Tired of hearing about "Survivors"

I am so sorry to hear the sadness and frustration in your post. All my life my mom and I partcipated in every fundraiser cancer related. She owned a store and donated more items and organized more functions for local and national organizations, there was no room for her to make a profit. However, she was happy and felt that she was giving back. At 50 (with 2 daughters 17 and 25) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which took her life after a quick and agonizing 6 months. Such a wonderful woman, what an amazing grandmother she would have been. I miss her painfully everyday (it has been 10 yrs) and although my children have never met her, they talk about her daily as well. I too felt angry that she didnt have the chance to fight the way I have heard so many do. With all the cancer in my family history, At 35 have been faced with 2 years of biopsies and "issues" that leave me feeling like a ticking time bomb. I have been on this site for a couple weeks now trying to make sense of the changes I have recently been feeling in my left breast and hopin that if my appt with the breast specialist in 17 days (yes, I am counting down) goes the way I fear it might, that I might have the chance to fight the good fight. I have 3 children under 8 and have always felt that this disease, no matter where it hits, is cruel and hard to understand. Nothing I say is going to take away the unfair feelings you have, as anyone in your position would feel the same, it is just so unfair. I just hope that you know that there are people who understand and feel that you should be able to vent if that helps in any small way. I wish you comfort and am glad that this site can provide an outlet for you to put your feelings out there and get the support that you need in this very trying time. Much love

I've been wrestling with that "survivor" term from the beginning.  I think it's really for the Stage1, 2, folks who have finished the initial treatment and now hope or expect that it never comes back. 

The word "survivor" just doesn't fit Stage IV.   Then again, I'm not a casualty until I'm gone. 

We're fighting the battle daily, so maybe we can call ourselves Warriors.

I'd like to join the crowd of us who aren't comfortable with the term "survivor." You're only a survivor when you die of something else, at which point you won't be participating in walks for anything. I'd rather be called a statistic. Thank you for posting the topic. Was thinking I was just a grump and overly sensitive when it came to that word.

I just can't even think about it because it'll drive me crazy!!!  I started out stage IV like English, but like she mentioned a good percentage of those early stage ""survivors" are gonna join us on this stage IV boat.  That fact just tends to get glossed right over :< 

Thanks for starting this topic.  I have never felt like a "survivor" and I am not thriving, trying to survive the SE's and live a normal life.  I don't like the work "fight" or "battle" either.  I am not fighting anything just trying to live and get rid of a disease, just more time to get back to normallacy than most illnesses.  I wouldn't mind doing the walk, but I do not want attention drawn to myself nor do I want to be remembered for this disease.  This is not what I want to define me.  I like statistic and warrior.

Ditto to those ladies above---

I had seen this thread on the active topics and had to pipe in. I DO NOT feel lke a survivor.  I just want this s$%t to go away!

Take care my sistahs,

Sharon

I have just read this post and agree with so much of what is being said.  I have just completed a BMX and have started recon with TEs.  From the beginning of my diagnosis, since I am Stage I, many people have acted like it is no big deal. Saying things like: "You will be fine", or "You just have to get past this"  I do feel fortunate to have caught it so early, but it is still cancer.  I watched my mother deteriorate rapidly from rolling over in bed and breaking ribs and have seen so many who started as stage I only to have a reacurrance later that comes back with a vengence.  I know that having had breast cancer once puts me at a higher risk for other cancers or for a reoccurance elsewhere.  I definitely do not feel that I can call myself a survivor at this point.  I still have a long road to go and the scars will be with me for the rest of my life as will the constant viligence and monitoring. I don't even know what or if a label should be put on it. I don't want to be defined by my disease.  I am happy to be alive and just want to be able to live my life to the fullest.

Phyllis

Thank you for starting this thread.  I was at a Making Strides meeting  Monday for the walks in October. They asked everyone who was a survivor to raise their hands, I looked at the committee member  and said I am not a "survivor" anymore, what am I?  She said I am a survivor. I was so uncomfortable with that. I am stage 4 metastatic, I will be on some kind of drug for the rest of my life. These drugs can be debilitating, the side effects are awful sometimes. The treatments themselves interfere with my life, the numerous tests and appointments interfere with my life. I will go from one drug with is SE's to another with its SE's until we run out of drugs and treatment plans. I am terminal!

The funny thing is there were very few survivors at that meeting and very few care takers according to the hand raising poll they took.

 Seriously, I dont know what to think when some 50 something lady with lots of makeup and a wig grabs my arm and says, "I know what you are going through. Im a survivor too."

"Yeah?" I want to say "You found your cancer at six months pregnant as a newly wed too?" "You have a three and a ten year old who know you are going to die before they make middle school too?"  "You are going to be on chemo for the rest of your life until you decided to give up and let cancer take you too?"

But I just smle and walk away.   

I am not mad or frustrated anymore with the term. Sure, it used to irk me. Pink hell October is annoying. I am sure I have SURVIVOR ENVY.

