My 30 year old daughter was just diagnosed.
I am so thankful my friend referred me to this site. My daughter woke up a couple of weeks ago with her breast feeling "full". She explained to me that it felt like it did when her milk had come down and she was ready to nurse. She went to her regular M.D. who found a lump and referred her to a surgeon. The surgeon said that it was something he wanted to remove right away and she was scheduled for surgery in 2 days. Unfortunately her work would not allow her the time off so it waited an extra week and a half. By the time of the surgery last Monday the lump had gotten quite large, red, and sore.
After the removal the surgeon told her that he found a pocket of puss behiind the lump and that was it. On Thursday they called her in to the office to tell her she has cancer. That's it. Nothing else. She has another appointment this Monday where I am sure we will learn more. I am going out of my mind with fear. Has anyone experienced these kind of symptoms?
I am leaving to be with her in Colorado tomorrow and I would love to have some positive thoughts for her. Thank you all so much!
Comments
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Hello, I was 31 last year when I was diagnosed and the first weeks after the diagnosis, I was really shell shocked. My first thoughts were, am I going to be around for my kids?? There were times that I felt so hopeless and helpless. I felt better once I had a surgery date and when I when I started chemo. I wanted those cancer cells to die!!!
I am almost one year out from my diagnosis, I had surgery, chemo, radiation...the whole nine yards. I celebrated my 32nd birthday last June and it was the sweetest, most treasured birthday of my life. I met my oncologist yesterday who encouraged me to live my life because I was "disease-free".
My mom was a treasure to me at that time. I got very sick during chemo and she and my hubby took care of my kids. My mom cooked for us, even did our laundry. Those really tangible and concrete help was so invaluable and strengthened our relationship.
I made sure though to try not to be upset in front of my mom because she would get too upset as well and I didn't want her to be.That was one thing I wish was different, every time I would express, anger, fear or sadness she would try to tell me to look forward, think positive, and not be angry but I needed to feel those feelings because they are normal.
Please keep us posted on your daughter.
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I'm so sorry to hear this. Your daughter is so young. I'm glad you can be with her as she goes through what often seems to be the hardest part -- the figuring out what is going on and making a plan. Once you have a plan in place all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.
Sending healing thoughts for her, comforting thoughts for the both of you, and hope that the appointment on Monday answers a lot of questions for you. I have not heard about pockets of puss, but perhaps someone will come along who has. If the doctor does say her situation is unusual in any way, encourage her to get a second opinion at a major cancer center. She can often be treated locally, and no decent oncologist will be offended by having a specialist's specialist look the case over.
Peace and blessings on your travels and time with your daughter.
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LetLet, thank you so much for responding. I need to be a positive person for my daughter. I feel like when I see her tomorrow I am going to fall to pieces. On top of being diagnosed she is going through a divorce. Her husband has voluntarily gone to Alabama with the Army and will not be coming to help with the children. It's me and her. Kind of like how our lives have always been. Except she was always my rock. Now I need to be that for her. Not the crumbling mess I feel like right now. I will definitely post the results from Monday and we do have an appointment with another Dr. for a second opinion next Monday. Thank you so much!
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Revkat, thank you so much for responding. She is way too young and the mother of two young boys and going through a divorce. The husband has opted to go to Alabama with the Army and will not be coming to help with the boys. I have left my job and will be with her through the duration of this. I'm going to need all of the positive support I can get! This is a journey I never thought we would be on. Thank you so much for your kindness!
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I found my cancer while nursing my daughter last year. I went to the doctor because I also felt that my milk was never emptying. A few weeks later I was diagnosed with DCIS (stage 0 cancer). It was throughout my breast so I needed a mastectomy. Unfortunately, they found a tumour and I required chemo.
The unknown and waiting is the most difficult part right now. Don't automatically think of the worst case scenario. Take it step by step, day by day. I felt that I couldn't control my body (at that point) but I could control how I felt. I needed to be strong for my two girls. I cried when I needed to but I didn't let it get the better of me.
Your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mother. I hope you get the best possible results.
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Thepeddlerswife- So sorry about your daughter- I feel like i was reading my own story, 3 years ago my daughter was dx with BC at only 30 years old. I was living in california at the time and she was in connecticut her husband was in the army, and she has 2 young daughters, at first the Dr's thought it was just a cyst and in the meantime her lump was growing she demanded it be takin out because it was painful for her, finally they did and it came back as breast cancer (BC) It was very aggressive I flew back there and took care of her the whole time, This was before i was DX with BC- It is hard to see your baby girl go through something like this, i know how you are feeling, i was devasted and broke down alot watching her go through this, but she got through it just fine- She had reconstruction and her breasts look wonderful, she is happy about them, and most important she is doing wonderful today. and NED (no evidence of disease) Just be there for her, I did all her cooking, cleaning, ran the girls every where, where ever i was needed, Just having your love and support is what she needs. You are in my thoughts and prayers please keep us posted
Debbie
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Your daughter is lucky to have you and your support and understanding will really help so much. I know how overwhelming this can all be as you try to research it all. It's almost like learning a foreign language. The biggest surprise for me was learning there are different types, grades, stages and treatments for breast cancer. I thought breast cancer was breast cancer and that it always meant bilateral mastectomy, chemo, etc but it's not always the case. So you first have to find out what type she has. I think the hardest part is there are many choices ahead on how she wants to proceed with her treatment. Doctors can advise but ultimately it will be up to her. So the more you can learn the better. Then, of course, once she decides on how to treat it there are also choices about types of reconstruction if she decides to do that. It will help having you along on all the doctor's appointments to take notes and ask questions. Once she has more information she can decide how to proceed. I'm glad you found BCO. This is an absolutely amazing place for information and support both for you and your daughter. I have learned so much on here and it was my lifeline as I was going through my surgeries. I wish your daughter the best and hope all goes well at her appointment on Monday. (((hugs)))
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I am overwhelmed with thankfulness at all of the responses.
