Tired of hearing about "Survivors"

I hate the term too.  I hate October which is my birthday month and anniversary month and I hate pink which use to be my favorite color. 

I think Frapp is on to something. I am stage 1 and should be wearing pink everything and all of that but none of us feel like survivors. When could you possibly stop looking over your shoulder for more cancer to sneak up on you? When can you stop thinking about it when the drugs you take have such obvious side effects. How can you feel like you have overcome it when it has so profoundly changed you.  Frapp said Fighter. I could embrace that term. I may not survive this but I will ALWAYS be fighting it.  

They should change the term to Fighter.

I am stage 1 and almost 5 years out from chemo.  I hate the term survivor.  I am, and will be,  a cancer patient for the rest of my life.

Hopefully, I will stay in remission; but there are no guarantees.  May be I will be a valid member of this forum some day.

Until then, I can only send all of you stage IV people a virtual hug and hope that someone will make a break through on this horrible disease.

Ladies - I never post on Stage IV forums, but am adding my voice here because this is such an important topic and does affect us all to one degree or another.

Many early stage people are actually pre-stage IV (although we don't know which of us...yet).

But what I wanted to say is that labels cannot define us. They just serve as 'shorthand' to identify what we've been through or are going through.  Instead of asking a group, "How many of you have had cancer?" they now say "How many of you are survivors?"  For some of us, our breast cancer is an experience we went through and leave in the past, for others it is something we deal with for the rest of our lives. And there is not yet a term to differentiate between the two.

I think society is slowly working towards being more comfortable with cancer in general. My mom tells me that back in the 60's, people would not speak the word 'cancer' without whispering or called it 'the c-word' - they were afraid to speak it out loud.  So fast forward to now, and we have come a long way.  Yes, it is with forced cheerfulness (clapping for those who had cancer - YUK!), and yes it is not perfect, and yes, society still resists the concept of metastatic disease, would rather emphasize 'beating it'.  But time changes things slowly and we ARE moving in the right direction, albeit with a lot of bumps along the way.

I doubt this is much comfort for those who feel ostracized by the 'big pink' community. And I don't blame you.  But remember, cliches or catch phrases or labels are NEVER going to define you as a person.  You are not 'a survivor', a 'previvor', a 'warrior' or whatever. You are Mary, or Barbara or Susan, or Kathleen, or Yolanda. You are you - the entirety of you - daughter, mother, wife, sister, friend, scrapbooker, bicyclist, lawyer, cake baker, runner, garderner - and some wonderful combination of many other adjectives. Cancer is one piece - one awful horrible piece. And yes, it may end your life- I'm not minimizing that at all. But no one-word label or phrase can adequately describe you.

And it makes people uncomfortable, so they try to put a positive spin on it, both for your sake (they think) but mostly for THEIR sake as it is easier not to think about.  And that sucks.

I have learned a huge amount from this board - I considered myself reasonably 'aware' before my bc dx. But now I understand the diff btw awareness and research, the horrible inadequacy of funding for stage IV metastatic disease, the reality (or at least a little bit of it) of living with it, and many other things.  I send my support to my stage IV sisters. And forgive us for the times we say stupid things unintentionally. You really shouldn't have to deal with that.

Hello Survisors,

        I just wanted to chime in about your topic.  I have not been diagnosed YET with breast cancer, but going through the motions now.  That being said.  I want to remind some of you that all of you are really lucky that there is so much funding going to breast cancer research.  You know breasts are the most important thing...LOL  Which is why all the $$$ going into research.  I myself don't even have any funding for research for my extremely rare acquired bleeding and blood disorders.  (1-10 mil) Not only there is not any funding, no research...not even a give a dam about people like me.  I can't even have my teeth cleaned or I could bleed to death.  So, no surgeries, no injections, no meds (thins the blood) , factor replacements have no effect.  I not in anyway saying what all you are going through is easy.  And I also know how tough life can be with the cards we are all dealt.  But, I have to keep the glass half full in my view at all times.  I truely believe that there where be a cure for breast cancer in your future.

Pastalover...

I just want to clarify, because I am not sure of the way it is spelled in your post....  Did you in fact begin your post "Hello Survivors" ??    If so- did you not read the original post????

Such a good topic. Survivor is a stupid term for everyone. I don't know anyone who is "Over it". I cringe at the idea that I am supposed to be "Over-it" I'm not and I know many more that can't get "Over it" It just sucks.  

And of course the pink marketing machine doesn't care what any of us think or feel. They would like us or our friends and family to wear pink and look like brave little pink solders and if we don't like it, they will slap a sash/hat/lanyard/bumper sticker whatever on us when our backs are turned.

It's not even October and I am already worked up.