I just remind myself that all this hoopla, attention, etc...is bringing us closer to better treatments, more research and maybe, just maybe longer lives and HOPE beyond HOPE a CURE.

It is easy to get angry at the word, term, because many of us were robbed of being a survivor, (I guess I was one for 3 years?). Many of us will be  robbed of being a mother, grandmother, wife, etc...All around, we were dealt a crappy hand.

I don't feel like a breast cancer survivor - maybe I did a bit after the first go around and was cancer free for over 10 years but now with mets - the only thing I feel like I have 'survived' is the total misconception that my attitude, spunk, sense of humor and will to continue to treat is going to save me.  I don't treat, I die.  I treat, I feel like crap and add on a whole bucket full of stuff to try and feel functional.  I will be alive but it darn sure feels nothing like surviving unless you call surviving nothing more than mere existence. 

Hi everyone,

 Sorry to intrude in your forum but Hihopes suggested I share this article with you regarding cliches surrounding cancer. Well written and so true. I lost my beautiful mother to cancer just over a year ago. To say that I am a survivor would be a great disservice to her. I can only hope to have half her strength and courage; the only reason I am here today after my diagnosis is sheer luck.

I didn't deserve or not deserve it any more than anyone else.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/new-health/conditions/cancer/jack-layton-didnt-lose-a-fight-he-died-of-cancer/article2137736/ 

I just wanted to say that I am relieved to see such a discussion because even though I am stage 2, I thought something was wrong with me that I just hate that term "survivor" when it comes to cancer.  to me a survivor goes through a difficult thing, such as a wilderness excursion, and survives it and goes home; the situation and circumstances have totally "changed".  Trouble is with cancer, the situation and circumstances have not changed.  We are still inside the same body as we were when we were diagnosed; we are living the same life and the statistics are exactly the same as they were upon diagnosis.   I guess if you want to see it in a broad sense, each day that we are alive, we have survived that day, but then that would make everyone a survivor, cancer or not, just by driving to work and risking an accident, etc.

I hate pink ribbon stuff - I hate the whole "breast cancer awareness".  What is the point of awareness?  Awareness of what? That it happens every day to people like you and me? That they have WOEFULLY failed kick the butt of this disease despite the millions pouring in with research?  And those who do have new ideas about it, whether holistic, or even allopathic, are silenced while they continue to whack us with awful drugs, etc?  

I don't know.  I detest the whole pink ribbon survivor thing.  The walks and relays bother me because I really just wonder if they are a money making thing.  We all know that cancer itself is.  But maybe I'm just bitter about being organized into a "group" because of something that "happened" to me.    --it happened; I live with fear every day - just leave me alone and don't slap a pink ribbon t-shirt on me and say "Congratulations - you survived!"   I hate when people I meet ask me if I'm cured. I want to say "Don't you understand, you're never out of the woods with BC?  You never "KNOW" what's going on??"  Maybe THAT should be part of the whole BC "AWARENESS" campaign.  

this topic came at the right time - i work in a hospital, and yest i was coming in @ 8am my ID on just going to the elevators. Two nurses from some floor come running behind me wanting me to buy a pink id holder "for breast cancer awareness".

 i kept moving and said no. they insisted it's for Breast cancer! i said well then i have donated enough - i've given a breast to the cause.

 you'd think that would stop them.... no "oh so then you are a survivor, you should really get the holder"

 i don't know what happened to me because usually i'm a nice, reasonable person, but i turned around and spoke loudly "well, i can't be a survivor because the cancer has taken up residence in my liver and bones, therefore it will probably outlast me! the breast cancer is what's surviving, please leave me alone, and by the way i went to my yearly mammos they were all normal until it wasn't" finally silence, i was fumng that they got to me , but it happens.

then i got on FB and reminded all my friends to donate to research not awareness

This is a great topic.  I have never thought of myself as a survivor.  I was diagnosed at IIIB with angiolymphatic involvement, etc. that were bad for prognosis. Yes, I had yearly mammograms and breast exams. My breasts were so dense that a 7 centimer tumor couldn't be felt or seen on the mammogram and the first clue was a fully encampsulated lymph node outside my breast.   I had my first child at age 25, breast fed two children, and did or didn't do most all the things that supposedly lower your risk.    I did every possible thing to beat this monster, had very good response, but never, ever, thought I had "survived", which to me means the danger is over.   The danger was never over, and the mets showed up almost exactly four years from the day of the first diagnosis.  I can't stand people who do not really know about metastatic breast cancer who say "You'll beat it!" or "They are finding new cures!"  I sometimes ignore them (like my brother, who says he can only deal with my illness by believing this) but sometimes I treat them to the truth.  I have already told my husband he is not to say something like I lost a brave fight against breast cancer in my obit--I want it to say (assuming I'm not hit by a truck or die from some other reason) that I died from metastatic breast cancer.   People need to know.