My mom, too

I will be echoing many other family members who have posted in this topic.  My mom is in the last weeks (months maybe?) of Stage 4 BC with mets.  I love her beyond measure and I'm so sad, but also feel an anger that I find I can't share with my dad or siblings.  Mom realized that something was wrong with her right breast 9 years ago and she did...nothing.  Just before Christmas 2009 she was very ill and my dad insisted she go to the emergency room.  Within 24 hrs., they were sending her home on hospice with an open BC wound and no hope of treatment or recovery.  None of us, including my dad, had a blessed clue that this was going on. My mom hates going to the doctor and said she didn't want to be a "patient."  Well guess what?  Instead of of us helping her through treatments and at least having a ray of hope, we've watched her slowly succumb to this horrible disease while her breast wound has become surreal and the cancer has spread to liver, lungs and bones. She's a patient in spades now (the hospice nurses are angels.)  My mom is the love of my dad's life (they will have been married 57 years if she lives until their September anniversary), and he and all of us take loving care of her, all the while knowing that it didn't have to be like this.  She CHOSE this path and she chose it for all of us, too. Not the cancer, of course, but not going to the doctor to see what was wrong with her breast nine years ago, let alone  having regular mammos.  It's so painful to watch both she and my dad go through this, and she's not eating much and sleeping a great deal, so I fear we're nearing the end.  I'm scared senseless that my dad will just fade away soon after we lose mom, though I understand that if that's his path, that's what he'll need to do (we're doing all we can to let him know that he is loved and needed).  At least one of my siblings or myself are with them every day, cooking yummy things, cleaning, giving mom and dad foot massages  for relaxation.  I'm very lucky that as a family, we can do this for them, and thankful that they raised us to be this way.  Also lucky to have had my mom in my life this long--my heart breaks for those of you who are losing your moms while you are still young.  On top of this, one of my brothers died suddenly at only 40 in February 2011, so our family is growing smaller at an alarming rate. 

 As others have said, thank you for letting me rant.  I will stop myself from writing volumes, though it would be easy to do and it feels better to get it out.  I had an anxiety attack while driving yesterday and had to pull over for 20 minutes--that's never happened before (I'm usually pretty cool-headed), and I realized that I needed to "talk" to people who understand.  Love and strength to everyone going through this, and I've never meant anything so sincerely!