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helpingafriend
helpingafriend Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care

Hello,

I'm making a trip overseas in 10 days to visit a friend who is in the final stages of breast cancer. She's part of an online community I belong to;  I have met her once before in person, but know her mostly through the internet.

Her cancer has spread to her bones and her liver.  She's been quite a fighter, has been living with and fighting this for several years; but unfortunately her final chemo option was having no effect, so that was ended in July and there is nothing more the doctors can do. So far she's experiencing a lot of fatigue and some fluid buildup, but that's all.  

I know that just going and spending time with her is really the best gift I can give her;  but I would also like to bring her a few small things, if I knew what to get.  I know she doesn't need 'stuff' at this point, but I was thinking of tea, which I know she loves (she's in the UK) and wondered if there were other small things, NEEDED things, that she could use.  Hoping for advice from anyone who's familiar with what happens in this stage, anything that might give her a little joy or comfort.  She's a big reader too so book recommendations would be welcome.  Also, I don't want to get her the WRONG things; i.e. would chocolate be bad for someone with liver involvement?

I've been extremely fortunate that I've never known anyone inside or outside my family that has had to deal with cancer; but this leaves me a little ignorant, so please, educate at will.  
As far as conversations, I thought I'd just let her know I was there to talk about whatever she wanted, whether she wanted to talk about things or not, or just listen as the case may be...

Thanks in advance for any help/advice!   

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  • J9W
    J9W Member Posts: 395
    edited August 2011

    Hi HelpingaFriend,  I don't have any advice for you but commend you on making the trip to visit your friend. Maybe bring a good book that you can read to her. 

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2011

    Helpingafriend, what you are doing is a wonderful gift, the best there is.

    As far as I know, chocolates are fine for someone with liver mets, but she might not have any appetite and/or things might taste funny so keep that in mind.

    When you are there, if you can give her a massage/ foot massage it would be soothing. A nice manicure doesn't have to be professional to lift her spirits; the same thing for a pedicure. In other words, anything that will soothe her.

    What you said about talking is very good. She's still alive and wants to be treated that way.

    May G-d bless you for the wonderful thing you are doing for your friend.

    Leah

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  • Granuaile
    Granuaile Member Posts: 113
    edited September 2011

    When my mom was in her final hours, we all spent time with her talking about memories. She was in and out of consciousness, and her last words were, "For God's sake, Catherine, stop telling everyone my business...." She had been a head night nurse on the ward she ended up dying in, and was one of the best nurses I've ever known. I shared that info with the staff. At least I know she was listening! It felt nice to brag about her, since she didn't do it herself. Just reminding your friend of those great times and her important place in your life should be such a comfort. It's great that you're there for her at such a sacred time. I'm so happy I was able to be with my mother. It was sad, but peaceful at the same time. 

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  • Tg5471530
    Tg5471530 Member Posts: 111
    edited September 2011

    While my friend was in hospice I asked her husband what she really enjoyed.  He of course said Chocolate (Hersheys with almonds)  Even though I dont think she ever got to eat it, her face was so greatful and it really made my day too.  I also think that a nice CD for her to listen to might make a nice small gift too.

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  • helpingafriend
    helpingafriend Member Posts: 4
    edited September 2011

    Thanks all for your input...

    My friend's condition seems to be going downhill faster than she (or I) had hoped.  She's got ascites now;  having to go in for paracentesis.  She didn't get the prognosis for how much time she has b/c she didn't want to know.  I can't say I blame her.  But I hope I haven't waited to late to make this trip.  I couldn't afford the tickets earlier, prices were just too high.  Does anyone have any idea what this means, as far as how much longer she can be on her own, or how much time she has?  I feel just awful, but even worse worrying that I might have waited too late..... 

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  • Anne45
    Anne45 Member Posts: 1,037
    edited September 2011

    I think she may like books on tape/cd so she can just listen to book instead of reading herself.

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