newly diagnosed with DCIS

Hi dancer,

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I'm posting because your story is very similar to mine, including the emotional roller coaster.  I completely feel your pain.  As bad as it seems, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.  Good days, and bad days.  My journey started about 8 months ago when I felt a lump.  I have no family history of any kind of cancer, but thought I better get it checked out.  Mammogram, ultrasound, vacuum core biopsy, and a diagnosis of DCIS.  I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my life.  Mornings were the hardest, because every morning I would wake up thinking I had a bad dream, but then realizing it was my life, and I wasn't going to wake up from it.  Some days I would have the courage to do some research, and some days I would not.  I would always feel better after coming to these boards though.

My second opinion said ADH, which sent me into another tailspin.  However, my MRI showed mircroscopic spots that might be something else.  Because of my small breasts (that I thought would never be able to get cancer because of their small size), they recommended mastectomy.  If I wanted immediate reconstruction I would have to wait 3 months for the PS and surgeon to coordinate, or I could have a mastectomy alone in 2 weeks.  I wasn't ready to go in 2 weeks, and I liked the idea of immediate reconstruction, so I opted for that.  The wait was really hard though.  As much as I tried to focus on enjoying my time with my family, I was really distracted and depressed a lot of the time.  I have a great support network, and I can't complain at all, but it is so hard to digest everything.  It takes time.

I am now 6 weeks post uni mast and immediate DIEP reconstruction.  I have healed well, with no complications.  The recovery from the DIEP was hard, but now that I am well on the other side, I feel great.  My new breast is much perkier and bigger than my existing breast, which poses its own challenges.  The bad news is that there was a 3.2 cm IDC tumor hiding behind the DCIS.  I still don't understand how none of the diagnostics picked up on it.  The doctors can't tell me whether it was there all along, or whether it grew there in the 3 months that I waited for my surgery.  But, when you have IDC, there is no time to question why.  I am now booked with an oncologist to determine whether or not I will get chemo and/or radiation.  I will for sure get Tamoxifen.  My grade 3 tumor says chemo all over it, but I got the oncotype DX test, and my score was 10, so the docs are still scratching their heads over how to proceed.

As I am re-reading my post, I realize that it sounds like a horror story, but it isn't.  As horrible as this journey has been, I have learned how strong I am, and how kind people are.  Good friends and aquaintences alike have shown me support that I never would have imagined.  This is something that I will never take for granted again.  After I was dxed with IDC I thought I was going to die.  I came straight back to the boards and read stories of women who had a similar diagnosis to mine, and realized that they were surviving, and I could too.  It was a hard 2 weeks, lots of tears, anger, etc.  But I came out of it ready to fight.  And I don't wake up wishing my life was a dream anymore.  I'm back to being me, with a new set of much more relevant priorities.

I'm crossing my fingers for you, and sending lots of hugs.