Great saying about depression

Ladies: I am not on Tamoxifen due to a medical condition that makes it too risky for me---- but in that strange land of perimenopause where my period has been coming and going for the last year or so like a traveling salesman. My gyn said this could go on for decade!!!!! I am all for the bullet train thru this stage of life ,AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

But this is the first time I have been having other symptoms and these constant hot flashes. I cannot get to sleep and feel agitated around 12am when I usually get a slew of flashes. 3 am has been my new bedtime and I look like hell. Two people asked me if I was sick. "No just menopausal: want a punch?" Pasty white with rings under my eyes. Cover-up looks funky in the sun of the South---so the miracles of maybelline are leaving me flat.

KATE: thanks! I will ask my DR. if I can try the effexor or something else. I feel like a zombie--- and am definitely on the cranky side. Like constant PMS. Never been 'moody' before and feel like a teenager in the past 3 months! My sympathy to all young people in hormonal chaos as well as to all of us in the middle of the road! 

moogie- LMAO!!!  Yep, my poor sister's been doing the meno dance for a decade now.  I'm amazed she's as pleasant as she is.  I, on the other hand, have had episodes of raving bitchiness.  (I'm nominating my DH for sainthood.)  It doesn't help I have a teenager (DS) going through puberty right now.  Not sure who is more moody.  No, wait, it's me, definitely me.  I never had PMS so these mood swings are a new animal to me.  I feel like Regan in the Exorcist as times.  

Having always suffered from insomnia (fibro related) my GP is great for trying different drugs off label to help.  One thing I found that helped was Promethazine.  It's actually prescribed for nausea but works great for insomnia and it's cheap!  It makes you kind of groggy in the morning at first but that gets better.  It really helps get me in a deep sleep.

Great cake Kate!!!! Did you make that all by yourself???

Happy belated Stanzie!!!!!

Oh my gosh!!!! You all are so wonderful!!! and Kate - Wow amazing cake don't begin to understand how you make it.

Will write more tomorrow - But Thank you!!!!

very clever Kate - cyber take-out!

A belated Happy Birthday Stanzie!

Claire I am not in menopause...only for a couple of months starting with my last chemo. I got my period back about three or four months after i completed chemo. Ive been irregular but my drs think it has more to due with having so many surgeries than heading towards meno. THANK GOD. I do not want to be in meno eventhough it would make my onc very happy.

I only feel depressed on T. I stopped taking it for the last few weeks. I see my Onc on monday to discuss further but I feel great off of it and really dont want to go back. I HATE it!

Ugh back to work...have a great day! It is absolutely gorgeous here today...almost like fall. LOVE IT!

Diane

cmblastic:  Know that during the chemo, mx, recon phase my DH and I had sex maybe 3 times and it was awful.  Now that I am near the end of recon and more comfortable with my body, our sex life has returned.  It took a really long time to get here so hang in there!  Hugs!

MBJ - thanks for the hopeful future of once again having sex.  Wow, ever since I was diagnosed a 1 1/2 years ago and now with the DMX with recon it still hasn't happened.  Maybe it will get better once I have the revisiion and nipples made.  I sure don't make any moves toward my husband and he doesn't to me, but I think he doesn't because he thinks I don't want to.  And truthfully, right now I just don't care as I don't feel 100% about how I look.  \

It totally  still freaks me out when I brush against one of my breasts and  feel a cold nothing.....like who do these things belong to?  I know I can wear a pretty bra or a camisole while having sex but I think the problem is in my head - probably largely thanks to Femara.

Kate: I know how you feel about your DS starting his first day of high school.  Mine started his first day at university in February and I still have a difficult time realizing this strapping  6' 2"  hunky young man is my baby boy.  I sure couldn't of done this last 1 1/2 year without his love and support.

We are just finishing up winter here in Australia so I could do with some of your sun and warmth for these old bones.

MBJ YEAAAAAHHHHH Glad your appt went well. I was literally just sitting here stressing cause my onc appt is Monday I had my bloodwork done today.

We certainly missed you!! Hope you at least had some good days on your vacay

Di

justagirl- Aaah, winter sounds heavenly right now.  Guess we always want what we can't have, huh?  I know what you mean about the cold foob thing.  They sure don't warn you about that!  The fat grafting has helped a lot with that.  I mean they're still numb, but now they're warm and numb.  A small improvement but an improvement none the less.  I can't remember if you said whether or not they do fat grafting down there?  But I think, like you, so much of this is in my head.  I feel sometimes like I'm trapped in some weird version of the movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".  Like someone took my body and stuck me in this one.  The feeling's gotten better but it's always there, you know?  I just try to keep sharing with my DH what I'm feeling so he knows it's not him, it's me.  All I can say is he's incredibly patient and understanding.  

MBJ- Sorry about your nose but glad everything else checked out A-O-K!  We were worried when we hadn't heard from you in awhile.  Were you in a car accident?  I know it probably hurts like hell but glad it wasn't something even more serious.  Hope it heals quickly!!!   (((HUGS!!!!)))) 

Diane--Ooh I am so sorry! You are too young to be in menopause!! I was referring to the Tamox SE's--but you chosen to quit T? Frankly, I don't blame you, I can't stand the SE either. It's not for everyone, and I so believe there is QOL to be reckoned with. Good luck next week with your doc visit, mine is Tuesday. Never look forward to those.