I agree with what most of you are saying; I have to admit I am sick of hearing...you are blessed they found your cancer early. Initially, I felt optimistic about the early detection and that my cancer is Stage II. But as I gone through the treatment I became more aware and realistic, that the cancer culd come back with a vengenance. I felt relief when my oncotype score came back low and my cancer was deemed non-aggressive but one lady on this board just posted that she had a low score too with a 96% chance it wouldnt come back...and it did. My sister in law has cancer too - DCIS...her ONC, and mine too by the way, asked her if she knew how lucky she was...of course we all want to hold on to the belief that they found it early and it is early stage so we should relax...Really? No matter what stage we are we will forever be branded with the C word and looking over our shoulder. For the Stage IV ladies I will be first to admit I wont pretend to know I understand what you are feeling. BC is a disease that we virtually have little control over. They dont know why certain people get it so all the theories that if you live right you should be okay are refuted by the facts...those people do get breast cancer. I watched peoples reactions when you tell them you have BC..they look at you like okay what is the reason you have it and not me...okay you drink too much, smoke, overweight - pick one. I love the stats that say if you had a baby early in life - I did, when you started, family connection, etc...you are in the low percentage to get IT...doesnt apply to me. I got it anyway. The only people I have found who really understand are the ones who have cancer themselves - not necessarily BC but any kind of cancer. They know it is never over. diane

This topic comes up every once in a while.  I felt like a survivor once- post mastectomy for DCIS and that lasted 10 years.  That went in the toilet with the diagnosis of bone mets.  At the relays everyone wants to be so up beat and believe that they have beaten the beast.I know that I haven't and that the beast will someday get me.  I am just trying to hold it off for as long as possible. I went last year ( first Komen since mets diagnosis).  I felt so out of place. Instead of being able to celebrate  being stage IV and  still alive, I just felt pitied.  I hated it.  I am not sure that people want to have a reminder that even when it is caught early it can comes back to bite you- it scares them.  Gigi's response summed it up for me

Mari 

A while back, they were calling everyone "breast cancer victims." Remember that? People got fed up with of that, so it got switched to "survivor," which bugged me on the grounds that everyone who's not dead is a survivor. I sometimes just say "people," as in "she's a breast cancer person"--which probably isn't a whole lot better.

I got a different vibe from pastalover and I don't want to make anybody mad though. I think there is frustration that some diseases don't get the attention that breast cancer gets, some of the more rare diseases that not many people know about and research funds are more limited. But 2 wrongs don't make a right!

Kathy, as much as I don't like the term survivor, I certainly don't like the term "cancer victim"! I am also not much of a fan of "fighter" as I feel I show up for treatment and hope the treatment is working, but feel rather helpless as to if it is working, either my cancer will respond, or not and I don't think what I do to "fight" will affect that. Sure, I can eat right, exercise, and be positive, but that is not really fighting, that is just living to the best of my ability!

I don't think there are any good labels for what we are going through! Cancer sucks and there is no getting around that. Ha, I have the tv on and Tyra came on, the subject they are talking about, "labels" and stereotypes that people are stuck with! Now I am going to have to watch it!

Blech. I loathe the whole "survivor" world. "Survivor" gives too much credit to this nasty disease. I prefer that I and my close friends, Tamoxifen, Xeloda, Avastin, Xgeva, and Anastrozole be referred to as cancer KILLERS! NO PINK ALLOWED!  

xoxo

I like the comments from the early stage victims. thanks for your support.

 I also don't think I like the term fighter. the oppistei of that is a quiter. We have all seen the people getting treatment that are not able to walk because of side effects from chemo. So, for those of us who live by ourselves and have to function, realize it is time to say no, what are we?

I have fallen in the hall trying to get to the bathroom and stayed there for hours. I am going to die of the awful disease no matter what I do. I am into being as functional as poosible, not buying bed ridden time. So am I a fighter? I currently travel 4.5 hours to get a vaccine to buy more functional time than what traditional treatment would buy, however I have said no to treatments that would render me unable to walk. I have had a lot of problems with neuropathy to the point of not being able to walk down 1 flight of steps to get in the car to go buy food or medicine. How much are we supposed to tolerate?

I'm with you Bak94.  I think I just show up.  I don't know how to fight this disease.  Other then praying and living one day at a time, I guess I just have cancer..I refuse to capitalize the word, I hate pink, I'm not a survivor, yet I'm not a victim..so again I guess I'm just a woman that unfortunately has a terminal illness..cancer doesnt define me.  The only thing I can do is pray that the Havalin continues to show improvement.  I do know when I read this board and see the strength thats exhibited I do have hope. I'm also glad that the people that post can express how they feel freely.  We can rant, rave, laugh, and cry and its ok.