anyone starting chemo in Nov 2005

Debbie so glad you had a great night. Michael and I had a little romance tonight! He had to work a long shift yesterday , so I pulled out all the stops tonight. Whip cream and cherries too! LOL

I had a small break down just before, I hate seeing myself in the mirror, and we have the sliding closet mirrored doors on his large closet. So that set the wrong mood, (We will be getting new ones soon, so glad. )and we almost didn't have our night for us.

But he held me and told me I was still a beautiful woman in his eyes. I soon was okay, but blindfolded him anyway. Felt better that way.

It was good to connect again, I miss that part of us. I'm just to sick or tired for much at all.

I think the pink ribbon idea is great and March first sounds good as a cut off date.

Gives me something to look forward to.

Night all

Mary Lou

Debbie, hope you are feeling well after treatment. Kim, LOL, I thought that "Gotmilk" screen name would give you a smile.

I was up last night with my legs again, they just wouldn't stop hurting. I'm calling my ONC to see if he can give me another pain med.

At least with A/C I could sleep the night and day away and it was over. This is all the time.....

This just has to stop, it has been 7 days and not much relief at all.

Debbie, I am sorry you didn't get your full treatment. I heard your yell loud and clear. LOL!!

Kim

Hello Ladies,

I realize it it has been forever (once again) since I have been on, but between treatments, work, the damn lymphedema that has popped up on me, the marriage counseling that I have no idea if its working, and my little late nite trip to the hospital I don't seem to have a lot of "me" time to get on the computer.
I have had had 2 of my 24 weekly carboplatin/Xeloda treatments and they seem to be going well except for the queasy feeling I have 24/7. I head for #3 on Monday. I had my first base line mammogram a few weeks ago and it came back normal. I have to say that was the best news I have had in this past year.
I am up and down emotionally right now as I come up on my 1 year anniversary of diagnosis. I really thought I would be done with treatment by now and am trying my best to keep my frustration at a minimum but knowing I still have almost 6 more months to go has a tendency to frustrate me even more.
My kids who have been my rock for the last year had to take me to the er this week when the stomach flu sent my fever to 101 and I couldn't stop puking because my husband was out of town on business. This was the first time since all of this started that I have had any sort of problems and it scared them to pieces. I thankfully bounced back quickly and after a lovely IV of fluids, pain meds, anti-nausua, pepcid. I got to go home. It was like having chemo, just push that crap on through me lol, only this time I actually felt good when they were done.
I started PT for the lymphedema which has been blamed on by a number of things depending which doc you ask. Onc. and PT think it is mostly from the taxetere. I am thinking they are right swelling has gone way down since I finished with taxetere and everyday gets better. Also caught in time and with exercises and self massage she thinks I can keep it under control.
Biggest stress issue I have right now is my husband. He hasn't and isn't dealing with any of this . He has skipped numerous doctors appts. since July and even missed a counseling session. I love him to pieces but at this point just not sure if its enough anymore. At times I think he's trying and we will be ok and at others I think it will be very tough for me to forgive his not being here for me during any of this when I am finished. Ok, I am done venting.
Hope everyone is doing well with their treatments. I keep checking for hair, and making the kids check but they just laugh and say no, not yet. Still wondering what color it will come in this time.
For those of you with hair coming in and your eyebrows and eyelashes still falling out, that is normal it is really your new brows and lashes pushing them out. Brows grow really fast, eyelashes a little slower but it is almost like they just suddenly appear enough for mascara.
Thoughts and Prayers to all of you.
Deb

Hi ladies, I will open up our exchange to the triple negatives.

I HOPE and PRAY I get treatment this week!!!!! grin....

Deb-I agree with Kim. I am really sorry to hear about what is happening with your marriage. My hubby and I had a weird struggle yesterday-I'm not going to try to compare our situations, but just know that I can empathize with how tough cancer is on a marriage.

I agree with Kim. I wish our November sisters would check in lots more! I am so connected with all of you, and hold you all in my daily prayers.

Love and prayers, Debbie

I will be half done with my taxol+herceptin tomorrow and half done with rads this week. It sure will be nice to be on the back half of both. I am doing well, but this isn't my idea of a good time. I hope I don't fall apart when treatment is over, as I have been in battle mode since dx in Oct.

My husband gets asked questions when he picks up our kids at school "They caught it early right?" "She's going to be fine, right?" He says "She's doing fine. And catching it early would have been catching it a year before it started."

For some comic relief I tried all of my wigs on my husband yesterday. HILARIOUS!!

Well, I am off to the lab for a blood draw.

May your week be one of minimal side effects and great thoughts,

Margerie

I think you are great to organize the pink ribbon exchange. I am just not reliable enough these days to participate in something like that. I can't finish much of what I start, and couldn't handle the guilt right now. I respect you and wish you well though.

I hope all of you who so want treatment get it this week! Every time I go in I prepare myself for the possibility that my counts are too low and that I get turned back. I consider myself lucky to have been able to get every scheduled treatment thus far. I am keeping my fingers crossed for all my sisters.

I got my Taxol/Herceptin #5 today. This weekly stuff is so much easier to handle fatigue-wise than the A/C, and I can't complain of any side effects other than a huge lump in my throat on days 1-4 and some swelling in my hands, but just going to the oncologist's office every week is so nerve-wracking. I still want to cry when I leave the house on Monday mornings, and I have noticed my husband being especially sweet to me starting on Sunday afternoon. He's pretty much a sweetie, but he gets oh so careful with me the day before treatment. He is doing so much and I am not doing half enough to show him my appreciation.

