July 2011 rads

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  • pejkug3
    pejkug3 Member Posts: 902
    edited August 2011

    Ugh.  I took off my nightshirt this morning and my nipple skin came along with it!  YEOUCH!

    So now I have blistering or open areas under my arm, under my breast and my poor nipple is raw.  I did so well in the beginning - I was barely even pink!  I feel kinda blindsided...

    I only have boosts left - 5 of them.  I was surprised at how large the boost area is.  It covers basically the entire left side of my breast.  I really wasn't expecting that since my tumor was only 0.5cm.

    I'm discouraged tonight.  The RO warned me that things will get worse before they get better.  Fabulous!

    To top it off, it seems that I have gained TEN pounds this week.  Major water retention I would guess.  But I have been eating crap...

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Hey lena

    when this is over - or this part I should say - how about a celebration in old town

    at the oldest resturant raw bar cant remember the name, but had a great meal with my son

    when checking out colleges a couple of years ago - loved the city.. think I walked the whole thing- and your invited to florida anytime..

    Linda 

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  • leftfootforward
    leftfootforward Member Posts: 1,726
    edited August 2011

    Hugs to lindajanette, lena and pejkug3.

    lindajanette- I hope things get better soon. This whole process sucks and it is ok to feel that way somedays.  It is great to be optimistic and cheery, but the reality is Cancer sucks.  You have to allow yourself to have the down days. We all have them. I took my first Ativan in as long as I can remember last night. I just came down with a UTI (my second in my whole life). That was it for me.  I didn't have it in me to deal with one more thing so I took the Ativan to relax. Today is better. Of course I can deal with the UTI on top of everything, but I certainly didn't want to have to.

    pejkug3- sorry about the nipple. I can only imagine what it must be like, as I had a BMX and don't have any breast tissue or nipples.

    Lena- I hope you feel better soon.

    May tomorrow be a better day for you all. 

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Hdy Pejkug3 

    Thanks for saying all of that same thing going on with me including the 10 lbs.- and I am feeling so guilty about my eating habits this week - and my nipple is a color I dont think Ive ever seen before

    My husband is chasing me around the house asking me whats wrong "cant you guess ?" and I just have to let it out to someone besides him-he feels like or makes me feel like it's been 10 weeks or more since this began "this episode anyway" and you should be getting better already, news to him and me the next 3 - 4 weeks are probably going to be harder than the first 4- I have always been the strong one 

    taking care of everyones problems no matter what i am going thru-- I just pray to God for extra strength this week- I am using this forum for my strength and my only lifeline -

    I promise that Mondays post will be positive and will try to be uplifting -right now need to let this out................... 

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    thanks for your kind word Yorelh

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Yorelh 

    Thanks for your words and cancer does suck..

    my email is lindarealtyplus@aol.com please keep in touch and could I know your name??

    only if you want - I dont even write on facebook , normally hate the internet but this is saving me.. 

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    LindaJanette:  Please don't feel bad about feeling sad.  We are schedule partners and we will finish rads on the same day, but we both have to accept the fact the our old world is gone and grieve for it. We may be relatively lucky, but the really lucky people do not get cancer at all.  I just hope this new world we have been thrown into against our will may someday bring unique gifts of its own.  Until then, mope, whine, stay in bed, do whatever you need to get through each day.  A while back I read somewhere on this site, "You don't have to be brave. You just have to show up."  So you and I will both show up for our rads tomorrow and hope the treatments will allow us to have a long and happy life.  Hang in there, schedule buddy.  You are loved.

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  • pejkug3
    pejkug3 Member Posts: 902
    edited August 2011

    <<LINDAJ>>

    I'll be positive along side you tomorrow.  But for tonight, I'm bummed out.  I have a friend who has been a wound care nurse for many years and she said that the open area under my arm could take months to heal.  Not that it's gaping open or anything - just that irradiated skin doesn't like to heal.  She recommended Silvasorb Gel.  I've been using it but not as often as I probably should.  The Aquaphor just feels better and prevents the skin from sticking to my clothes.

    Oh, and on Friday my radiation clinic *finally* offered me some skin care regimen.  The tech (who I don't like anyhow) went to hand me a sample tube of Aquaphor and was surprised that no one had given me anything from the beginning.  I told her to keep the sample.  I was fine on my own.  Grrr....  Was it grumpy of me to do that?  Yes.  It just came out and I was walking away before I even realized it.  I told her I wouldn't use anything with lanolin in it.  Why did I say that?  No clue.  I was feeling overwhelmed and I was mad because they had offered me no skin support before 5 1/2 WEEKS into a 6 1/2 week treatment plan.  I mean, c'mon!  I am DONE with the whole breast treatment...

