Am I a bitch or he does not get it?

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited September 2011

    my husband sees me napping and comes and lays on the other sofa to sleep..

    not that i need my space or anything....but i think that is dumb.

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  • peggy_j
    peggy_j Member Posts: 1,700
    edited September 2011
    Really apple? I think that's sweet. (like the way a puppy will come nap next to you. ;)  So that's probably another factor--everyone wants different things (and I want diff. things at different times. Why can't he read my mind? ;)
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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited September 2011

    Haha!  Peggyj, good point!  I want different things at different times too, and sometimes I expect him to read my mind.  Thanks for the post.  I will keep that in mind.

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  • Ralsper
    Ralsper Member Posts: 352
    edited September 2011

    Ladies, I have received really good tips and advice from all of you, now I have to compile some of this info to see what applies to my marriage. I also realize that sometimes is hard not to be "misread" when you are complaining, so just to clarify I think I have a good marriage and it is not like we are fighting all the time, as most of you have mention, this "healing journey" basically changes the rules of the game and we have to adapt. Believe me if my husband would not been supportive, I would've not hesitate to kick his sorry ass long time ago. It is not about that...

    My DH is not only always right, but he is also a procrastinator... At the beginning of our marriage I decided instead of nagging just do it myself, until a really wise woman told me "I made the same mistake 50 years ago and now while he is watching TV I am doing everything else". Marriage is about sharing responsibility... As you said everybody wants different things and for me it's really important that my house, garden, etc. is clean and organize because I believe is a reflection of my life... If my house is falling apart we are falling apart, if we live in chaos we are in chaos (big Feng Shui theory)... So my DH has two choices or he does take care of the garden or he hires someone to do it! See, after my second surgery I tried to pretend I could keep doing it... Big mistake! I have now mild lymphedema for "pretend" I could keep doing everything. I try to drive myself to treatments so I would not inconvenience anybody... Big mistake! I felt sleep while driving and I crash! See, I try not to be a burden and not to whine, bitch and complain because he gives me hugs, kisses and love, but sometime I need a little bit extra support. Cool

    CoolBrezee - I think he also has an extra point because he still makes me laugh!

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  • PinkShirtNow
    PinkShirtNow Member Posts: 134
    edited September 2011

    I think we do the best we can at the time.  Forgive yourself and your husband when you aren't at your best.  I have discover that my husband (like many men) doesn't always get when I just need to vent.  He tries to jump in and fix things and that is not what I want.  It can end up in an argument because I don't want him to tell me what to do, I just want him to hold me and tell me that he loves me even when I'm bitchy.

     One of the toughest things is that this BC diagnosis is devastating, yet we have to worry about how it will affect those close to us.  We end up having to be the strong one when we really are on the verge of falling apart.  I am the patient yet I am also a mom and a wife and I try hard to make things easier for everyone else.  It is just my nature and I'll bet many of us on this board are the same way.  My 26-year-old son told me the other day that I was just going to have to put aside my pride and let people help me.  I'm not sure when he got to be so wise.  I'm trying to take his advice.

     The tough thing with spouses is that there really isn't anything that they can say or do that will make everything better.  Yet we desparately want them too.  I try to keep this in mind when my husband says something really stupid.  Especially when I'm on my steriods and reeeeeeeeeeeeally irritable.Smile

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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited September 2011

    Bitch and whine all you want, but keep that guy! When I had a badly broken foot many years ago, long before bc, my then-husband started pulling away from our marriage, started an affair, eventually moved out and asked for a divorce.



    In subsequent divorce counseling, I wanted to know what made him decide our marriage was "over". He said, when the orthopedic surgeon said there was a slight possibility that I would be permanently handicapped he realised that he didn't love me enough to stay with me through such a scenario.



    One of the things I was grateful for when I was going through my bc treatment was that he was long out of the picture and I had built up a more dependable support system. Still, as flawed as your DH is, he's ten times better than my ex.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited September 2011

    I am rather sorry that i didn't allow you the right to rant.  Cancer makes us kind of touchy.  Rant on.

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