After Radiation

granny ,i'm glad i'm not the only one that found those happy birthday ads strange!  skin almost back to normal-well normal for me, now if only i could get rid of the skin breakout from the tamox! good news its almost tuesday

funny enough just came back from walmart after buying antiacne face wash! now if only i had the energy of a teenager!

congrats Juanita on your 1yr cancerversary

congratulations  juanita

Congrats on your anniversary!

  So, now that radiaton is over.... what are we? I don't know what to say to people when they ask.  Am I a survivior?  I don't feel like one yet.  Am I cured?  Don't feel that either.  Am I in remission?  That means it's coming back.  Honestly, I still feel like a breast cancer patient.  No hair, half a burned breast, and still feel like burying my head in my hands and crying sometimes.  I'm confused

mammalou it is normal what you are feeling, for me the better I have felt physically the better I have felt mentally.  I ended up with permanant nerve damage and was in alot of pain for quit a while and thought I was going crazy.  but once I got the pain under control and my body started feeling good again I now feel like my old self.  Just have pains every now and then but because it is not constant I can deal with it much better.

Almost 5 months for me since surgery ..............honestly........I felt better before then i do now..........oh I'm not talking about the horrible news, the waiting for answers, and all that other shit..........just the surgery, Rads, and all that crap........................while that was going on I felt fine............now almost 2 months after Rads I feel like someone beat the shit out of me.................I tire easily.........boob is still swollen, arm is partically numb, of course I have LE, and someone wants to sing "happty birthday" to me...............

Here we have a commercial for one of the hospitals..............it shows a Dr.looking at an ultrasound, and the voice says............"the last words you want to hear"....."this could be cancer", and then they stop...............advertise for the hospital, and they someone says ..........."or it could be nothing"............the woman is standing smiling, and so is the Dr...............I thought "bullshit"..............I can show you a website with several thousand women who were not told  "its nolthing"........................oh well, guess I'm just having a bad day today........................and as far as "happy birthday" songs go.................do we really know......how many more Happy  Birthdays's will be sung to us..............screw the birthday crap..........you want to do something """FIND A FRIGGIN CURE".........oK, WHERES THE VODKA..........................

Ducky, You made me laugh, as far as the birthday ad, if those singers gave ALL their pay to cancer research, then I can be behind whatever they think up.  I don't think anyone knows what we go thru, unless they experience BC. The writers of such ads should be BC survivors.

Most of my SE's are gone, except minor issues, like my boob being sore and full of scar tissue, I itch all over my chest and abdomen, but my worst SE is living everyday, wondering how I can reduce recurrence.  I can't get it out of my head.  I go to sleep every night thinking about it, whenever I cook a meal or eat out, I think about it, I take a shower, I think about it.  Shit....this is my life, BC Survivor.

stage 1 - With time and much more healing, those thoughts are less and less.  They will never go away completely.  As the doctor appts and tests get further apart, we being to pick up the pieces of our lives and move on.  Those thoughts do not overwhelm you or control you.  I am almost a year out from surgery and I find I don't dwell on this stuff as much as I used to.  With the love and support of all the ladies here, I am able to go back to doing the things I did before this "bump" in the road.

Tomorrow is a year and two months since surgery.  I finished rads in September.  My breast is still dense but the nerve damage pain is mild for me.  The Surgeon says the pain may not go but the density should fade over the next year or two.  Still itches.  I know I've had it easier than a lot of you but it is still a reminder, a trigger of the fear and depression.  We will all have that concern in our hearts--will it come back?  I just know I will do what I can to keep it away and do my best to enjoy each day as it comes. 

When I was a teen, my father endured constant pain for several years that was probably as bad as any of us have had.  He taught me that now matter how miserable you are or how much pain you are in if you look you will find joy in every day.  That is what I try to do.

Ladies...............your all so wonderful..............Not that I want someone in this "cancer boat" with me, but it is so comforting to know that when your really down about this whole ugly disease, you can find someone to lift you up right here.......................Its just all so depressing sometimes........guess its just one of those days ................again.......................

ducky - What a sweet child.  Don't you wish the world was filled with more people like him?  That has got to make you feel really proud.