If you can't say anything nice...

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mags20487
mags20487 Member Posts: 1,591
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

It is amazing what people say to you when you have cancer.  Someone just said to me that if it is in my lymph then I am a gonner....nice...I think that if you can't say anything nice (positive) then don't say anything at all.  I find out my lymph involvement on Tuesday and have had thoughts that have been negative along the way but it is MY right to think it not someone else's!  Thanks for letting me rant

Maggie--positivity will keep me HERE

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  • D4Hope
    D4Hope Member Posts: 352
    edited August 2011

    Paeople are ignorant at times. To tell you you are a goner, unbelievable and so not true. My hubbys aunt had breast cancer thirty years ago, many of her nodes were cancerous.. She is still alive and kicking.

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  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 3,761
    edited August 2011

    Agree with D4Hope...I had a micromet in my SN. I never thought about being a goner but admittedly I was stunned and upset...so was my BS. Anyway according to my ONC a micromet is treated like you have no lymph involvement however, had it been larger they would have had a different treatment plan that RADS. I really dont think people mean to be mean or stupid but sometimes it comes out that way. Still calling you a goner is a little over the top. You know and we know that isnt true. You are right that people should zip it if they cant say anything nice or positive. diane

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  • nowheregirl
    nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
    edited August 2011

              

    Don't waste your time on stupid people and don't ever let them get you down. Lymph node involvement is scary but not a death sentence. I did have it but I just celebrated my 6th cancerversary this past July and am still here cancer free, alive and kicking. Smile

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  • madpeacock
    madpeacock Member Posts: 369
    edited August 2011
    This made me laugh. My mother-in-law lives with us due to heart issues and also had breast cancer about ten years ago. I was climbing up on a stool to do something yesterday and she fussed at me for doing whatever it was "in my condition". I just looked at her and said, "I'm not pregnant!" Tongue out
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  • survivor11
    survivor11 Member Posts: 550
    edited August 2011

    Don't you just get sick of that. People just don't realize whats coming out of their mouths half the time. You are not a "gonner" if you have node involvment. I am not just a BC sister I am also a nurse and have watched women for the past 18 years with pos nodes, live long and healthy lives after their treatment. Unfortunantly with this dx comes alot of unwanted advice and comments. I know thats been the hardest part for me being the "cancer girl". Yes I have had bad days, days in the hospital, days when I couldn't even care for myself, but those are few in number and the rest of the time I have been my independent self, capable of doing almost all the things I did before my dx. It's hard for people to not lose you in the middle of a BC dx. It's up to you to show them that you are still you, that you are a fighter and that you intend of very much being a survivor. Good luck.

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  • Kay_G
    Kay_G Member Posts: 3,345
    edited August 2011

    Good luck with your results tomorrow.  You're right.  People can be so ignorant.  You are not a goner even if you have lymph node involvement.  At least, that's what my docs told me.  I have multiple lymph node involvement.  But hoping you don't.  Wish you could just push an ignore button kind of like the EASY button staples has for those ignorant people.  I think we've all experienced some of those comments.

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    My pathology report after the lumpectomy showed an unexpected positive lymph node.  Although that finding sent me to chemo and then rads instead of going to rads immediately, none of doctors thought I was a "goner" and neither do I.  Hang in there and I hope you get a node negative report.

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  • Letlet
    Letlet Member Posts: 1,053
    edited August 2011

    The lymph nodes caught the little suckers before they traveled elsewhere!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2011

    Yeah, I have to think (I hope!) that people just don't realize what's coming out of their mouths sometime.  I had someone tell me (right after I was diagnosed) that her mom died of BC 12 days after her diagnosis.  I said, "Well, looks like I have 4 days left then" ..or something to that effect. lol! 

    Good luck with the surgery tomorrow...and avoid stupid people. ;)

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited August 2011

    With all due respect, I have to disagree with your statement about "positivity."  There is a thread elsewhere called "The Be Positive Myth" and it doesn't really seem to make a difference on who remains cancer-free or not, or on who survives or not. 

    However, that being said, being positive does make the being here much more fun.  Who wants to be depressed all the time?  I am pretty positive, I just don't attribute any life-saving powers to it.  That's just me.

    I will definitely agree with you that people can be pretty tactless in their comments.  Someone who has no clue about the outcomes of breast cancer has no business being anything but encouraging, if they are a friend, that is.  While you probably can't get away with slapping anyone, you can always tell them, "Hey, thanks for killing me off prematurely.  You won't be too disappointed if I don't kick the bucket anytime soon, will you?"  Sometimes friends and family need a reality check.

    p.s.  LOL, madpeacock!

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited August 2011

    OMG...that's horrible!  People are stupid. There is a whole thread somewhere on here dedicated to the stupid things people have said to us BC gals.  Most of it is unbelievable.....this won't be the last time someone says something stupid that also is insensitive...trust me.  Chalk it up to stupid.

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