Spousal Support Thread

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HansieDZ
HansieDZ Member Posts: 115
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi everyone!

I think I am finally in the right forum for this thread as I have been searching for a place for spouses to come to for information and support.

To all the ladies fighting this disease: strength and well wishes for you and those who love you. It's not an easy battle but nothing worthwhile ever is. May you find joy in every moment and peace when you most need it.

I am in a unique position of being a woman with a husband diagnosed with breast cancer. I know there are many loving and supportive husbands of women who post throughout these wonderful forums and I would love a place where we could all come to share and support our spouses going through their ordeals. Being a caregiver is a special calling and anything we can do to help one another and our spouses would be a good thing.

Ladies who are battling: if you could, please post things that you have found helpful that folks have done for you (spouses,friends,special others) or things you WISH that folks would help you with so that we may help you on your journey to health.

Strength to all of us who fight this battle with and for you!

:)Jennifer

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  • steelrose
    steelrose Member Posts: 3,798
    edited June 2011

    Bumped for Jennifer and Haljean...

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  • Haljen
    Haljen Member Posts: 45
    edited June 2011

    Hi Jennifer! My name is Jennifer and my husband was diagnosed in Feb. Steelrose was a doll to bump your thread for me! (Thank you!) I think we can most definitely help each other through this. I typed you a long private message the other day and the site went down for maintenance when I sent it. (Argh) I saw your husband is having surgery at the end of this month! I have lots to share if you have any questions. He just started chemo last week and boy is it a roller coaster! The women on this site have been so fantastic so far! I can't thank them enough times. He just sent me a sweet text message today while I was at work! What a life changing experience! Hal is 36 years old and we have no kids, married for 7 years now and this is just bringing us even closer. My heart breaks for him and all others in this situation, I am so grateful to have such a great place to come and relate with others!

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  • Haljen
    Haljen Member Posts: 45
    edited August 2011

    Hi Jennifer, I hope your husbands recovery is going well and he is feeling good.



    Hal has his last chemo treatment next Wednesday and I saw that your husband will be taking the same "cocktail" as Hal. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. I usually check the boards once a day. How are you guys holding up. Well I hope. Hal has been working through chemo, just has to take a few days off each round to recoup. Each session seems to give him more fatigue. We have managed his meds so that other SE's are lessened but each round is different.



    Thinking of you!

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  • Ang7
    Ang7 Member Posts: 1,261
    edited August 2011

    Hi ladies~

    Just some ideas of thoughtful things people did for me...

    Neighbors made me a basket of my favorite things (tea, blanket you warm in the microwave, magazines etc.)  Maybe someone could make one with things that your husband likes?

    Maybe helping around the house?  The neighbor walked my dog when I had chemo and it was so helpful as I was so tired most of the time.

    Really listened to me.  It was nice that my siblings actually asked what exactly I needed and when it was just to vent they gave me that option.  Not everyone will...

    Good thoughts are being sent to you and your husbands.

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  • Sousek
    Sousek Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2011

    Hi Jennifer!  My wife was diagnosed with IBC Stage IIB, Grade III, a year ago June.  It's been one scarry ride for both of us but 14 months later I can say she's a survivor!  If someone would have told me a year ago, just a mere 14 months ago, that our lives were about to be turned upside down, I would have said they were crazy.  Everything in our lives was perfect! 

    I made a vow to my wife years ago... to love honor and cherish... in sickness and in health.  We've been living the health side of that vow for many years.  Health is the easy part.  Sickness... I had no idea how our lives would unravel in the months to come.  Suddenly, I had to make sense of a disease that I've only heard of but never personally  affected by it.  I had to learn as much as I could, as quickly as possible.  Learn the good as well as be realistic and learn the bad. 

    The months to come brought challenges I never imagined we'd have to face.  I've had no formal medical training.  I'm not a doctor or a nurse.  Yet I learned to help her change dressings and empty drains after her surgeries.  I also learned quickly how to be act like an EMT one night when she passed out and hit her head on a nightstand.  I've had no training in Theology.  I'm not a priest or pastor yet I learned to accept God into our lives to help us daily.  I'm not a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist yet I learned to listen when she was down.  Bottom line, I'm just a husband who loves his wife very much and found myself flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.

    There were three things I learned going through this battle with my wife...

    • 1. Love your wife/husband. Tell her you love her every day. If you feel it... tell her how beautiful she is even when she has no hair, no eyebrows or eyelashes. She needs to hear this often. She needs to know you're going to be with her throughout the entire journey.
    • 2. God is good, everyday. If you haven't brought God into your life, you'll need him. He's a good sounding board and you know what? Not only does he listen... he also gives you answer.
    • 3. Be a good listener. Don't interrupt... don't offer advice... don't be distracted... listen to her. Let her share how she feels. Let her really talk to you.

    Hopefully this will help.  I blogged my way through this journey.  (it was actually pretty theraputic for me)  Every person is different just as every cancer is different, but this blog talks about how we dealt with the dailly challenges and beyond.  It's about hope!  If you're so inclined, read through it.  It's helped a number of people facing this challenge...

    WhatARideBlog.Wordpress.com

    Ed

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