Finding it hard to connect with others who have NOT had cancer.

I have experienced a little of what you are describing. My two best friends have been very supportive but still it is hard for someone who doesnt have IT to identify with what you are going through. I find myself being defensive sometimes because I still have breast pain or burning from radiation or even more important the fear factor of it coming back. I think a group like VJSL8 suggested is a good idea. They have a group here that meets in Baptist Hospital every Tuesday night. Baptist is where I had my surgery and where my radiation was done. Havent gone yet. Frankly it is so blessed hot here - I know everywhere - that it is all I can do to get my errands and appts done. People do for the most part care but I think they just shy away from and are even afraid of breast cancer just like we are only they dont have it and we do. Somehow they may believe being away from people who have it means they wont get it or at least they wont hear about it. I know the people I can talk about this with...It is hard though because I know how I would be if the situation was reversed. Now people will ask how you are and sometimes not even wait to hear your answer or are too afraid to hear it. Its a shame...diane

Dear cancersucks - I am very glad that you have started this thread.  This has become the story of my life, lately.  Many of my so called "friends" and my "family" and believe it or not even my "siblings", oh my God, don't even talk to me anymore.  My son recently got married here in Calif.  My mom who lives in New Zealand told me that my brothers and sisters were all coming to the wedding, however, that they were mainly coming to see me since I had just finished treatment for this horrible disease. 

When they came, their behaviour around me was astonishing.  There was no love or support from them, no compassion, no soothing words, no nothing.  Everyone was so self-absorbed into themselve, their looks.  While they knew that I was wearing a wig, they continuously commented on each other's hair and looks right in front of me, and the obsession with themselves and their friends, right in front of me was unbelievable, not realizing that I used to be a part of their conversations about looks etc. prior to this.  Another co-worker who used to admire me, love me, and was a great friend, stopped emailing me, talking to me, calling me, the moment I told her I had been through this experience.  My family who acted this way with me then went back home, and posted pictures of themselves and the rest of the family with whom they had gone places and enjoyed their time with each other.  I was completely left out of their experiences, their vacation here, which in no way, shape or form reflected my mother's idea that they were here for me, no way. When I told my mother how I felt towards my siblings, she defended them with a vengence and told me that they were really feeling sorry for me, compassion etc.  Once they were all back home, my young nieces never even once communicated with me, they have completely stopped talking to me.  I thought that close friends and family should be there for you, no matter what, even if we have temper tantrums, or are acting out, or whatever at this time, they should understand.  I thought I had a family like that, but boy, was I wrong.  I even had verbalized with them and told them that I do have my ups and downs, emotionally.  Wow!  I am just really hurt and I don't think I will ever be able to go back to normal and accept these people in my life again, not even my siblings.  I have to start living a life with a new reality, which is, one is all alone in this world and at these recent times, you can't even count your mother as your own.  The world surely has changed for me.

There is a stigma connected with this disease, I think.  For me, I think the disease is horrible, however, the lack of compassion by all around is even worse.  Thanks for hearing me out, and sorry for my negative outlook at this time in my life.

Cancersucks: All the hospitals around me have cancer support groups and my hospital actually breaks off into a breast cancer support group within the main group. So I would check into that first....... Also just google "breast cancer support group" with you city or a larger city nearby and see what you get. I also found a breast cancer support group in my area that raises money to help women w their medical expenses or tests if they don't have insurnace. So that is a neat group and I found lots of support there! Good luck!

Lovelyface: I am so sorry that your friends and especially your family has not been there and has been downright mean! Your family has probably always been that way and you just never noticed because you weren't in a position to need their compassion. I found for myself some friends who blew me off because they just couldn't handle my illness....really it is their loss! I hope that you can find/make some new friends who will be supportive and compassionate with you no matter what. Hang in there!