Kate, I just moved back to CA from Mesa AZ. Such a small world. This forum is exactly what I needed. I feel like I have people to talk to that really GET IT.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
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I want to second what Kate33 said. It's very important to re-read that.
"breast cancer" is an umbrella term for all kinds of cancer that effect the breast. Right now you and your daughter have very little information other than it's "cancer"
That is a very very scary thought. But try to be in your head (as much as you are in your heart right now and understandably so)
It's gonna take awhile for her cancer picture to come into view. So one the best things you can do is educate yourself with information. Solid medical information. You will find it invaluable as the both of you journey this together.
So, take a deep breathe. Take as many as you need. I suggest you go to the forum sticky thread that is title "Just diagnosed-Get prepared"...good practical information there.
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I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter was diagnosed last Oct when she was 27. It's terrifying as a mother to hear her daughter has BC. I found the worst time was before surgery and not knowing the full diagnosis. Once we knew what we were dealing with then we just moved ahead. There is no other choice. I really understand the old cliche of "one day at a time". That's what you do - take it one day or one week at a time. And somehow the days pass and the treatments pass. But is is always there and I think it always will be. My best advice is to be strong in front of her and always be there. I think sometimes daughters can reveal their true feelings to their mother so they can be strong to the others in their life. Listen to her and be sympathetic and baby her; there's nothing like mom when a child is sick, not matter what their age. It's heartbreaking, no doubt, but what you need is to have a friend or someone you can talk to, to help you get through it because you have to be strong in front of her. Take deep breaths to calm yourself and hug her lots. My heart goes out to you. My prayers are with you.
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peddlerswife, i don't have a daughter with BC, but i do have a mother. unfortunately, she is 91 and her dementia is getting worse each day. i just want you to know how much i wish i had a mother who could be with me through my BC journey. your daughter is so very blessed to have you there with her. it's scary and lonely at times. having a mother to care for you, help you, and support you is a huge gift to your daughter. please come back and let us know what you learn on monday. and remember, as others have shared, there are many kinds of breast cancer and many kinds of treatments. once you know her diagnosis, you'll find all the information you need here on this site and there will be many, many women who will support you. we care. lots of hugs to you and your daughter.
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Made it to CO. Here with my daughter and grandsons. It's hard to believe that they say she has cancer. She looks so happy and healthy. Does this really have to change?
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Peddler- There are going to be good days and not so good days, and every one handles chemo differently, Some are able to work through there treatments and others have bone pain or just to tired. Just remember, she will get through this, its not easy but it is doable. Once her treatments are in place and she has a plan things will move along faster. I wish i had the right words for you, but i know what you are going through, as I told you in a earlier post I went through that with my daughter, . Please continue to let us know how she is and if you have any questions we are all here for you.. You and your daughter are in my prayers ((((((hugs)))))))
Debbie
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Just got back from the surgeons. Definitely getting a second opinion. He said the tumor was 2 cm and the margins were not clear. Told us the options which were lumpectomy or Modified Radical Mastectomy. He really wants to do the mastectomy. She asked about doing both breasts at once and he said absolutely not. He Also said no reconstruction would be started for at least 6 months. Won't know about chemo or radiation until after the nodes are checked. Does this sound right? She really wants them both done at the same time. Advice please!
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Peddler- In a lot of ways I felt like the "cure" was worse than the disease. I never felt sick or even felt a lump yet was dealing with multiple surgeries (but no chemo, thank God). Sometimes it can be hard to deal with and your daughter may go through the same thing. Were you able to go with her for her doctor appointment today and do you know what type and stage of BC she has? Hoping for the best possible scenario for her. So glad you are with her.
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Kate, yes I did go with her. He said it was IDC and the tumor was 2 cm. Said he couldn't give us a stage. Scheduled surgery for Sept. 7th. and wouldn't know about chemo or radiation until the nodes are evaluated. Did you have reconstruction?
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Peddler- I was 37 so a bit older than your DD and I had a bilateral mastectomy in December. Only the right side was affected, but I chose to have both breasts removed. I had reconstruction with tissue expanders at the time of the initial surgery. My new breasts looks great and I even wore a bikini at the pool this summer
I also had dose dense chemo and rads. Just finished my first bottle of Tamoxifen, too. I have five little ones. It's a rough road, no doubt, but I'm a little over 9 months out from diagnosis and I'm done with everything. I never would have dreamed I had the strength and courage to fight this battle, but it's amazing what you and your body can do when you put your mind to it! -
Peddler- I also did tissue expanders (TE's) to implants. I will send you a Private Message with more information.