I started working with a lymphedema therapist last week and she is doing manual drainage massage to get control over the swelling I noticed along my torso (which my breast surgeon told me was in my imagination and which my oncologist looked at and immediately wrote me a prescription for LE evaluation). The therapist will eventually teach me to do the massage myself. I am so hoping that if I can manage this with the massage and won't have to to the wrapping and binding, cause how do you wrap your torso anyway?

I agree about the things people say. I have gotten pretty good at changing the subject, though. I know they are doing their best, and in a way I have more compassion for the ones who bumble along and say things that leave me speechless as opposed to the ones (my husband's friends or associates) who call and pretend they don't know who I am when I answer the phone and simply ask to speak with him, then ask him all about me and tell him to give me their very best wishes, etc. etc. I am learning how hard it is to face cancer from the outside and I sometimes wonder how inept I perhaps was before all this.

I just wanted to check in with you all and send my best wishes for strength and healing to all my chemo sisters.

Love to you, Kaye.

Hugs to all.

Anna

Hey girls. I wanted to let you all know that I am having a Brain Scan (MRI) on Friday. This wasn't a planned thing. My PET Scan is still scheduled for next Wed. I have been having something funky going on in my right eye. Onc. didn't feel it was anything serious to worry about (mets to brain) but to go to an opthamoligist. I did last Friday and then again yesterday. Eye doctor doesn't really know what is going on, but something is. Onc. office says it is highly unlikely for it to spread, since I had a scan in January, blook work and markers have been fine. It doesn't make sense. Anyway the onc. said to put my mind at ease, not his we will order a MRI. The eye doctor and my onc. spoke this morning and both feel the MRI will give more definate answers. Speaking to many women here on the mets board and the onc. feel that the chemo can do a number on eyesight. I hope and pray that is what is causing the vision blur. So Friday I am going at 11:30am. Please please say an extra prayer that everything turns out ok and it is just the chemo.

thanks
Kim

hello ladies,
How long does it take for your hair to start coming out,
I asked my husband to shave my head, and he looked at me
like I had two heads. I want to be in control of my hair
not my hair controling me. What do you all think.
Peggy C

Hi ladies - I've started to write a post several times and for some reason I never finish it. I’m so emotionally drained from this whole journey it has been very difficult to put my thoughts down in a coherent way. The best way to describe me these days is EMOTIONAL!!!!!! I haven't gotten a period and the hot flashes are extremely uncomfortable. Could it be menopause????? I don’t think I was emotionally ready for it. I see my Onc tomorrow hopefully there is something he can prescribe to help with the symptoms. This has been a long and difficult journey. I will be finished with chemo next week but instead of feeling excited I am barely hanging on by a thread! Where do I even begin to gather the energy for rads????? Okay…I’ll quit now.

Oh Odalys, I so relate to you and to being EMOTIONAL. I am excited to hear you are almost finished with chemo! You have been through so much, let yourself fall apart as much as you need to; you'll be back, strong, calm, you'll have new energy and soon this will all be a memory.

Hugs,

Anna

Pego,
My hair started to fall out 14 days after my first A/C treatment. My husband did the buzz cut for me and he did it to himself. See the pictures on my web site. Under the long road of cancer.

I had a party, and yes I took my control back before it had a chance.

At Christmas the children ( all grown ) painted my head along with my husband and friends.

This is a long journey and I needed to have as much fun as I could while going through it.

And I only plan on being bald once in my life ! Good luck, and show that husband of yours this site too.

THanks girls. I am feeling a little better today. Onc. is convinced this is just due to the Taxotere. I am having the PET Scan next week because the original thought was 6 Taxotere's and then figure out what is going on. Did my 6. Now we have to make sure the MRI is good, and then decide what to do about the breast mass. Hopefully it shrunk and either surgery, more Taxotere, or different chemo. The unknown is taking over right now.

Kim

I have hair and it is growing! It is very thick, and some of it is longer than just fuzz. It is sticking straight out. ( Stick straight.) Will it stay that way? Or begin to curl later? I don't want curly hair. I had a natural wave before, and I really don't want that either.

And I wonder if it will all fall out after the Taxol is over. I have to shave my legs again, and I like it. Feels normal

I agree, Liz, the new "new" is going to take some getting used to. I asked my onc. if I would be getting the regular scans (PET, bone, etc.) I hear everyone talk about and she said no. I looked her right in the eyes and said, is it because if the bc recurs elsewhere there's no cure? and she said we would be talking managing as opposed to curing, but that managing a recurrence of bc can absolutely allow for a good life. She also said that research has shown that regular scans do not pick up on recurrences significantly earlier than the doctor does when checking you out, but that scans do give numerous false positives. Then you get to deal with the unknown, the fears, all the stuff each one of us has been living with since the day of our diagnosis. Still, it seems once we finish chemo it's all about being vigilant and bringing symptoms to our doctor. So I guess we have to find a balance of some sort, vigilance versus hypochondriacism. I hope I can figure it out.



So today is my birthday and I've been crying all day. This time coming down off the Decadron seems harder than ever.



The hair: I don't even mind the bald head with whispery fuzz that much any more. I quite like not having to shave under my arms. My leg hair was already pitiful, so I gave up shaving there years ago. What I really really cannot stand is not having any pubic hair. May I please be totally crass? The absence of hair down there seems to entail a messiness I just don't like. And I don't like the look of me there either. It's like I'm not a woman or something.



Sorry. Had to say it. Wondering if any of you are bothered by this like I am.



Anna