My Sister's birthday

Crochetcynde
Crochetcynde Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in May Their Memory Live On

My first post on time looking for support.

My sister, Lynne, passed away on October 21, 2010.  Yesterday, 9/18, was her birthday and it sucked!  I still find it impossible to get through holidays without crying and hating it.  I've come to dread every family oriented holidays.

Sometimes, friends understand and sometimes, they don't.  Yesterday, one of my bestfriends told me that my feelings and actions surrounding hating holidays was not healthy and something is wrong with me.  I was crushed.  She thinks I need to find a way to get over it.   I don't think anything is wrong with me other than I'm grieving the lose of my big sister.  Am I wrong?  Is there something wrong with me?  Do others feel this way? 

I don't think that people who have not gone thruough this can understand going through this over 2 year battle with stage 4 cancer and then hospice care.  It's still very raw for me...

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  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited September 2011

    I understand completely.  Today would have been my father's birthday. He died in December of 2006 and on the first birthday I was really a mess. I don't see anything "wrong with you" for feeling sad or dreading the holidays. I believe it is natural. Last Christmas there were 2 less chairs at our dinner - my husband and stepfather both died last year. One of the worst Christmas' in my life.

    Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way. Does the hospice care in your area offer bereavement counseling? Ours does and while I didn't find the group counseling helpful, they also offer individual counseling. Sometimes talking about it and sharing your grief and sadness can be helpful.

    Denise

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  • Crochetcynde
    Crochetcynde Member Posts: 6
    edited September 2011

    TY Denise.  I wasn't expecting a response so fast!  Smile  

    My sister died in Oklahoma and I'm in New York but I have contacted Gilda's Club and I'm going to get involved.  I have a therapist but she's new to me and we haven't really gotten into this yet.  Besides, what can one really accomplish in 30 minutes..

    I'm sorry to hear about your losses.  I can't imagine what it would be like to lose 3 loved ones... Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

    On a brighter note, I plan to get a pink ribbon tattoo in honor of my big sis.   

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  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 648
    edited September 2011

    Do you have any other siblings? I would be lost without my "little" sister. She's actually 12 1/2 months younger but 7 inches taller!

    It seems as I get older (56) I become the older generation and have to start dealing with losses, sometimes one on top of another.

    What is Gilda's Club? I'm assuming Gilda Radnor but is it a bereavement type group?

    D.

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited September 2011

    I think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do.  I lost my son eleven years ago tomorrow and that day is always a sad day for me along with his birthday and Christmas.  I have two daugthers as well and they still find those days difficult also but we try to make the best of them and always have a candle lit on those occasions for him.

    Time does help the healing spirit and the depth pf the pain of loss does recede but it never goes away.  Give yourself time.

    Love n hugs.  Chrissy

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  • nowords
    nowords Member Posts: 423
    edited September 2011
    I too think that it is normal. Grief is a process. I tend to get through things, not really over them. Time does make the pain and the holidays a bit easier to get through but it is never the same. It has been almost 18 years since my Dad died and we still miss him...as time passes we cry less and remember him with stories more. He was a blue collar son of Italian immigrants, a WWII vet, a gambler and a drinker but a non judgemental wise and loving Dad. He played our three house numbers on a ticket every day...some of my siblings still play the same numbers and often hit for 500 or 1000 usually near a birthday or holiday and always say it is a gift from Dad....Laughing
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  • Crochetcynde
    Crochetcynde Member Posts: 6
    edited September 2011

    Gilda's Club is now called or is a part of Cancersupportcommunity.org

    I'm new to it so I don't know a lot about it yet. 

    I do have a lil brother and a sister in law but we are not that close.   I get to go home once a year but when I do, it's like I never left.  I call my sis-in-law regularly.  She was very close to Lynne but finds it hard to talk about.

    I have to say that since I've found this site and have gotten this feedback that I feel better.  While my friend is well-meaning in her concern for me, she can't possibly understand what I'm going thru because she's not experienced this and has no siblings.  Knowing this, I understand that she can't be a support for me and that's okay.  When in doubt, "serenity prayer" it away. 

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  • bekker
    bekker Member Posts: 14
    edited November 2011

    My sister passed away in April.  I was also the little sister, we were 7 yrs. apart.  It's extremely difficult to deal with all of this.  Two months after she passed away her husband brough home a new woman that he is now seeing regularly.  My sister had three young kids under the age of 10.  Now the family is divided, he is trying to live his life and doesn't want to see us, he feels that I shouldn't be judging him, but my heart aches.

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