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Love your new pic Kate33!
I was 38 when dx'd...my right breast had IDC & DCIS, my left breast was clear. I had a bilateral mastectomy with Tissue expander's. I would seek a 2nd opinion as far as the surgery is concerned, I really would be leery of a doctor that absolutely refuses to discuss options. A prophylactic mastectomy of the none cancer breast is not completely uncommon and it is a personal choice that doctors should honor if that is what the patient wants.
Best wishes
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Michelle- Thank you!
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Thepeddlerswife
I was just dx in June and we were all shocked!! I didnt look sick at all. My mom has been here everyday taking care of my kids and cooking and cleaning. I am so lucky to have my mom and your daughter is lucky to have you. In the beginning I was going crazy not knowing how far my cancer was but now that I know the details of my BC and that I have a treatment plan is so much better ...I too wanted both of my breasts removed but my surgeon was worried about infection and said lets take care of the infected breast and she is going to remove my right one when my treatment is over...I wish she would have done both at the same time.. I start chemo next week and I love knowing that my mom will be with me..Take care
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I echo what o2bhealthy said, get a second opionion or another dr, I was offered the choice and decided to to just the left breast, now i wish i would of had them both done. Im surprized at her dr for his response.
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Her Dr. kept stating that he has been doing this for 35 years. I have a problem with that because how do we know if he has kept up with current medicine? We are seeing another woman Dr. on Monday. Waiting is the hardest part. The other thing that bothers me is that when she asked him why this has happened to her his response was "you got the short straw". I didn't cry until that was said.
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Peddlerswife- I was just checking in and wondering how you and your daughter are doing. Did she like the new doctor better? I know how stressful the beginning is as you try to gather information and make decisions. Just wanted to say you're both in my thoughts.
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Thank you Kate, you are so kind! She did like the specialist and the oncologist. Now she is fighting with the Army insurance. They won't approve her seeing the specialists. They say the Army doctors can do the surgery. This just floors me. The specialist wants chemo first and then surgery. The Army doc just wanted to do the single mastectomy and then worry about chemo. He scheduled her for surgery without even a consult with an oncologist. She is working with her navigator to try and get this worked out. The port was supposed to be place this Tuesday so now that is on hold. I am going there this Sunday to stay until she is o.k. to be without me. Who knows how long that will be. Thank you for thinking of us. It means a lot!
Kim
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Kim- Both my DH and I lived the military life (both he and my ex were Air Force pilots) so can understand your frustrations. Not too many military doctors, I'm afraid to say, I'd want operating on me! Hope she can get it all worked out. Having to deal with insurance issues on top of everything else just adds insult to injury. So glad you will be there soon to help her. Times like this we really need our moms!
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Kim,
If the surgeon wanted to do chemo first, that means your daughter could have an aggressive form of breast cancer...I did. I was dx with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) in 2007, had 6 months of chemo, right MRM, and 33 rads. With IBC, you ALWAYS have chemo first because it is so very aggressive and you need to reduce the size of the tumor(s) with chemo in order to get clear margins for surgery. The tumors in IBC are usually not solid lumps, but are sheets or nests of tumors. See, there is a breast cancer that has no lumps, isn't found by a routine mammo, and probably is misdiagnosed by many doctors. Learn the signs and symptoms of IBC at the Inflammatory Breast Cancer Foundation website (www.eraseibc.com). There is a lot of really good info there. You can even listen to some of our radio shows on podcasts, watch several videos about IBC, and even find links that can help you. Just make sure that your daughter really has IDC and not IBC.
Your daughter is very lucky to have you with her. My Mom died 8 years before I was dx with IBC. I was lucky to have a good husband who was a tremendous help, but I would have loved to have had my Mom there.
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Debbie your comment means a lot as do. the other wonderful ladies comments . My 31 year daughter was diagnosed last week - grade 3 cancer Of the breast. We are so scared. She is going to start chemo in two days. I want to support her as best I can. She is so courageous and is having her hair shaved up front to donate it , I hope I match her courage. Bless you all thank yo
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hi warrarsmum, this is a pretty old thread yet still good info and shares. I am 36 and though my mom wants to be there and checks on me ALL the time....it’s not what I need. I know it is hard, I see the pain in my dads eyes. He watched his mom die of cancer with a weeks notice.
Just Go with the flow, listen. Ask her what she needs and then do it. I am 3 months in and all I wish was my floors were scrubbed and my kitchen capbnets would be cleaned. Emotionally I will be ok....the hardest part is knowing I can’t do everything I did before the surgeries started. I have beet cancer.....but I am exhausted and my house is a mess.
If she cries, cry with her. If she laughs, laugh. Everyone is different, just look at what she truly needs, not what you think she needs. And “need” is not always “look at the bright side” or “you will be just fine. Need is just doing the things people don’t think off, dinner...driving kids to school, filling the gas tank up....the normal stuff we take for granted.
Hugs!!!
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