it was before cancer.

all i can relate to is how i have tried to move into the cancer and out of it.  i still think acceptance is the key.  however, it takes so long..there is so much to go through before you get there.  even then, i am not so sure it is easy.

for the newly diagnosed; and the people trying to beat this...just keep doing one day at at time. i know it sounds so stupid; but really, that is all we have,. 

 so many changes because of cancer.  it is real.  the thing is though; whar are you going to do?

i think you just keep going; post here...and know you are alive.  wjhat else is there?

the thing is; this is your life.  it is all you have.  if you are alive as you are reading this; then understand that th is  your breath..is your life.,

no one knows what the future holds.  all you have is today.  use it for joy and connecting to others.

hugs