kids and fear

All of us who are mothers with small kids share the same fear, Steff. And it would be abnormal not to have that fear, IMO.  I'm not out much further than you are but it has gotten a little less intense as time has gone on. 

I don't think there is one thing that anyone could say that would alleviate the nagging fear that comes with a cancer diagnosis.  But you have to have faith in your healing and the medical process.  You are doing everything that you can to see your babies grow up.  There is nothing more that can be asked of you.  Do you pray?  It helps me.  God doesn't always heal the way we see fit - I know, my daughter died after a drowning accident - but prayer does change things.  Cancer is evil and steals so much from us that we just cannot get back.  But don't let it rob you of tomorrow by destroying it with fear.

I know it's cliche' but none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  I know, I know, an invasive cancer diagnosis really makes you think about tomorrow. 

Praying for your peace of mind tonight....

Steff66,

I too felt those same fears.  My kids were 3 and 5 when I was diagnosed.  I remember sitting at dinner looking at my 3 year old daughter and being so sad at the thought of not being here to see her get married.  I got up from the table, went to my room and cried.  We had just bought a house the fall before I was diagnosed.  I remember being so excited for the summer to get out and enjoy the weather, then I had my diagnosis.  The summer didn't go the way I planned, but one night sitting on the back porch with my husband watching the kids play on the swingset with a bunch of neighbors, I remember being sad thinking, "This is what I hoped this summer would be like."  I realized in that moment, the summer was just what I wanted if I only looked at it that way.  Yes, I was dealing with cancer, but my big dreams for the kids in the summer were still coming true.  It is hard, I know, and even now I have my days.  I try to remember to be happy for each day I have, knowing that no amount of worry is going to change my chances.  I got a fortune cookie a while ago and have used that as my mantra ....If you worry you do not trust, if you trust you do not worry.    

Good thoughts going out to you,

Michelle

Hi Steff66, yes we're the same age!

I remember how I felt all thoses years ago. I think the first year after diagnosis you are dealing with the fact you have cancer (& that is scary) and dealing with all the treatment. The second year I found was a recovery year and it was about getting back to 'normal'. The year after that I was more able to 'move on', although its always there in the back of your mind, you can forget about it (until a check up comes along).

I know its not the same for everyone, but it may be similar for you.

Got to go the barefoot trimmer is here for my daughter's pony! 

Steff--my kids were 5 and 8 when I was diagnosed. Now they're 9 1/2 and almost 13.

My Stage IV bc mom died while I was still in treatment, and it was a long time before I could stop obsessing about recurrence. Both my father and father-in-law died of cancer as well, and I couldn't see how I would possibly not go down that road.

But now that I'm over four years out from diagnosis, I hardly think about bc or mets anymore. I've had some scares regarding new primaries and possible mets, and the stress that came with that was horrific, but things ended up OK. The fear and thoughts about bc come and go in waves--right now bc is more on my mind and I'm checking bc.org b/c one of my friends, who is pregnant with her fourth child, was just diagnosed with Stage III triple neg. But really, most days bc is not on my radar at all.

pejkug--what you're describing about feeling lost after treatment ends is very common. It's like one's safety net has been taken away. I promise that time will fix it. The farther out you get from treatment, the easier things will be. The only thing that is harder for me now is actually going to the onc, since I'm down to 2x a year. Seeing the rad onc is once a year. So at those appointments, it's more of a shock to the system to be at the cancer center again since it's now infrequent. My onc said she has a lot of patients say the same thing. Also--I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can't even imagine having to deal with a child's death.

Steff, there's a section, Talking to Your Family and Friends about Breast Cancer, on the main Breastcancer.org site that includes advice about talking to children (as well as other relatives and friends) that may be helpful for you.

Judith and the Mods