    *sigh*

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Thanks Liz thanks Kristy-honestly we will all go tomorrow and then it will be 21 down. It's late and I needed you guys tonight -- thanks so much - you guys dont sound grrr grumpy and now my aniexty attack is at bay,  thank you, thank you, thank you...

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    pejkug3:  So sorry for your skin problems.  I hope your skin heals faster than you think it will.  The rads staff at my place are stingy with their creams, too.  Four weeks into treatment and all they have given me is one tube of Aspercreme.  They told me I would not have to buy anything on my own, but I have already bought several different creams, thank goodness.

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  • BetsyR
    BetsyR Member Posts: 10
    edited August 2011

    Interesting to see posts about weight gain.  I tried to be careful what I ate the first few weeks and steadily gained a pound or two a week.  Then said screw it and have been eating whatever the heck I want and have gained just a bit more.  Maybe our bodies are shocked into going into conservation mode and becoming super efficient at burning calories :(

    Anybody else having general muscle aches and stiffness, especially in the legs?  I'm not necessarily fatigued, but I feel like I'm 100 years old when I get up from a chair after sitting for a while. Maybe it's because I quit working out and am just taking short walks to avoid skin friction.

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Hi Girls, Special thanks to Liz, Yourelh, and Pegkug for helping me make it

     through  sappy sunday and manic Monday 21 / 33

    Last nights meltdown needed to come out..cryed for a while (ok a little more than a while) and Im back today

    Itcy, sore and blisterd as I am.. I up to being postive for anyone who needs it tonight.

    Hows the underarm today I wish I could tell you some magic cream to use, I think the answer will come as soon as rads are done.. so sorry you have that-it's in such a bad place every move probably effects it.. 

    Christy hows the nipple today?? 

    BetsyR - I dont know if you saw an earlier post that I made -where right after my surgeries

    I was eating all this fabulous healthy and antioxident rich foods - Then my RO said dont go overboard on the antioxidents becase they stop free radicals and thats what rads does puts in the free radicals- I took this as carte blache to start eating anything and everything I wanted- on the other hand do have some nausea at least a few times a day so Im grateful at least I have breaks in wanting to eat..I was really proud that from my mamogram in May until 3 weeks ago I had lost 19 lbs- well needless to say just about 10 have crept back.. 

    Maybe we can all help each other with motivation as the rads winds down and real life starts up again.

    Bucky they are sending me to a Physical Therapist on Wed. to test for LE and try to get some motion back (thanks for all of your advice).

    Liz how was your day? (thanks again for last nights words)

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  • LovesChristmas-Barb
    LovesChristmas-Barb Member Posts: 706
    edited August 2011

    I'm glad you're feeling better today LindaJanette. My first few weeks of rads I would cry every Sunday and/or Monday. I'm sore, peeling, and all that stuff too. My RO is giving me a break before my boosts begin so I still have another week before I have to go back and do 8 of those.

    I hope things get better for you...

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  • PSU222
    PSU222 Member Posts: 127
    edited August 2011

    Hello Ladies,

    Just now catching up on everyone's posts and I can honestly say that I am in good company.  I have spent many days crying over anything.  It doesn't take much to set me off lately.   I am so looking forward to putting these past 6 months behind me.

    My chest continues to be sore and oddly enough Gold Bond Medicated powder seems to help me the most.

    pejkug3**  You are not grumpy.  I would have said the same exact thing.  I have lost all my patience and I don't give a damn anymore!!  I just want to be normal again with hair. 

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    Hi LindaJanette:  Glad you are doing better today.  Thank goodness bad days do pass.

    I am feeling sad tonight.  There is an American Cancer Society lady who comes to the rads center periodically.  She is overly perky and gets on my nerves.  She accosted me before my first appointment with the RO last month and I could not get her to stop talking.  Today I went for treatment #21.  I undressed the top half, put on the johnny, and was sitting in the women's waiting room before rads.  The ACS lady popped into the waiting room chipper as ever and started to deliver her same speech like she had never seen me before.  Again, I could not get her to leave until I was rude to her.  I think accosting someone while they are wearing a johnny minutes before rads is just wrong.

    Also, I have just started losing my eyebrows more than 8 weeks after chemo.  For some reason, this upsets me more than all the other hair loss. 

