My mom

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nicmid
nicmid Member Posts: 4
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

I've had a pretty rough week.  My mom was diagnosed with ILC on Thursday and on Friday another close family member was diagnosed with testicular cancer.  I seem to be surrounded with this disease and I'm not sure how to feel.  RIght now I don't feel.

 My mom is an amazing woman who never hurt a fly and now has to fight this fight and I am really really angry.  I don't understand how this disease chooses who it picks or why it picks them, but I'm really, really angry.

Things seem to be happening really quickly.  She has an MRI booked for Wednesday and then an appointment the week after with the surgeon.  Her breast specialist is predicting neo adjuvent chemo before a full mastectomy. What is neo adjuvent chemo?  Does this seem like a likely treatment plan?  They say it is a 2cm lesion and her last mamo was just a year ago.  She had pre-pre (doctors words) cancerous tissue remeoved about 10 years ago from another part of the same breast and they think that there might be some cancer there too (will double check with the MRI).

How do I support my mom through this?  I'm the only daughter.  I think I'm next.  My dad is not physically able to be with her at appointments.  I'm about to start a big new job on Tuesday.  My aunt went with her for the results but it is her son that has was diagonised with the testicular cancer on Friday.  We have no other family.  How do I do this and stay strong for her?  I'm so scared.  

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  • Gottobme
    Gottobme Member Posts: 107
    edited August 2011

    Hi nicmid,  I am an only daughter with 3 brothers but it's me who looks out for our mom in many ways.  It's very difficult knowing a loved one has to go through the many challenges fighting cancer brings.  We can't make it all better with a hug, an ear to listen with or, a small task to help in some way.  But those things make it easier for our loved one to handle their diagnosis and or treatment. 

    The little things will help your mom alot.  There is a thread here and maybe someone can help with this where, I believe a husband asked how he could help his wife through chemo.  There were many helpful suggestions that would apply to recovery after surgery too.  We can't make it go away but practical support helps on so many levels.  And, listening I mean just listening can do so much to help too.  Even reading a paper or magazine to your mom if that's what she wants may help as well. 

    One of the most important things you can do for her, is to look after yourself.  Rest, take time for you.  It's ok to be angry, sad but, it's also ok to laugh too.  Find something to make your mom  and you smile. Medicine from the heart gives and just keeps giving.

    Break everything down into segments by writing things on paper such as to do lists, appts, shopping ext.  Does she have any friends she would like to have come and visit with her that you could call.  Could you pay bills for her, that kind of thing.   

    Hugs   

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  • nicmid
    nicmid Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2011

    Thanks so much for the advice Gottobme.  Things are becoming more real every day and we are laughing.  I think that is really important and it's what we do.  Mom had her appointment with the surgeon on Monday and she will have surgery in the beginning of September and chemo after that and then maybe radiation.  I wish it was me and not her.  I wish I could go through it for her.  

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  • Beaglesgirl
    Beaglesgirl Member Posts: 287
    edited August 2011

    Nicmid, I am so sorry for the cards your family has ben delt. I was in your spot both with my mom and then years later with my dad. Above all I second the advice of take care of you so that you can be in top nop notch for anything that comes your moms way-- she will need your strength and clear headedness.



    Take notes at all dr appts. Send the notebook with whomever accompanies her if you can't. She won't remember everything. Also write questions in it for the dr that she or you have and go thru the list with the doc.



    Don't hesitate to call back if something doesn't make sense, remember these doctors work for HER.



    Read on this website for more info. There is a wealth of info and wisdom from amazing people here.



    Blessings

    Laura

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