MBJ-sorry to hear about your accident, and on vacation too, that sucks!! Wish you speedy recovery!!  But a good MO visit can almost balance that out. . . 

Kate and Debbie-- My 2 boys are starting their second year at HS and college. I was where you are last summer--I couldn't really enjoy it-I was 2months into chemo and my  BCDX. It was all a blur. I tried to make it about them, but I just wasn't the best mom back then. Now a whole year later, definitely in a better place but now its a routine for them--another day at school. We are driving my oldest up to Gainesville next week on my 50th no less. Good way to make that day disappear!!! 

Also, what kind of recon did y'all have? My Mo won't let me consider recon till a year after the end of my last rads--NEXT April. Seems like forever. I gather there is no feeling after recon--not much different than now, 6 months out from BMX and still have little to no feeling on the surgery site.  I guess you have to take the good with the bad with recon. I am very tired of looking at most of the clothes in my closet and knowing how horrible they look on a deflated chest. I want to look better in my clothes and feel better about how my husband looks at me---guess that is balanced against the lack of feeling. Cross that bridge NEXT year.

Starak--when was your surgery? I am 6 months out and its just recently that a lot of my swelling has subsided. Hence the dog flaps on the sides. My center was swollen kind of funky but it has gone down considerably. I didn't have skin sparing because of my tumor size so there is very little extra skin. If its only been a short time since your BMX, give it time for the tissue to go down. But I would still make an appt with my BS to see if your healing is normal.

On  another note, yesterday, my FIL got a pacemaker installed, my dad had a stress test--in his words-- he failed so he has to go in for a cath procedure today or tomorrow(he's 78 and a PC survivor, no HX of heart problems). And then DH comes home and says it blood work yesterday came back to say his triglycerides and LDL and HDL were all messed up and he has got yelled at for not taking better care of himself. All last year during my TX he was working at a project and was putting in 80hrs  a week for most of the year. And then there was my BC. All the stress finally caught up with him. SO ANYWAY, yesterday was heart day with the men in my life. Not the kind of distraction I want to go thru. . . .

Sorry for the blabbering. Putting off exercising. Got to get to it before it hits 100! 

Hey Clarie I didnt choose to quit I am taking a break. I felt like I was getting so fat due to the T and my onc refused to believe me so I took a break to lose the weight..prove my point and get back in a fitness routine then back on T. I hate it though. I was running with my dog every day even in this heat and seemed to be gaining and gaining and gaining. I have the body type that I can usually control my weight by diet and little exercise when I don't have time to properly work out. I cut my calories, been eating right, running a couple miles a day...and was gaining weight. So I told my onc I was going off to lose the weight, prove a point, and look good for my 45th bday in September. In three weeks I feel like its noticable that I have dropped weight without trying. I havent had time to work out; just eating right and I feel slimmer. My muffin top has almost gone. I see my onc on Monday and we will discuss further. I just really really really don't want to be on it anymore but I know I have to. I am ER+ 95% and PR+ 90%  no other choic really. I am just hoping that when I slow down at work I hit the gym hard and the weight will stay off when I go back on...am I rambling?? I am so tired today AND its so beautiful out today I don't want to be in the office.

OH AND Claire...my period was very irregular on T you are right, i think that contributed to my moodiness and depression. I got my period a week after stopping T. Bllaaaah Did I mention I hate it.

Did you all see the treatment breakthrough with CLL?? A very good friend of mine has CLL B and this new treatment uses your own body to attack and kill the cancer cells!! Its an amazing breakthrough in cancer treatment. One day hopefully NO MORE CHEMO!!  My friend is part of a research study at NIH and had her first meeting there yesterday and I am so curious as to how things went. The new treatment was on NBC news last night. Really amazing.

Have a great day all!!

Diane

Starak, it isn't heresay on this forum to LOVE being flat. There are many, many threads about it. Some of us just LOVE being flat and I'm one of them. You were the one that used the term 'skin sparing' mastectomy in your previous post. If that's what you had, that's what you get. They leave excess skin for a recon. The incision revision surgery isn't a biggy. I had to have one to get excess tissue off my left side. Get it done if you can. 15 months is too long to have to deal with it!!!!

barbe1958 - Thank you.  I have made an appt. with a PS for later this month.  I am gathering after the fact that this particular BS ALWAYS does skin sparing.  I did Google the term prior to the surgery.  I knew about and was prepared for the extra padding under the arms.  I never once saw a photo that even remotely looked like the center of my chest, not then nor since so I had no  reason to be alarmed. Little did I know.  At least 85-90% of the scar looks perfectly fine which considering many of the photos I did see I feel really fortunate.  It is only the middle that's the problem.  Thank you also for letting me know that there really are people out there who chose no reconstruction from the beginning.  Does that mean there are other no recon AND no prosthesis like me? The thought seems to shock alot of people but I have never once had anyone spin their head off in the grocery store.  I really don't think most people even notice.  I hope you are right that fixing it should be pretty minor.  Thank you!!

Stanzie:  Forgot to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Kate:  I was on vacation and on the first day had a boating accident: my face hitting a dock edge full force-30 stitches and a broken nose so I spent a total of two days flying, 3 days in the hospital (back and forth) and only had 3 days of vacation time where I couldn't participate in any activities because of my nose.   Anyway, I am still healing and not coming on line much.  Feeling a bit blue and quite exhausted from this.  Time is the healer, right?