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  • kshav6
    kshav6 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2011

    @LindaJanette - So sorry to hear about your Sunday.  Don't be hard on yourself for your body just saying NO MORE!  You have to take care of yourself and if that means letting your body rest in bed then that is what you do.  I have to lie around for two days (usually Friday and Saturday) in order to get my energy up to start a new week.  This past week not even that worked.  Yesterday I was supposed to be up and working and I could not bring myself to do anything.  I went to bed early and just went to sleep.  It is not just a mental thing that we are gong through.  This is truely a physical thing that wears on you too!

    @Lena -Same for you :)  Let your body rest.  The world won't end if we all take care of ourselves for a while :)

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  • ked329
    ked329 Member Posts: 13
    edited August 2011

    @pejkug3 -- I'm in pretty much the same boat.  Skin looks awful, nipple is raw, and I start my boosts tomorrow.  Since the site is right near my nipple, I'm also being told that things are going to get worse before they get better.  I've also gained weight.  So, I'm pretty bummed, too, but I'll be thinking of you as we do our boosts and try to just focus each day on the fact that we're getting closer to the end. I can't believe they didn't offer you any skin care support till you're almost done. Grrrr indeed!  Makes me really mad on your behalf!  Take care.

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  • kshav6
    kshav6 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2011

    pejkug3 - I would have said the same thing too.. I still have not been offered any creams etc. Only when I got a little pinter and complained of nipple pain and itching did they recommend that I go get creams.. Other than that these people tell me nothing and offer nothing.  If it were not for this site, I would not know anything about anything lol.

     LindaJanette - Hope the beginnng of this week is better for you, because it will probably cycle around again by Sunday (at least that is what I find happens to me).  Just know it is par for the course and don't be hard on yor self about it :).

     Today is my LAST DAY - Last boost will be overwith in a little over an hour then no more!  Yeahhhh!

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    kshav6:  Congratulations!  I am so happy that today is your last day.  Good luck post rads.

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    I actually had a good meeting with the RO this morning.  Sometimes people surprise you.  I hope everyone is having a good day.

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  • ked329
    ked329 Member Posts: 13
    edited August 2011

    kshav6 -- congratulations on finishing!  Such great news.  Hope you can celebrate a little!

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  • LindaJanette
    LindaJanette Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Yeah to Kshav6 It is inspiring that your finished.. I hope you are celbrating tonight...Congratulations...

    Liz sorry about that lady acosting you - I cant stand it when they bother you before treatment lately this ladies husband has been coming in to the gowned womans area with his wife- I am really uncomfortable with that and the other woman around my time slot have stopped converging in this area.

    I think they might be moving there times - I wanted to say something but he said how scared his wife was and I just couldnt so now Im the unwitting confidant to someone I really dont want to be talking to at a time when I want to be with just woman..I just am trying to remember how scared I have been..

    Back to point Liz I think you should speak to your techs and tell them how you feel- I think that time should be yours to focus how you can best get through your treatment. I am also sorry for your eyebrow loss (really sorry, all of these things effect how we feel as woman isnt having cancer enough)

    Skin very sore -mostly when I move - Saw rad doc today - I am doing PE tommorrow and treatment but she is giving me Thursday and Friday off to let my skin have a short break-back on monday ,boosts will start next Thur. 

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  • kshav6
    kshav6 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2011

    Thanks for the congrats ladies.  I will be celebrating tomorrow when I do not have to go to another appointment :).  It was nice today, the tech ladies gave me a graduation certificate which is now hanging on my refrigerator lol.  I saw the RO today and he said I actually looked really good.  He told me that usually women with larger breasts have more of a reaction than I had.  That was good news.  The only discomfort I have is the nipple.  I got tender almost from the first treatment and it has stayed tender the whole time.  It is swollen and itchy now.  The other part of my breast that did not get the boosts is already starting to lighten up and is not near as red as it was, although I can still see exactly where the radiation was hitting.  I was also told today that when you have the frationated treatments the double dose tends to make you more tired.. Funny how they tell me all this stuff AFTER treatments :)

    They also gave me an evaluation form to fill out and mail back to them. 

    For anyone having to take rads I would personally recommend going the fractionated route.  The people there kept asking me how I "got to" do that kind of treatment.  The way I "got to" do it was becuase I asked about it.  I did research when I was first diagnosed, and asked about it and the brachytherapy treatment.  I would have been doing the 33 treatments plus boosts had I not asked.  So, if any of you ladies know anyone else just starting their BC journey this is an option that not everyone knows about.

