Waiting for core biopsy results

Lavender,



I totally get severe anxiety because I live it. I have been an internal wreck. I truly have had myself convinced that I have a 95% chance of cancer so I just wanted them to tell me the results. If someone had said I wanted cancer, I would have been devastated. The truth is that I feel so incredibly emotionally exhausted by the breast cancer potential that seems to loom over my head and I want THAT over. I think that you've been given some really good advice about having genetic counseling and looking into the possibility of prophilaxtic bilateral mastectomies. It is pretty amazing what they can do now as far as saving your skin and nipples (in some cases). I lost my mom young too and I am so afraid of that happening to my kids. I get the paralyzing fear that can place upon you. I know you don't want cancer. You just want to know for a fact you don't have it and you want to know right this minute. The helpless part for those trying to support people like us is that there are no instant 100% answers. Even docs can't tell 100% most of the time. I want to somehow be told that I will NEVER have breast cancer, but if I'm really lucky and my biopsy comes back ok this time, I'll be back to the wait and see mode. The thing I forget when I'm in my hyper-focused freak out mode is that I could get hit by a bus too. When I started researching the h*ll out of breast cancer this time, I felt like I 100% had breast cancer and I 100% was going to die after the most horrific and grueling treatments ever. That I would send my kids nearly into mental institutions if they found out that there was any possibility I had THE BIG C! Well, I told my kids about the biopsy. My daughter is in reading a book and my son is playing the Wii. My friend is driving me to my biopsy because I let a few people know I was having a hard time with this. I'm trying hard to dot my i's and cross my t's medically doing whatever I can to take care of bc stuff. I think the turn around in my head came when I asked myself, "So what if I have cancer? Really?" When I was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease a couple of years ago and couldnt teach worm kids two years ago, it turned my world upside down. I have been sad about it, but I have made it through. Just like each woman here, we all make it through stuff we don't want to have to. W

Cancer is ugly and scary. Breast cancer adds another layer to that. I never have had a huge affinity for my breasts, but I think it would really mess with my mind to lose them. If you'd have told me I'd possibily have a neuromuscular disease five years ago, I think I would have lost my mind, but it's one of those things that I take day by day and try to figure out what God's new purpose is for me.



I have my biopsy first thing tomorrow morning and I know my stomach will be a mess. My greatest fear about it is lying on the table that long. I had spinal fracture 1.5 years ago. I'm preparing myself for the days ahead of not knowing. I do think it has made a difference to me to tell myself that the world will not implode if my biopsy comes back malignant.

Congratulations on your benign results...now go enjoy being a newlywed!

Lavender ~ Glad to hear it's benign and even more glad to see you appear to be accepting the results! 

Now you can go ride off into the sunset!  

Congratulations!

I am going to STRONGLY encourage you not to hang out here to encourage "other worried young people to keep an eye on things."  In the first place, women who are here have already figured out they need to/should have checked their breasts, so your encouragement is misplaced.  You would be preaching to the choir - it's not like women join this forum and say, "I have a lump but I think I was right to have ignored it for years and I'll ignore it again for another few years."     

Secondly, given your admitted very strong anxiety, especially surrounding cancer, I think that hearing stories like ours is not going to help you deal with said anxiety.  The last place you need to be is a cancer board.  You were a bit lacking in calmness and dignity during these past few weeks and encouraging other women when you have work to do yourself seems kind of like a Amish woman giving Stacy and Clinton fashion tips.  

Instead, I would hang out at the Disney boards, or a travel board, or something fun where people talk about enjoyable things,  and maybe even plan a honeymoon! 

If you want to help, and I'm proud that you do,  I'm sure there are organizations in your town that need support, and where you can reach women who have not gotten to the stage where they have found a lump or are worried about being diagnosed.  While I'm not a fan of awareness organizations, if you think it's important, you can find a group that does outreach to young people and help them learn that they should check their breasts and go to the doctor.  Give your time and energy to them, and do something positive.  I really think hanging out here would be negative in your life right now.

Good luck with your marriage, your future and your managing your anxiety.  I hope you have a wonderful life! 

Lavender - congrats on the fibroid diagnosis, yay!!  Due to your anxiety issues, you should have the lump removed for your peace of mind.  And then move on, get on with your young marriage and your life! 

Lavender, What a relief it must be to know it's benign.  I join with the others in saying congradulations on that news.  You talk about wanting to support others.  A few comments on that in relation to the anxiety issues you are living with.

I have been a volunteer peer support person for over 16 years helping people cope with a diagnosis of cancer no, not breast cancer. To do this, I had to undergo training workshops and still have to attend regular updated training.  This training is done to ensure that, those that are offering to give their support, are doing so in a professional manner and, are equipte to handle the emotional aspect of helping people at the different stages of living with cancer. Yes compassion is the foundation of support but even then, you have to be coming from a strong place in your own mind and spirit to offer that.

I have taken time off from offering support right now because I am in the diagnostic process with breast cancer.  My lesion is B9 but, I have been distracted by the tests, discomfort and at first, worried about dealing with another type of cancer.  Knowing when you can give your best in your ability to offer support, is the most important thing besides knowing what kind of support to offer a person with cancer and or going through the diagnostic process.  How can I come here and offer any support because, there are no expectations of me.  This is a different environment that offers support that allows for no expectations from those that are here to do so.

You can't offer support anywhere if you aren't coming from a good place physically or emotionally and, you just aren't there right now.  Ok, what right do I have to say that none but, it's what I really feel you need to be told.   I also agree with CB regarding your being here, It's just not a great idea for you.  However, maybe at some point down the line, you could help others with anxiety through proper channels.  But to do that, you have to be emotionally healthy yourself.

You do what you need to in order to live life to the fullest and enjoy being a new wife.   

All the best to you.

oohlorraine,

I'm so sorry to hear your news.  But you may want to start your own thread on another board, as Lavender has received her results (benign!), so this thread will probably trail off in readership/responses.  Either"Just diagnosed" or "ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)" would seem good spots to me, but take a look at the Forum Index and make a decision for yourself about which board is the best place...  

You say you're "at a loss right now," but if you put your post in its own thread in a place where it's likely to be seen by those who've had similar diagnoses, you're more likely to get helpful advice/posts in response.

Hang in there!

LisaAlissa 

what were the results from your biopsy