2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Laura, I am having trouble finding words. This is going to be a real problem when I go back to work. Is your brain coming back, having finished the Taxol?

Laura,
I am sorry to hear you are in pain from having your port out. As much as I want it out,I am not sure I am looking forward to it anymore after hearing that it can be painful. I keep remembering all the pain I had when he put it in.
Still no hair but I do have my eyelashes and eyebrows. I never lost them. Do you think they could still fall out?
Graycie

Graycie, my eyelashes and eyebrows hung in there until a month after my last Taxol and then they all fell out, even though the hair on top of my head had started growing. I had read another woman post that the same thing had happened to her, but they grew back fairly quickly. So, I hope it doesn't happen to you, but don't be surprised if it does.

I'm so excited, I got my exchange date today!!

I'm getting my new boobies on April 11th! My liposuction will be done at the same time and will cost $4500. I feel like its Christmas day and I got what I wanted!!

Rosemarie, my onc said that at my age, 42, that I am prob not in real menopause either. She said Tamoxifen is in in my future but because of reading here, I suggested that she just take out the ovaries. She said it's my choice and we will talk about it next visit.

I have to schedule my ps visit and he said that 3 months after Taxol is when I can have my permanent implant put in. Maybe July???

My onc visit went well, bone scan was clear. The only problem is that when she touched my sternum to locate where I was having pain ... which is now gone, when she touched the spot it was painful. Before, I could feel the pain without touching it. It's not the whole sternum, just part of it. She doesn't know what it could be since I had the pain pre-mast.

My blood work is good and she said I am doing "amazing'" ... she said most of the girls are not working and she is amazed I have been able to keep up with the chemo schedule without missing one and still work (and we had 2 shows during this time in which she knew I had to work 2 weeks straight for both).

I am not proud of working, I wish I had the time off, just cannot afford it. I am single, have a 4 year old and a dog, mortgage, car, etc!!

Graycie -
No, I don't have a wig on. Almost half of my hair had fallen out when this photo was taken. I chickened out just b/4 I was going to post a bald one. I am going to wait until the swelling in my face and eyelids goes away. So, I just decided to post a different one. Also, as of today the port pain is definately going away. I am still glad I had it taken out. I hope your brows and lashes don't fall out. Mine are completely gone and have not started growing back yet and like you, I am almost 1 month post Taxol.

Laura,
Your hair looks great considering you said you had lost half of it. You would never know..I should get a new picture, maybe with the wig on...which looks nothing like me since it is brown(I have been hi-lighting my hair since I was about 15) I figured my hair will come in brown since I won't be putting the bleach on it so I thought I better get used to the brown hair and it won't be a shock to people when I take the wig off if that ever happens.....Hopefully it doesn't come in gray, I was lucky that way, just a few strays.

Glad to hear your port pain (or should I say non-port ) is getting better. I still have mine. They used it yesterday for my CT scan and bone scan. I won't get my results until March 13 so I will ask then when I see the ONC about having it removed.
Everyone have a GREAT weekend!
Graycie

Graycie -
Let us know as soon as you get the results. Maybe my next photo will be w/the wig. Have a good weekend too!
Laura

okay..couldn't figure out how to insert a picture. could somebody guide me through this?
ravdeb

Laura,

Yes its on my list to talk with my specialist. I'm not happy with the possibility that the chemo 'might'finish the ovaries off and would like to make this a definite finish off. I had hysterectomy 11 yrs ago but got left with ovaries. Wonder if I'd be here now if the surgeon had taken them then. Also on my list for the specialist is to discuss having mastectomy of (currently) healthy left breast. When I was diagnosed it was all going to be a straighforward operation. Yes straight to mastectomy, 8/9 nodes +ve, axial reconstruction, chemo and rads. Not sure I could do this again and anything I can do to minimise, even if its more surgery seems good to me.

I started chemo in oct 05, I have 2/3 more Taxol to go and 20 more rads.

this is the second one we did...it's a bit better. could be better though!!!
ravdeb

yikes...my nose looks out of whack, too!
hard to get it down to size and normal, huh??? eh...normal is overrated anyway :-) LOL

thanks for the compliment! I always thought you looked nice in your picture, too. You've got a great smile!
ravdeb

Amy,
First of all, thanks.

Nine more rads!!! That terrific!

I think you were one of the first entries I read when I got on the boards in October. I remember you comforting me about hair loss before my hair had even fallen out. At the time, that seemed so important...hair.

I think that what you call "delayed reactions" I have not gotten to yet. I didn't have to lose my breasts to this but my reaction to having cancer at all...I sometimes wonder if I realize that I have it. I often feel that I'm looking at myself from outside my body and I'm just playing a part like in a production. I remember when I learned that I had cancer. I cried for about 5 minutes and then told my husband it was time to get information and figure out what to do. We went straight to the sugeon's office. I have had my teary days, but they come and go like some hormonal imbalance.

I cried for about 2 minutes when I showed my husband my shaven head. I never cried about that again, either.

I think it started to hit me when I learned that Theresa had passed away. It suddenly became real, that one of the women who was fighting so hard but seemed so optimistic, could die from this.

So, though I don't need to come to grips with the kind of change that you have, I still need to accept that I've got this thing to begin with!

I think that maybe that good cry you had helped you come to grips with the reality of it all. Sometimes I think that's what I need to do.

Be strong, Amy!!! You are terrific.
ravdeb

Brenda - Ravdeb - Your photos are great!

Brenda - It's great to read that your hair is growing!

Amy -

When I "have my moments" the words I repeat over and over are: I just want to be normal again! And more and more lately I find myself missing the "old Laura" and wondering whether I will ever be "her" again. We are all dealing with a loss. Not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically as well. They say time heals all wounds. I hope so. Hang in there.
Laura

Our new normal may be different but it may be better. There has to be a reason we are going through this.

As for wanting reconstruction I'd say go for it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look better if you can help it.

My lumpectomy left me with... are you ready for this... a better looking breast!! Now the unaffected breast looks huge and sagging. My lump was in the 2 o'clock position (close to armpit) so the surgery scars are practically hiding.
Question for anyone: Do you think insurance will pay for "fixing" my other breast for symmetry? Sorry this sounds so frivolous, If you are having a particulary rotten time right now I apologize.