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    What a sad, no-win situation about the woman's husband who stays with his nervous wife.  My mammography center has a general waiting room where anybody can be with you and also a smaller waiting room that is off limits to everyone except women.  I always thought that was a good idea.

    I did talk to the techs about being accosted by the ACS lady.  They knew nothing about her.  One of the problems with my rad center is that no one seems to communicate there.  I will try to talk to the rad nurse.

    LindaJanette:  I am sorry your skin is so sore.  Are you having a problem with itching like me?  Soon it will be over for both of us. 

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  • LeeLee3
    LeeLee3 Member Posts: 40
    edited August 2011

    @kshav6 - Congratulations on finishing Rads!!!  Yeah, funny how they're full of helpful info after the fact... maybe it has something to do with the evaluation form - they want your most recent thoughts/feelings to be good ones - LOL!!  Celebrate!!

     How does the boost differ from the regular rad treatment, if at all (position, length of time, etc.)?  I keep forgetting to ask the RO or rad team this.  I have my 28th rad treatment on Thursday and am scheduled to have my first boost on Friday.

    Blessings to All! 

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  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    17/33 today. In spite of my continued use of Jeans cream, The Chest started feeling itchy yesterday, so they gave me cortisone cream after yesterday's treatment. It helps. Over the weekend cold now, but still walloped by fatigue, so NOW I'm pointing fingers at the rads for that! I'm sure tomorrow's surgery isn't going to improve that any. :-P

    pejkug I was horrified to read about that taking off your nightshirt and losing skin business! :-O OMG!!!!

    Wow kshav it must be nice to be done. I wish I was you! LOL Ummmm, I thought getting a few rads a day over a period of however many weeks, such as my 28 plus 5 boosts, WAS "fractionated" radiation treatment. Isn't each daily zapping a fraction of the total dose you end up with? 

    LindaJanette: Positive shmositive. You go on and be upset if you need it, and I'd say it's justified. I hope you pull out of it of course, but just because I'd like to see YOU feel better for YOU, not because you think you have to put on the phony smile face for others. You don't, y'know.

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  • GiGiL
    GiGiL Member Posts: 928
    edited August 2011

    Halfway through rads as of today.  LindaJanette, I have a meltdown at least once a week.  It just comes on without any warning, and suddenly everyone and everything is on my last nerve.  Last week my mother made the mistake of being hypercritical of my husband, and that set off a reaction from me that was completely unexpected.  After my diagnosis, I lost 19 lbs as well, but 5 have creeped back on.  I was so stressed out at first, and vowed never to eat anything that had been linked with breast cancer again!  I followed a pretty strict vegan diet for a couple of months.  Now, I am eating more chicken, fish and sometimes beef.  I cut dairy out completely, but have since let yogurt back into my life (thank goodness).  Yogurt is my mainstay when nothing else appeals to me.  

    Kshav congratulations on being finished.  I can't wait for that day to come.   Elizabeth1889 you are so right.  I am showing up every day, even though some days it is not so easy to do that.  Tonight having some digestive issues.  I am hoping it is related to the huge serving of cherries I ate before dinner and not to anything else.  I need to be in shape for tomorrow's treatment!

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  • pejkug3
    pejkug3 Member Posts: 902
    edited August 2011

    30/33 treatments done.

    I'm crabby, sore and in a generally foul mood.  I have open areas under my arm (1/2"wide X 3" long) and an open area under my breast (1/2" wide by 2 1/2" long but looks like it will spread over time and 2/3rd of my nipple was taken off with my nightshirt on Sunday morning. 

    I am definitely discouraged and in a grumpy mood.  I'm staying up on my creams and lotions but nothing is really helping for long.

    ::growl::

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  • GiGiL
    GiGiL Member Posts: 928
    edited August 2011

    pejkug3 that sounds completely miserable.  Looks like you are almost done.  I know it is going to be such a relief to you to be done with this.  I have noticed the scar from my lumpectomy is starting to have some very dry skin along it.  I hope when you have had your three more treatments, you heal quickly and can put all of this in the past.  Hang on, you are on the home stretch!

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  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 1,036
    edited August 2011

    pejkug3:  Ouch!  I feel so bad for you.  You have the right to be in a grumpy mood.  I hope the healing will begin quickly once rads is done.  Until then, be as grouchy as you want.

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